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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    295

    Default The Beginning of my CBT journey...

    Hi Friends.

    I am going to post this in the treatments section because I know that the people who come here are ready for/or are actively seeking treatment. I don’t want to regress in any way. I know a lot of therapists say don’t come to IES during treatment (which I understand). But I honestly don’t see any harm in being in the TREATMENTS section. Plus, I don’t really rely on IES for support for the most part. Maybe this will help someone and maybe I can get some advice out of it as well. I hope I can keep my own thread going with the updates and stuff. I will be very detailed with my first few visits because I know a lot of people have never been to therapy….
    This is going to be a long first post because I also have an important question regarding a very sensitive topic….Marijuana I will put it at the end.

    It was SO hard to make all of the phone calls and line up these appointments with the right doctors and get it covered under insurance. Really, it’s probably just a sign that I AM starting to get better because I’m pretty sure that there is going to be NOTHING easy about getting over something I’ve been dealing with my entire life. Yes, it’s awkward. Yes it’s easy to procrastinate and conveniently put off, but it will wear on your soul. Be warned of LONG waiting lists for a “consultation”. I made my appointment in the beginning of May and couldn’t get in until June 22 (today). I will be receiving weekly/biweekly treatments now though.

    Basically once you get through ALL the embarrassing awkward people and muster up the courage to tell the therapist, it isn’t so bad….they ask you a million questions about yourself. Mine actually seemed okay. She was very impressed when I specifically requested CBT. She’s like, “You know what CBT is?” She was very efficient and confident that I could get better if I did the work. I didn’t actually say that I was emetophobic to her though. I don’t feel comfortable saying that word out loud because I don’t know if people know what it means or not. I just described it to her and it was business as usual……here is WHY it was easy for her to understand….and now I am going to tie a bunch of things together….

    I told her that I knew I had OCD and it was specifically related to vomiting and fear of stomach viruses. I told her I am afraid of anything to do with vomiting. I want to make a point here that people really should just tell themselves everyday so they can better understand emetophobia. Ironically…our TROLL, ButterfliesInHerEyes explained in her fake story about the vomiting therapy very very good point that has helped me out a lot….
    “Vomiting really isn’t that bad. It’s really just the anxiety.” Now it’s easy enough to say that, but what BIHE clarified for me was that there is the simple act of vomiting (which really isn’t bad) and then there is vomiting and having a panic attack at the same time, which has happened to me many many times and it really IS something to be afraid of. Essentially I am afraid of vomiting during a panic attack…that a panic attack will lead to vomiting….that I COULD have another panic attack, a chain which is difficult to break.

    So yeah I think I have finally found the right therapist…hopefully…I am a little concerned about starting new meds…

    Okay a complete 180 spin coming up here regarding my question. I know that the question of smoking marijuana has been brought up and beaten to death here many times and I will leave everyone to their personal opinions…..I have been smoking marijuana for about 5 months almost daily. At first it really freaked me out and made my anxiety worse, but now that I regularly do it, I really really enjoy it. I look forward to it when I relax for the night and settle in to play a game or go for a walk or unwind. It really enhances many things for me and helps to bring upon feeling of serenity. I smoke only alone or with my boyfriend if we are together and I have found it to enhance our relationship and I’ve learned a LOT about my anxiety while under the influence of it. At this point, would it/could it aggravate my anxiety further??? Will it interfere with medications? I wanted to ask her more about it, but she was just like, “Nope, you HAVE to stop.” Am I possibly being misunderstood or am I misunderstanding something here. I don’t want to talk about the legality of my actions because that isn’t my issue. I am interested in it from a medical standpoint. I know what too much of it feels like and I don’t enjoy doing that and binging on it. I haven’t noticed a negative change in my anxiety….I guess that I am kind of hurt because it was making me feel so much better. I know I am not supposed to drink heavily on my medications because I know what that feels like as well and I don’t abuse those things….lots of people have a glass of wine at night…I don’t like how alcohol makes me feel though…...I guess I know what I have to do.....

    Right now I am taking 200mg of Sertraline (Zoloft) at night, 1mg of Clonazepam at night and 0.5mg of Clonazepam in the morning. This morning I am supposed to take 0.5mg of Clonazepam and 20mg of Prozac (new meds) and tonight only 150mg of Sertraline and 1mg of Clonazepam. I will continue this for a week and then next week I am to cut the Sertraline to 100mg and up Prozac to 40mg. The following week, cut Sertraline to 50mg and up Prozac to 60. The Clonazepam schedule stays the same....So this morning I start the Prozac. I am nervous so I stayed home from work....so much medication....

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    5,885

    Default Re: The Beginning of my CBT journey...

    Orton is keeping a diary of his CBT on here too so I really don't see that it's a problem for you to do it I think what the therapists mean is possibly stay away from posting or reading panic posts, perhaps? But I don't know - I'm sure yours could clarify.

    I really don't know about the marijuana thing. It is kind of a politicised thing and your therapist may just be saying "Stop" because she feels she can in no way condone illegal drugs (if it is illegal in your area), or because she feels it is just unhealthy for whatever reason. But it might also be that it would interfere with the medication. Really I suppose only a trained pharmacist or doctor could answer that one. The meds schedule you've been given is complex and I suppose it is a precision-designed one. I'd guess that marijuana may interfere with it? I just don't know though. Good luck with it all - I am sure you will do well!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Reading, England
    Posts
    206

    Default Re: The Beginning of my CBT journey...

    Good idea Fishies, it'll be interesting to compare your experiences with mine!

    As far as the marijuana goes though I'd agree with Cinque in that I'm afraid I don't know too much about it either. I suppose as a representative of the medical profession your therapist is almost bound to say "don't do it" as their default position on anything drug related so it's perhaps not surprising that's their view.

    And she may well be thinking that it would interfere with your medication, although like Cinque I'm not a doctor either so I'm really not qualified to comment!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    295

    Default Re: The Beginning of my CBT journey...

    Thanks guys I really really value your input. I did take my first dose of medication today and I was tired so I mostly slept and stayed home from work...everything feels normal and although I am bored I won't smoke because THAT is what I was told. I would do almost anything to be free of this....Thank you Cinque and Thank you Orton....I will check out your thread and continue to update this one as I go to my appointments...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    6,133

    Default Re: The Beginning of my CBT journey...

    Sarah, she's saying no bud because of the amount of serotonin drugs she already has you on. It's risky to do weed and SSRI drugs together. There is a chance of serotonin syndrome. That could be a bad setback for anxiety and potentially serious. I wish you the best of luck in tackling this. I really think if you're determined it will help. I haven't gotten to the "do almost anything to get over this" stage so that's why I'm not wasting my time and money or anyone else's on therapy yet. You've got to be all in for best results and it sounds like you are.

 

 

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