Tortured by my 4 year old

[Beathedog]

At some point every day, for the past week or so, my son says "I'm going to throw up." And then he doesn't. Or at least, he hasn't yet. Last weekend though, we were in Toys R Us, just he and I, and he started spitting and turning pale and then said it. I put the toys down and told him to follow me to the bathroom. I really thought this was it and was trying to think it through... if he did v*, I couldn't be in the stall with him. Could I run out and get someone who worked there to help, etc... Then he said, "it's stinky in here. I wanna go out." And was like, "but how is your tummy?" And he said, "it's better... I'm not gonna throw up." WHAT THE HELL??? My hands were shaking and I thought I was going to pass out.

I've been a wreck ever since. And I'm afraid to be alone with him. The anticipatory anxiety is off the charts... even though I'm pretty sure he won't actually throw up... I can't stop thinking about it.

And I'm traveling alone with him in 2 weeks. I know it's crazy, but I'm afraid of my own kid.

[ann32]

i understand how you feel 100 percent. I have a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old boys and they say they are going to throw up all the time....It drives me nuts, but they never do, I think every single feeling they have they attribute to throwing up. Especially since my kids watch cartoon network etc, bc they just joke about throw up all the time. they make throw up noises etc. now I actually can't believe it, but when they say that I just laugh, I can totally tell when they are going to get sick. I hope this phase passes soon!

[sage]

Kids have a "sixth sense" with their mothers and just know when they are anxious. So they respond to mom's anxiety in weird ways sometimes. I know it doesn't make any sense (logically) that they would say something to make you more anxious but it's true. And it's not on purpose or anything. Not like they're thinking "let's see how anxious I can make my mom." The thing is, when they say it you will suddenly have an "anxious focus" on the child. Like someone's pointing a gun at you and you can only intently stare at it. Enough theory...what will help? What you may find helpful is to spend at least one hour a day (or as much as possible) playing with your child. One-on-one. If you can do this for the whole 2 weeks as well as acting very "casual" when he says he's going to be sick my prediction is that he'll stop saying it. Good luck!

[Beathedog]

Thanks... those are both really helpful. My husband would agree with you Sage... he thinks my son has figured out that he gets a special reaction and focus from me when he says he's going to throw up.. as much as I try to downplay my response... so, apparently, he's on to me. Ann - do your boys know about your phobia? I'm torn about how to explain why I literally get away from him when he says he feels sick. I'm worried it's going to confuse him.

Thanks again,

Michelle
(Bea is my dog, who is my biggest comfort when I'm particularly anxious)

[mama]

My kids when through a phase like that. I endd up saying, "oh dear, you better go and lie in bed then while I bake a cake with your sister. You wont feel like licking the bowl if you are ill" Then if we were out and one of my kids says I 'm gonna throw up I say, "hey shall we and get a chocolate bar" distrcation works great alonside subtle re-direction. just me personally but I knowif my kids refuse chocolate and icecream then they must be feeling ill. I used to faff about interrogating them and panicking. once I stopped interrogating and re-directing their statements af nausea, they stopped doing it x

[mama]

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[wargerbil]

You can always react by tucking him into his nice quiet bed to rest a while until he feels better. *yawn* BORING! If he's actually sick, he'll want to rest. If not, then he just got himself all tucked into bed for NOTHING! Kind of like what mama said!

[sage]

The "punishment" approach may work to curb the "I'm going to throw up" declarations, but it won't necessarily solve the problem. You have to figure out why the child needs that kind of special attention from mom in the first place. Trust me, you don't want him still dealing with this when he's 14 - it will come out in a whole 'nother way! Play with him one-on-one. See if that solves the problem. It's worth a try!