I fear it even though I know it's not that bad

[mooki]

I haven't done it since I was a kid. But when I did. I never thought it was terrible. I didn't think much of anything about it really. I still remember what it felt like and know it's not that awful. My first time I remembered doing it, I was maybe 8 years old. I knew something was wrong with my stomach and the school nurse called my dad to come pick me up. I felt weird on the way home and while walking up to the apartment I got a strange sensation I'd never experienced and had no idea was happening to me. It felt like something ominous and it was an almost warm sensation coming up. I didn't know what was happening, but I knew something was about to happen. For some reason I just started running, I don't know what I was running to or from and then bleeeeesh...I decorated the walkway with last night's pizza. I looked up my dad and he was shaking his head with a mix of pity and disbelief. I went upstairs and within a couple minutes did it again, I think on the floor of the living room. My dad then told me to stay in the bathroom next to the toilet. I had diarrhea too I think. I had noro. That was my first experience I could remember. My mom said I vomited a lot as a baby but obviously I have no recollection of that. I caught noro two more times within that same winter as a horrible epidemic was going around my school. The subsequent times I did it, I don't remember fearing it.

The buildup of course is awful, but doing it is not the big deal we make it into. The worse thing about doing it would be in public because you'd have to deal with the embarrassment of people seeing you. But if it's in private in your bathroom, there's nothing to fear about it. Yet even though I realize this, I'm still terrified.