How can you become "normal?"

[sage]

I have this little card that I give to my clients to carry with them wherever they go. It has several things on it such as "vomiting is not dangerous, so you don't need to fear it," etc. It also has this: to become normal you need to act normal.

Now right off the bat I want to say that I realize there is no such things as "normal" when it comes to human behavior. Lots of people who don't have emetophobia are far from what the average person would say is normal. So in this context "normal" means "people who don't have emetophobia."

What do you currently do, or could you do, which is "normal" even though it feels scary? For instance, do you open doors with your bare hands? "Normal" people do this; emetophobes normally don't.

In this thread, I'm not looking for all the ABnormal things emets do....we already have a long list of those! But rather, what do you do in order to face your fears? What could you do? What goal would you like to set for yourself?

I'LL GO FIRST

Even though I consider myself emetophobia-free I still don't like to ride in cars with people who feel sick/nauseous. It still makes me nervous. Luckily, my daughter is going to help me out with this now. Last weekend she felt sick (she has a sensitive stomach so this happens often) and we were all supposed to go out together in the car. I was wary of it, and asked a typical emet question: "might you throw up?" She answered "even if I do, it's not dangerous for you" and you wouldn't believe how HELPFUL that was! I was like "you're totally right - let's go." And we did, and I was fine. Why I needed HER to remind me of what I should be reminding myself, I don't know. From now on I'm going to go out in the car more with her and her husband...because that's normal.

[wargerbil]

I do a lot of normal things. I go to work every day, go to meetings, give presentations, used to work as a case worker doing home visits. I volunteer on the weekends in a food co-op, handle money, other peoples' food, etc... I touch my face all the damn time, I go out with friends, go out to eat, I go away from home and stay in other peoples' houses.

I do sometimes do "check ins" with my husband when I'm feeling anxious to ask if it is normal for someone to feel anxious in a situation, like before my endoscopy, I told him I was really anxious, and was that just my phobia or was it a situation that 'normal' people would be anxious - and he said normal, and I felt better (still anxious! but better that I didn't seem to weird being anxious!).

My high level of 'normal' confuses the hell out of my psychologist Apparently someone with such a reportedly high level of anxiety should not be so high functioning.

[sage]

Really? (about the psychologist) Almost all my clients are extremely high-functioning and I used to counsel more general things before and lots of high-functioning people had "little secrets" such as a phobia, an anxiety disorder, depression, alcoholism, gambling addiction - you name it. That's just an odd thing for a psychologist to find confusing.

[wargerbil]

Really? (about the psychologist) Almost all my clients are extremely high-functioning and I used to counsel more general things before and lots of high-functioning people had "little secrets" such as a phobia, an anxiety disorder, depression, alcoholism, gambling addiction - you name it. That's just an odd thing for a psychologist to find confusing.

Maybe confusing isn't the right word - surprising maybe? I don't know. I guess he wouldn't expect someone who states that she is so anxious to show no outward signs of it.

[patricksgirl32]

Well in todays society hand sanitizer is something almost everyone has. I have it on me usually just to get like cold or flu germs off my hand. But I always bite my nails and touch my face and my eyes. And I didn't think twice about it. the only time I don't is at the doctors office because I think that's gross. There are urine samples going around. And coughin people all over. That's a circumstance where I wont touch myself without sanitizing. But I think that's a normal thing. I share drinks and food all the time. Chapsticks and other stuff. I kiss my boyfriend. Ermmmmmm....I touch undercooked.chicken before I make it. And I don't panic. Idk lol that's all I can think of

[Erica1649]

Hmm....

Well I definately try not to touch stair railings in public places nor do I try to touch the door handles at all costs...you never know whats lurking out there...

My nomalities include touching my face, putting my fingers in my mouth/biting my nails, using public restrooms, going out, having a few drinks with friends.

As far as having a few drinks go for me though, when I have people at my house...I'm always afraid somebody is going to get out of hand and have to throw up from drinking too much...so I have a rule of no getting drunk at my house...thats weird huh? LOL

[orton99]

What a good idea for a thread! Why aren't there more like this on here? Okay, things that perhaps should bother me but don't really include:

• I've never avoided a movie due to vomit scenes, have never walked out of a cinema and actually never even think of asking the question before I see a film anyway!
• I've no problem with saying the words (especially after my recent CBT exercise).
• I have eaten bloody steak plenty of times and prefer it to well done. I've also eaten lamb and duck bloody too and never came to any harm.
• My favourite lunchtime sandwich if I buy them is the chicken triple pack from Boots. Yes folks you read that right, chicken.
• Okay, so I'm unlikely to select shellfish I admit (!), but that aside have little to no problem in eating out at restaurants. Lifetime food poisoning score from eating out? To my knowledge, zero.
• I've never been too afraid to leave the house due to this phobia.
• The "I must be extra careful in the winter due to noro" thing has never occurred to me bar for about half an hour immediately after reading a media scare story.
• I don't worry about car journeys and am equally happy driving, being in the passenger seat, back seat and would get frustrated on a long journey as a passenger if I couldn't read!
• I rarely take medication but on the odd occasion I do I've never really let the "may cause nausea" thing bother me as it's never happened and I guess it's very unlikely anyway.
• Before coming on here, I didn't know anti-emetics even existed. Do I have any at home now I do know? No.
• I don't feel the need to sit at the end of the row in the cinema and it has never occurred to me to ask where the toilets are if I'm out somewhere until I actually need them.
• Finally, having thought about it now I'm actively trying to overcome this phobia, I'm sure in my own mind that streaks are a terrible idea and do more harm than good.

[Paisley]

I love this topic! The normal things I do are: I spell out the word 'vomit' etc., I use regular soap (not antibacterial) to wash my hands ONCE lol, and I'm getting a lot better at eating what I really want instead of just what I think is safe.

[asianeko]

This topic is wonderful!

I only wash my hands after pottying, if they are super nasty (like I get pooped on at work or something), or if I'm eating at work. If I didn't work with animals, I would probably forgo the hand washing before meals at work, but it's sort of grimy not to when you're touching other people's dogs all day.

If I'm nervous about something, I push myself through to do it. It hasn't killed me yet!

[sage]

Great responses folks! I think they'll be really helpful to others reading the thread who may not wish to contribute. How about if we go one step further and think about something "abnormal" that you do, and commit to stop doing it? Maybe for like a week and then check in.

[Cupcake x]

*I touch door knobs, handles, ect..
*I don't disinfect my grocery carts before shopping with those wipes and then proceed to touch produce, ect.
*I touch my face a lot (never put my hands IN my mouth though)
*I don't eat my steak well done. Tastes way better with a little pink!
*I don't abbreviate vomit, sick, nausea or any other word that some emets are afraid of.
*I can watch people vomit on TV or in movies without issue.
*I eat a lot of take-out food from sandwich shops, pizza places, Chinese.


I'm sure there's other things that I do but I can't think of any right now Good thread Sage!

[bixzy]

I'm probably the "dirtiest" emet alive lol.

- My house isn't filthy, but it's not clean. I clean maybe, MAYBE, once every two months and that's if I'm feeling like it.
- I go out places with friends and drink, not too much because i'm not huge on alcohol, but enough to make me sick. I haven't been sick once.
- Like a lot of people here I can say the word vomit, I just abb. it for other people.
- I love gross movies. If someone is sick in a movie and I'm eating something while watching it, I don't even flinch. Same with blood and guts, the more the better. ;p
- I don't own any hand sanitizers and I only have two bars of soap in my house.
- I didn't even know that noro or anti emetics existed until joining this forum. I knew that i had pills for nausea but I had no idea what they were called lol. I have 30 pills, I've had them for about 2 months, there's still 30 pills.
- I don't question food before I eat it.
- Even though I hardly eat out in places, due to childhood trauma, not emet. I'll still get food and bring it home then eat it.
- Left overs for me are a gift from God. It means I don't have to cook for a day. ;p
- I'll be honest and tell you that I only wash my hands after using the rest room. Which sounds gross and probably isn't good hygiene at all but hey, that's me.

It's funny how I can do all of these things without even thinking about it, but am still emet.

[Erica1649]

The abnormal things I do/did include:

I didn't want to go away to college because I like my privacy (think the main thing is I didn't want sick and drunk roomates)

If somebody was sick before me in a bathroom and I know this, I won't go near the toilet for at least that day...it freaks me out...

If I know somebody in my household was sick, I don't want to hug, kiss, etc them.

If I know somebody in my household was sick, I don't eat in anticipiation that it may happen to me.

[sinkorswim]

bixzy- so then what exactly are you afraid of. what gives you anxiety? the moment of throwing up itself? i am curious because while i am not in your state, i feel as though i am alot better off then many people who post on this sight as i am not afraid to leave my house and such

[sinkorswim]

ps. sage you are great. your words have begun to really help

[bixzy]

sinkorswim I really don't know.
I only have anxiety when I have a stomach ache which is once or twice a week. I think it's just my emet getting better? I'm not sure.

[Paisley]

Really? (about the psychologist) Almost all my clients are extremely high-functioning and I used to counsel more general things before and lots of high-functioning people had "little secrets" such as a phobia, an anxiety disorder, depression, alcoholism, gambling addiction - you name it. That's just an odd thing for a psychologist to find confusing.

I do something really weird. The only place I'll eat is at home and only when I have nowhere to go. So I'll starve myself all day at school and work and eat when I get home when I know I'm done for the day. My rationale for this is that in case I vomit, I'll be at home and not "out there" around other people. Stupid, I know.

[Paisley]

oops I hit post before I was finished lol. I'm going to try eating a little something during the day and not waiting until I get home. I hope I can do it, I already feel anxious thinking about it.

[sinkorswim]

bixzy- im no expert, but i have dealt with phobias before, and came out on top. all of these forums are the same, people with the same or similar problems, with varying degrees of severity, who can all relate and commiserate on a certain level. but at the end of the day, the best use you can get out of things like this is to gather as much information from people who post about having success over these problems, and try to emulate what they do. but the key there is taking action. something like emetophobia does not just "go away" usually. more likely than not, it is a condition that one has to make the conscious effort to overcome, which usually involves putting yourself into situations which epitomize that which triggers the fear. in doing this, combined with relentless self correction of certain thoughts and behaviors, you "take the teeth out of the fears" as it was once put to me. but it is messy and never a smooth process. it requires commitment, and courage, which it sounds like you may have, as evidence of you joining this site. i have been plagued by these anxieties for as long as i can remember, but i have just recently decided to face these fears, by using these methods. they have worked for me with other issues of similar magnitude, and i believe they are applicable here too. good luck!

[lisalulu]

I eat out all the time, even stuff from street vendors, I travel and go on cruises, I use public restrooms, I let my daughter play with other toddlers and questionable communal toys in public places.

And Sage I am still nervous about riding in a car with someone who feels ill as my phobia started with my sister being car sick all over the back seat repeatedly over the years and me being trapped in in until my parents could pull off onto an exit. I find I am much more okay with people vomiting if we are outdoors in an open space.

[sage]

lisa - I was the same way for a long time. And because I don't have the opportunity to ride in cars with people very often, I can easily slip back into not wanting to. If you really want to get better ask some friends or family to help you and ride in the back seat with someone for a short trip. Next time make the trip a little longer, etc. Good luck!

[Momof6]

I would love to be normal. I am going on a trip (11 hrs. ) with my family in another week and a half and have been anxious daily about it. This has been off and on since I was a teen. I fear that someone will be sick in the car and I can't get away.

[Momof6]

Normal stuff I do...I love to eat out with my husband. I have never worried about the food and how it's cooked. I used to hate going to the movies but love to now.

[mama]

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[KelleighNicole]

I have the issue of riding in the car and becoming ill myself, not other people. I've never had that exposure to anyone around me being ill in that setting, luckily. I trick myself into thinking I have motion sickness, because I guess that's how I rationalize being so scared of driving on highways due to possibly feeling sick while on one. Something about highways triggers my fight or flight mechanism, and then it upsets my stomach, and well you guys know the rest.

[Kristen11]

Id say Im pretty normal lol
-Tuesday,Wendsday, Thursday Im a nanny for a 9 month old. Get thrown up on daily and get baby poop on my hands alot haha.
-Friday I babysit a 2 year old and a 2 month old, more puke, poop and germs.
-Sunday I work at a flea market, I work the cash register. And on my break I never wash my hands before I eat my lunch. Sounds dirty but its good exposure.
-I do not have any hand sanitizer and the only time I wash my hands are after using thr bathroom and before cooking food.
-I eat chicken & lots of it.
-I also eat seafood and love it.
-I am a full time college student and touch doors,desks, pencils, and public computers.
-I go to the mall and eat at the food court, I go to the board walk and eat the food.
-When Im at work at the flea market I do not hesitate to eat my food from there.
-I go to work despite feeling "off"
Im still a closet emet, so far Im doing a good job

[haylz113]

I do everything normal. I am not scared of germs or anything at all. I don't go out of my way to not get sick.

My problem is with seeing or hearing other people get sick. For no other reason than the sight and sound of it terrifies me for some reason!!

So I guess I don't really fit in with this thread!

[tink]

I eat out a lot
I tried (and liked) sushi :O
I eat expired food if it still looks/smells good
I only wash my hands after using the bathroom or before preparing food
I dont give in to anxiety and leave a place or a situation if i am scared

The big situation coming up is that a friend is getting married in December and wants to rent a limo for her bachlorette party and spend the night drinking in San Francisco. I will make myself do this, but I am unsure how to get through it anxiety free.

-Kim

[matt.giteau]

I read this article in German- in Berlin Kudamm and what the P.H.D doctor and psychologist said is that once the individual finds himself in the panic/vomiting situation to come to his/her senses and overcome the fear whilst your v*****. So when you do end up v****** just realise how pathetic the fear is and how harmless it actually is and if your brave enough joke about it. What you will find is that once the v**** has ended and the bug/food poisoning session has ended that you will realise as you did before that the experience really is not worth being scared of...and your brain will seize to attempt the 'fight or flight' effect that is also known as 'panic attacks'.