Rituals or things you feel you HAVE to do..

[Tasha'93]

Is there anything anyone feels they need to do in order to stop themselves being sick? Or any rituals you might follow everyday or maybe when just feeling nauseus so it will put your mind at rest? For example, everynight before I go to bed I have to make sure all the cushions on my sofas are sat bolt upright in a line so they are all neat and the channel on my TV before I turn it off has to be on the first channel. It sounds crazy, I know, but it puts my mind at rest. Is anyone else at all like this? Please write back!

[sljordan85]

dont feel crazy! i do ALSORTS! i have to have a hair bobble around my wrist 24/7 just incase i vom and i need to tie my hair back (i havent been ill since i was 11 and im 26!) i have to have a mini fan on all night every night (even in winter!) on for a small breeze and the hum drum helps me sleep/take my mind off vom - i also have to HAVE hand gel in my handbag 24/7, a bottle of water and chewing gum (a certain brand only) and i have my phone with me everywhere and anywhere incase i need someone - i have a typed out text in my drafts ready to send my fiance incase i need him to come home cause im sick

Sounds nuts doesnt it? I cant leave the house without my anti emets and i always have to have a crossword/magazine to hand to take my mind off things - i also keep a plastic bag by the toilet incase i get both and dont wanna vom on the floor!

[arora]

while im driving, or watching tv, or anything with a volume, i cant have the volume at 10 bc thats the age i was last sick...if im changing the channels, say im going up to channel 50, i have to go up to 51 then back down to 50 because i cannot end with an "up". sometimes i twirl my thumb ring a certain number of times. when i close out a page on the computer i have to tap the mouse twice if im done using it. i do all sorts of OCD stuff. nothing that interfears with my life, but its allllllll associated with V*. if i dont do it, i might V*.

[Tasha'93]

Both of you, seriously thankyou so much for getting back to me. I'm glad to know and brings me some comfort also knowing that i'm not the only one that does OCD things incase i'm sick. Have either of you managed to get help at all can I ask? I'm currently on a waiting list to see a counsellor and i'm a bit sceptical as to whether it will really help me over come my phobia or not. Also I had diarrhea last weekend and a virus the weekend before that so i'm worried that this will be the third weekend in a row that I will be ill and this time will actually be sick Am I going crazy or do others feel this way too when/after being ill? It's exhausting!

Thanks, Tasha.

[sljordan85]

Both of you, seriously thankyou so much for getting back to me. I'm glad to know and brings me some comfort also knowing that i'm not the only one that does OCD things incase i'm sick. Have either of you managed to get help at all can I ask? I'm currently on a waiting list to see a counsellor and i'm a bit sceptical as to whether it will really help me over come my phobia or not. Also I had diarrhea last weekend and a virus the weekend before that so i'm worried that this will be the third weekend in a row that I will be ill and this time will actually be sick Am I going crazy or do others feel this way too when/after being ill? It's exhausting!

Thanks, Tasha.

once again your not alone - im the same - if i get ill in a certain place with stomach upset i wont go again or do what i was doing at the time - for instant ive had bad stomach today from a coffee at cafe nero so i wont be going there again and i vommed from spag bol when i was a kid so i never eat that ever - nor do i like to think of the 90's show mork and mindy as i was once sick when that was on TV - all sorts of weird things!

I once went for help and didnt take it further because it came to a stage where they wanted to start showing me videos of people vomming up with the sounds and everything to try and "cure" me - this sent me over the edge with fear so i quit the counselling - i also spent every single session crying my eyes out because i felt such a failure talking about it all which gave me depression

i personally feel coming on here and hiding it under the carpet is the only solution for me

xxx

[arora]

i have never seen anyone. ive contemplated seeing someone for a very long time, but yet for some reason i still havent lol. im sure i will sometime in the future. i guess i just dont know how to go about it, or who to look into. but i really need to for real...

what kind of virus did you have? im sure you will be fine this weekend. i have thoughts like that too though. as though its coming after you since you were already sick two weekends in a row. but im sure you wont be i had a cold a couple weeks ago and now i have an irritating cough. i just want all the sickness to go away! as if worrying about V* all the time isnt enough, we gotta deal with the other sicknesses on top of it! lol You will be fine i know it!

[Tasha'93]

i have never seen anyone. ive contemplated seeing someone for a very long time, but yet for some reason i still havent lol. im sure i will sometime in the future. i guess i just dont know how to go about it, or who to look into. but i really need to for real...

what kind of virus did you have? im sure you will be fine this weekend. i have thoughts like that too though. as though its coming after you since you were already sick two weekends in a row. but im sure you wont be i had a cold a couple weeks ago and now i have an irritating cough. i just want all the sickness to go away! as if worrying about V* all the time isnt enough, we gotta deal with the other sicknesses on top of it! lol You will be fine i know it!

I'm guessing you're American? If so i'm pretty sure you can go about it the same way we do here in the UK, go to your doctor, explain how severe your phobia is and they will refer you through to a counsellor/psychiatrist. It must be worth doing, at least better than going through it all on your own. I'm petrified about starting my sessions but something needs to done, I don't want to live my life like this.

It was like a flu virus.. sore throat, headache, couldn't move out of my bed because I hurt everywhere e.t.c. then I was pretty much fine during the week and as soon as saturday came around I had diarrhea & it didn't stop until monday.. but that was after taking a tablet to stop it. I'm just afraid this saturday, as in tomorrow, I will be sick.. or tonight even, i'm so scared It's like my body is building up to the big finale.. being sick :| Thanks again for your support,x.

[Tasha'93]

once again your not alone - im the same - if i get ill in a certain place with stomach upset i wont go again or do what i was doing at the time - for instant ive had bad stomach today from a coffee at cafe nero so i wont be going there again and i vommed from spag bol when i was a kid so i never eat that ever - nor do i like to think of the 90's show mork and mindy as i was once sick when that was on TV - all sorts of weird things!

I once went for help and didnt take it further because it came to a stage where they wanted to start showing me videos of people vomming up with the sounds and everything to try and "cure" me - this sent me over the edge with fear so i quit the counselling - i also spent every single session crying my eyes out because i felt such a failure talking about it all which gave me depression

i personally feel coming on here and hiding it under the carpet is the only solution for me

xxx

I understand what you mean, one of the most distinctive memories I have of being sick was after eating a banana about 8 years ago, and I havent touched them since.. even the smell of them makes me feel like I want to gag.

I'm sorry the therapy didn't work out for you, perhaps you could try hypnotherapy? I've read around the internet and in books that it's supposed to be really effective, but you need to want it to work or it wont, you'll just fight it.

Thankyou also for your support, really appreciate it.xxx

[chocolategirl]

I HAVE to have water with me no matter where i go! If i get stressed i tend to scratch...and i have to have lights on!

[Tasha'93]

I HAVE to have water with me no matter where i go! If i get stressed i tend to scratch...and i have to have lights on!

Ah, interesting. When I feel sick I need to have the lights off, I dont know why.. just a subconcious thing I do :S

[orton99]

Tasha, glad to hear you're on a waiting list to try and sort this out. While you are waiting, I'd strongly recommend you try - even just a little bit - to not straighten the cushions or whatever and see what happens...call me Mr Going Out On A Limb Here, but I'll guarantee you that nothing will happen to you overnight if you don't turn the TV off the "right" way.

I understand where you're coming from and have done that sort of thing myself (although in my case it's been trying not to do the same things I did on the day I felt ill in case "history repeats"), but also know from my rational side that it's all utterly meaningless. Convincing my irrational side is more tricky, but that's why I'm seeing a therapist right now. I'm on a waiting list for CBT too and think from reading about it that one of the treatments is to keep a diary of when you feel anxious and what you did, with the intention of creating written proof that, say, you did listen again to that particular song that was on the radio the last time you were sick, but - wow! - nothing bad happened.

In reality, all these rituals don't do anything at all and it's only the anxiety caused by the phobia that tells you that you "have" to do them to keep "safe". Sadly, the nasty sting in the tail is that they do achieve the aim of embedding the phobia even more, as every time someone with this or any other phobia gives in "safety" behaviour you're confirming to your subconscious that there is a real threat because you're taking a special precaution to avoid it. In other words, the sad truth is that the apparent anxiety-relieving power of these rituals is just a cruel illusion and what's actually happening is that you're simply creating more anxiety for yourself by repeatedly doing them. However, I can say that I have made an effort this past week to stop washing my hands quite so much and it does feel liberating to not be bound to these "rules" and I have felt the cloud lift a little as a result of doing so, so it is possible to start to think differently.

Hope you're not kept waiting too long to see someone.

[Tasha'93]

Tasha, glad to hear you're on a waiting list to try and sort this out. While you are waiting, I'd strongly recommend you try - even just a little bit - to not straighten the cushions or whatever and see what happens...call me Mr Going Out On A Limb Here, but I'll guarantee you that nothing will happen to you overnight if you don't turn the TV off the "right" way.

I understand where you're coming from and have done that sort of thing myself (although in my case it's been trying not to do the same things I did on the day I felt ill in case "history repeats"), but also know from my rational side that it's all utterly meaningless. Convincing my irrational side is more tricky, but that's why I'm seeing a therapist right now. I'm on a waiting list for CBT too and think from reading about it that one of the treatments is to keep a diary of when you feel anxious and what you did, with the intention of creating written proof that, say, you did listen again to that particular song that was on the radio the last time you were sick, but - wow! - nothing bad happened.

In reality, all these rituals don't do anything at all and it's only the anxiety caused by the phobia that tells you that you "have" to do them to keep "safe". Sadly, the nasty sting in the tail is that they do achieve the aim of embedding the phobia even more, as every time someone with this or any other phobia gives in "safety" behaviour you're confirming to your subconscious that there is a real threat because you're taking a special precaution to avoid it. In other words, the sad truth is that the apparent anxiety-relieving power of these rituals is just a cruel illusion and what's actually happening is that you're simply creating more anxiety for yourself by repeatedly doing them. However, I can say that I have made an effort this past week to stop washing my hands quite so much and it does feel liberating to not be bound to these "rules" and I have felt the cloud lift a little as a result of doing so, so it is possible to start to think differently.

Hope you're not kept waiting too long to see someone.

Hi there, thankyou for replying to this thread. I've been on a waiting list now for about two months but my mum rang up for me about two weeks ago and they said I shouldn't be waiting much longer to be seen now, so hopefully, it'll be fairly soon.

I understand what you mean about it being rational behaviour and deep down, as much as I hate to admit it, I know nothing that bad will happen to me if I dont do my nightly rituals but it's something I keep telling myself to do for some reasons or another, I just have to do it, I cant take the risk of being sick.. however small.

I'm glad you're getting CBT though, I hope it goes well for you, please keep me posted wont you on how it goes? I'd like to hear if you're making progress or not. Take care.

[orton99]

Tasha, I was put on a 4-6 week waiting list about 3 weeks ago, so hopefully not too much longer now. I'll tell you how I get on when it starts!

I understand what you say in that you know your rituals aren't actually helping yet can't quite seem to break the habit, but it is nonetheless important as a first step to at least realise that they're not helping - keep telling yourself that!

If it helps, think of your rituals as like the myths of the Sirens, luring unwary sailors onto the rocks. They may seem very tempting, but they're just an illusion and don't actually exist. The jagged rocks of the phobia are all too real unfortunately, and if you're not careful your peace of mind will be shipwrecked on them.

So, when you want to straighten the cushions tonight just look at them and think, "You're just Sirens, you're not really there..."

[Tasha'93]

Thankyou again Orton You've made me see a little more clearer now about my silly rituals, tonight is going to be the first step, I wont straighten the cushions or put the TV channel on a certain number.

[orton99]

Well done! Nothing bad will happen to you tonight, I promise!!

[Tasha'93]

Well done! Nothing bad will happen to you tonight, I promise!!

Hope so

[secretsinger5]

haha, I'm so late on commenting. But i felt like i could really relate to this. Whenever i feel nauseous, i get away from everyone and if i can, i'll go outside. and i have to play solitaire on my ipod. it calms me down for some reason
also, every time i say something like "im not nauseous" or "i wont throw up" or anything like that, i have to knock on wood four times because i jinxed it and now its gonna happen.
i cant even explain it, its just random things

[kitten7]

Hi, I'm a new poster here, but emetophobe my whole life! It has been so comforting to read all these other rituals you guys have, makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one, and because I know no one else like me, it is almost impossible to speak to friends or family about these things without them thinking it's funny or that I'm crazy.
It's funny you said about the couch cushions, I have that exact ritual too! Only with mine they all have to be standing upright and not next to another cushion of the same colour, I also will never wear a nightie/nightgown to bed, as I have a few times when I was younger and was ill, I won't drink coke or dr pepper, if I wear something and happen to have a upset belly that day I won't wear it again, I always have anti nausea tablets, chewing gum and water with me in my bag, and I always make sure I have lots of movies recorded too so that if i get anxious or nauseous I have plenty saved up to take my mind off it and relax me. Those are just a few of the many many many rituals I have, and I'm the same as others, i know deep down they mean thing but they are all like my mini comforters and I darn't not do them just incase, it's all such a routine too now that it has just become a part of my life, would not miss it if it wasn't though! x

[dipper]

haha, I'm so late on commenting. But i felt like i could really relate to this. Whenever i feel nauseous, i get away from everyone and if i can, i'll go outside. and i have to play solitaire on my ipod. it calms me down for some reason
also, every time i say something like "im not nauseous" or "i wont throw up" or anything like that, i have to knock on wood four times because i jinxed it and now its gonna happen.
i cant even explain it, its just random things

Snap! I feel like I can never talk about when I last V*, or say how long it has been since I last V*, without tempting fate. Even typing this makes me a bit nervous!
Everywhere I go I have to have water, mints and/or boiled sweets – I panic if I don’t have water. I also have solitaire/word games on my phone to play to take my mind off feeling nauseous.

[Tasha'93]

also, every time i say something like "im not nauseous" or "i wont throw up" or anything like that, i have to knock on wood four times because i jinxed it and now its gonna happen.
i cant even explain it, its just random things

ME! That is exactly what I do, i'll says "come on, you're not going to be sick" and touch wood after, and then repeat what I just said. Thinking about it, it is seen as odd behaviour but if it makes us feel at ease then I don't really see the issue with it, although obviously like everyone else that does this i'm sure it'd be good to not have to! & I even feel weird that i've just admitted this now, like it'll jinx me :|

[Tasha'93]

[QUOTE=kitten7;324990]It's funny you said about the couch cushions, I have that exact ritual too! Only with mine they all have to be standing upright and not next to another cushion of the same colour, I also will never wear a nightie/nightgown to bed, as I have a few times when I was younger and was illQUOTE]

All i'm going to say to the above is snap. Seriously, i'm like that.. with the cushions they have to be standing up right and neatly, with the tags on them facing downwards.. and also what you said about the nightie, i'm funny with that too because my younger sister was sick on me whilst I was wearing on years ago, just put me off!

[person54321]

I've been carefully trying to cut out my weird OCD habits about this out in an effort to recover, but I definitely do some of the things on here like knocking on wood all the time.

[skinnypuppy]

-sleeps on the couch, any couch.
-wears certain clothing, nothing too "glitzy," afraid of jinxing myself
-must always have the television on; some noise
-must have at least one panic attack a day (if I feel too happy-go-lucky I begin to wonder whether something is wrong with me, i.e., jinxed)
-pressing the edge of my thumb against something hard/pointy to induce pain
-picking at the dandruff on my scalp (as gross as it sounds, it's quite therapeutic)
-washing my hair or brushing my teeth a certain amount of times until I achieve a sense of "ultimate cleanliness"
-must always be carrying a bottle of water

[jaquie-d]

Hi, first time poster, long time emetophobe!

I cannot eat things that others have prepared, cos I don't what they've done to the food (even parents and loved ones)
I never eat the piece of food I've touched with my bare hands, even if they're immaculately clean
Never eat to the point where I feel full - just kinda half (I'm underweight - always getting told I'm anorexic)
Have trouble sleeping at night cos that's mostly when I've been sick before
Never tell anyone when I was last sick cos I might jinx it
Various other things...

[Tasha'93]

To the posters above, it really is a nightmare isn't it? I agree with what one of you said about even if you feel happy & quite 'normal' one day, it doesn't feel right and as if something could go wrong or happen at anytime.. not a nice way to live, but it keeps me prepared.

[orton99]

Some of the last few replies to this thread are just heartbreaking to read. My phobia forutnately isn't quite as bad as some on this board, although the last couple of months have been the worst it's ever been - seeing every day as a challenge not to be sick that day, thinking about it all the time, seeing threats everywhere, endless handwashing (just in case), wondering if every evening meal I ate would come back up later, imagining that anything meat/fish based "tastes funny" and so on. However, it has been a bit easier these past couple of weeks and I feel as I'm getting my life back (up to a point), although I have never, even at my worst, felt like a day without a major anxiety episode was somehow "wrong" - in fact, at its worst in February and March I'd happily have killed for just one "normal" day when I didn't think about it.

I do understand the thought process behind "being prepared" as I went through something similar when my Dad was very ill over the past couple of years. Whenever he was back in hospital and the news seemed a bit better I'd catch myself and think, "Ah, but if I relax then it'll go wrong so I need to keep anxious just in case so if it's bad news again it won't feel so bad as if I was relaxed and then got bad news..." It seemed to make sense for a while, but even at the time I kept asking myself what possible effect the thoughts going through my head were having on his medical condition and, of course, I couldn't answer that question. Of course, the situation was very tough but all I was doing was making it even harder for myself by thinking the way I was. The epilogue to the story is that when the worst did happen and I saw it was my stepmum calling my mobile, I knew exactly what it was about...and felt a kind of calm acceptance and resignation. That just illustrates even more the pointlessness of my "deliberate" anxiety, as that was supposedly bracing myself for the worst, yet when it did finally come I didn't feel anxious at all!

So yes, I do at understand how those sorts of thought processes work, but also know that they don't achieve anything bar making you feel even worse and can only urge anyone who does feel that way to please, please, see your doctor and arrange some therapy as soon as possible. "My day isn't complete until I've panicked" is no way to live and no one deserves it.

As a mantra to live by, how about the proverbial, "A life lived in fear is a life half-lived"? I think that's rather more useful.

[bixzy]

I do these rituals every time I have even the smallest stomach ache:

-Take a shower. Even if I'm not washing my hair or myself, just standing in the water helps me.
-Pulling my hair back and away from my face.
-Taking deep breaths and trying to find someplace "safe" in my mind.
-Sit infront of my fan that I ALWAYS have on.
-Isolate myself from everyone and everything (This is usually a daily thing.)
-Play solitare.

I try to do things like tell myself that I'm NOT going to be sick, I won't allow myself! But that doesn't work out as well as I want it to.

[perksofcharlie]

i almost always carry around Emetrol, which can be embarassing cause i go to concerts and they check my bag and pull it out and won't let me bring it in. and my friends are like, what is that??? i almost always have peppermint tea bags on me, its the only thing that really soothes my stomach. if i am in a major major panic attack i pull out a pen and paper and write "please god, don't let me be sick" over and over and over until i calm down. i used to have notebooks full of that ever since i was 8. its the only thing that calms me down and the only time i ever pray, lol.

[JenevaClare]

Hi, first time poster, long time emetophobe!

I cannot eat things that others have prepared, cos I don't what they've done to the food (even parents and loved ones)
I never eat the piece of food I've touched with my bare hands, even if they're immaculately clean
Never eat to the point where I feel full - just kinda half (I'm underweight - always getting told I'm anorexic)
Have trouble sleeping at night cos that's mostly when I've been sick before
Never tell anyone when I was last sick cos I might jinx it
Various other things...

"Never eat to the point where I feel full - just kinda half (I'm underweight - always getting told I'm anorexic)!!!!"

thats a BIG one for me. but this just recently started for me. and by that i mean like 4 months (the last time i got sick) now i never eat till im full and everyone tells me i'm anorexic. plus i'm always nauseous from my anxiety so i tend not to eat very much.

[ladedoo5]

There are millions of things I wont eat-such as popsicles or gogurt, cuz i ate them when i was sick. plus, i wont go out to eat that made anyone i know get sick.
plus, EVERY night before I go to bed i say(well, not out loud) this weird prayer (which is kinda strange since im atheist) and cross my fingers under the cover and think "I wont throw up, I wont throw up, I won't p*ke, I wont throw up."