My Emetophobia

[JessSchraad]

I have lived with emetophobia since age five. I am now 19 years old and I deal with IBS. (I believe that I have something else that caused the IBS not just my phobia) And I deal with stomach problems EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can barely eat anything cause I am allergic to gluten, dairy, nuts, eggs, sugar, etc. I literally have to choke down rice cause my stomach problems are so bad. I force myself not to get sick when I feel sick and when I do feel sick I freak out. So this is a daily thing. I dont know how to function, I might have malnutrition now and my health keeps going down hill.
I also have heart problems and the last time I got my defibrilator pacemaker checked my heart doctor said my condition is worsening because of not being able to eat and how sick I have been. And with what I have (heart wise) it can lead to death. Its called sudden arrythmia death syndrome. So I am trying to keep myself alive. I am only 19 and getting married in two months and I am a complete wreck. Since the doctor told me about my heart worsening I felt I needed help for my emetophobia so when I feel sick I will be able to eat without thinking I will throw up if I eat. I am TERRIFIED of vomit and vomiting myself. I would definitely rate it severe. And I need help so badly. I scream, cry, run out of the house, sleep out in a camper even if its dead winter with no heat. (I had to do this for 3 or 4 weeks this last winter cause my whole family and fiance got this flu thing) I am miserable and if I dont get help I can die. Can anyone help me please?

[Keeley]

I understand, i barely eat! its gotten so bad that in the past 3 weeks ive lost 20lbs, and i only eat 1 meal a day! its not cause i want to look skinny, its because im scared...

[JessSchraad]

Exactly. People think we do it on purpose to get attention or something when we are literally just SO terrifed that we CANT eat. I live with people everyday who tell me and others that i need to get over it. Then I have had people literally try to shove food in my mouth because I wouldnt and or cant eat. And then they blame my mental issue (what they call it) for my heart problems and stomach problems and they arent even related. Its genetic. Some people just dont understand.

[Jill in Apartment 413]

I was hospitalized for annorexia when I was 18....I told them it was not cause I wanted to be underweight or stay skinny, it was because I was afraid to eat! I spent a month in that hospital, they wouldn't let me leave til I gained 25 pounds, which was murder on me because I hated eating! Finally I met a doctor there who recognized my problem for what it was and let me leave. There needs to be more awareness for this!

[Trudy]

Yikes! I suffer from ibs, too, but can't seem to stop eating. I hope you guys get better--poor things!

[JessSchraad]

Ya I am afraid before to long I am going to end up in the hospital. Which I dont want to be. Everything I eat makes me feel sick. No joke. I dont know how to deal with it. And yes there does need to be more awareness of this. Actually until I found this sight a few days ago, my family members and I thought I was the only one with this problem. They kept telling me to get over it cause there is nothing to worry about... Well...??? I can't help it. At one point my brother was throwing up years back and I ran to the farthest room crying and curled up in a ball, when he was done (but still in the bathroom) and when my mom was done helping him she came back to the room grabbed me and literally drug me to the bathroom, I was screaming and crying at the top of my lungs and I was trying to grab onto walls she finally got me in there and she made me sit there and look at him. That terrified me. I ran out crying when she finally let me go. No one but the person themself who has/had emetophobia can understand the terror!

[Jill in Apartment 413]

OMFG! My parents always thought I was INSANE and IRRATIONAL with my sisters puking but they never EVER MADE me be near them when they were sick! I Feel for you though, if my sisters got sick I couldn't even be on the same floor of the house as them! I would run away screaming and crying any time my sisters got sick! Especially Liz because she was SO LOUD and DRAMATIC about it!

I hope you feel better, though, and you will be in my prayers! I don't know what to tell you other than to hang in there!

[JessSchraad]

Ya that was a bit traumatizing for me. haha And my brother is SUPER loud as well. AND dramatic. It drove me nuts. And my room is right next to the bathroom so I could hear everything. It was miserable... Our house is also a one story so I couldnt get away unless I slept outside (which I do whether its freezing in mid winter or blazing hot in midsummer. haha But I cant wait to get help. I am in need of it bad.
I will definitely try to hang in there. Just knowing I am not alone helps so much in itself.

[emmalinda]

hey jess. im sorry to hear your having such a tough time with your phobia. it sounds like its really consuming your life. i was at the same point your at now though. i didnt think i could eat anything, becaue everytime i ate i was afraid it would make me sick and i would become anxious, and therefeore start to feel nauseas. are you sure you cant eat 'anything?' Do you have any 'safe' foods? Im not siding with your family and friends or anything, but the symptoms that anxiety obtains can be very real and frightening. I would suggest visiting your gp and getting help for your phobia. It would be very worth it. Does your fiance know about it? It would be a good idea to let him know about how serious it is. Im also sure yor sick heart doesnt help with all this as well. do you take medication for it?

[KaydeeJayde]

It seems like some form of therapy might help with your emetophobia. It's possible to get help, and it's possible to not be afraid anymore. I hope that you find some help soon, this is a miserable life sometimes.

[becca44]

I was hospitalized for annorexia when I was 18....I told them it was not cause I wanted to be underweight or stay skinny, it was because I was afraid to eat! I spent a month in that hospital, they wouldn't let me leave til I gained 25 pounds, which was murder on me because I hated eating! Finally I met a doctor there who recognized my problem for what it was and let me leave. There needs to be more awareness for this!

Exactly the same as me, i was diagnosed as anorexic by my GP. I told her i hated being skinny and was too scared to eat incase i vomited not because i was scared about getting fat, she totally ignored me and told my mother that people with eating disorders are sly and will use excuses to cover their anorexia. My mother believed me and took me to a private doctor who listened and believed what i was saying to him, he put me on meds which helped with the anxiety about eating, i started eating again and gained weight, that was over 10 years ago. Apparently emet is the 5th most common phobia so why dont more people take it seriously!!

[phobiame]

have you ever been tested for crohn's????

[JessSchraad]

I have been tested for alot of things. I think it might be a thing called Candida. Its a yeast overgrowth in your blood or anywhere else it wants to show up. So it would be in my stomach and intestines.
Emmalinda, I do take medication for my heart. I take a beta blocker to help and then I also take special vitamins and probiotics for my tummy and intestines. I am postive I cant have all these foods. I have eaten without even thinking about it and gotten so sick. I am now down to 95 pounds and I am very weak. I am losing some hair and literally losing my muscles. I have allergic reactions to so many foods. And actually I would have to say rice and Quinoa is my safe foods. they dont go bad for a long time and neither of them make me sick at all. But rice doesnt give me energy. Quinoa does some. And my finace knows about EVERYTHING. And is more then supportive. He eats with me even tho its bland foods and he could eat yummy foods with his family, he takes me to the doctors and even takes off work to do it which is huge cause he HATES taking off work, and he wants to help me get through my emet. and he is doing research on everything. He knows everything about my diet so he even cooks me dinner sometimes. I love him so so much and I dont know what I would do without him. he takes wonderful care of me along with my mom. They have been the most supportive through all of this.
I feel everyone on here how controlling emet is tho. I have a hard tie eating chicken cause I dont want food poisoning and now I am at the point i have to eat it so everyday I have to force myself to eat chicken. Its hard but its facing my fear and the more I do it the better I will get. And I havent gotten sick from it so I think I will be okay. But I agree people should take it alot more seriously! It is miserable and its a huge burden on your chest and its so so heavy... I hate it and it makes all me symptoms worse with all these other problems I am having with my tummy.

[lauren37]

im so sorry to hear this stay strong and we are always here for you <3

[emmalinda]

well your doing the right thing by trying to eat a varied diet anyway. figuring out what you like will get your confidence back in eating.. are there any foods similar to rice that you could eat? how about gluten free pasta or organic pasta? you could search online for certain sauces you could make yourself thats happy for your tummy. and im glad to hear your partner is very helpful and understanding. hold in there love. if you've been tested for all kinds of things but nothings shown up, then it might be that thing or just a sensitive tummy. do try and get help from your doctor thought. it would make you feel better talking about it with a pro.

[calili]

it's just horrible. Last week I went to this music fest. Everybody was eating and drinking and I looking at me like I was severe anorectic, because I havent eaten anything. I just ate bread and some baby fruit jars I bought in the super market. I really need treatment.
I totally understand how you feel, and I think you should find a good therapist, so you can share your thoughts and try to re-build your mind and emotions. Thats what I am going to do as soon as possible. I am like this for 13 years and IT'S ENOUGH. :/

[emmalinda]

I am going to the doctor today to get her to send me to a therapist. i cant wait

[JessSchraad]

Oh I know! People give you looks like your so gross and like whats wrong with her!? It drives me nuts. I now weigh in at 95 pounds... its terrible. I am in the process of trying to find a doctor. I just got my insurance changed and moved to a new area. What I find comfort in doing with food is that I always eat things that I know don't spoil or things that dont go bad for like a year or six months etc... That makes me feel better.
Emmalinda thats so exciting!!! You have to let me know how that goes! Thats a great first step. Please keep me updated!
But ya I have been dealing with emet since I was like 5. And I have not been this bad ever. Even tho emet is not what cause all these problems my anxiety goes up every time I feel sick or am in pain. Hopefully I can find a good doctor that can finally figure this out. And it really does help when your fiance or loved one is there to help you through everything.