My boyfriend won't let me try!!

[Embramp]

We've been together for over a year now and he knew I was an emet before we got together. At first he was really supportive and even bought me a box of chocolates when he got drunk and v* when I was upstairs!

But for some reason recently he's been getting really fed up with me to the extent where he stopped talking to me and I had to apologize for getting scared when he said he'd v* in the morning (when I'd spent the whole day with him not realising!!). I told him that when I get scared, all I need is for someone to give me a hug and to tell me that I'm not going to v*, yet he replied with 'I'll do my best to help Emily, but it's getting harder!'

He doesn't seem to see that I am getting better, slowly but steadily, so I decided to show him. The next time we went out to the pub, the morning after he said he felt sick so I should go home, but I said no, if you need to v* then just give me plenty of warning but do it and I will try my hardest to stay calm. I thought, I know that I can't catch a hangover so it'd be the perfect opportunity to show him that I can do it, yet he refused and just said he can't v* while I'm there because it's 'not worth the headache.'

So I tried again the other day when we were in a similar situation and practically pleaded with him to let himself v* so that I could prove to him I can do it and promised that I wouldn't panic, but he refused again!!

How can I prove to him that my emet isn't going to make things harder if he won't let me?!

[sage]

Interesting dilemma. Don't think I've heard of this one! I suggest trying to just "live your life" and keep working on the phobia. Don't make a big deal if he "kicks you out" since obviously it's now his problem, not your problem. If you get all uptight about "proving" your worth it may just exacerbate the conflict over it. You really can't prove anything to anyone. Prove it to yourself, day after day.

Good luck!

[Embramp]

Sorry it's taken me this long to reply, but thank you so much, that really has helped.

I know I need to just live my life, I just worry a lot about what other people think, which is difficult when it's the worrying itself that's causing the problem lol! Worrying about worrying is something I've been doing a lot recently and I think it's time I straightened myself out haha!

[bex]

I don't know about you, but the more frustrated/impatient someone gets because of my phobia, the worse I feel. For me, getting through panic attacks or enduring someone else being s* relies entirely on the people around me understanding and accommodating my fear. It sounds sad, but even to the extent that I will call/run to my mum in desperate times just to hear comforting words! So I can't imagine the distress you must be feeling if your boyfriend is saying those sorts of things to you... His increasing intolerance to your fear can't be healthy for your recovery - have you tried sitting down and talking to him properly? This guy should be your rock, not putting you under even more pressure!

Bex

[Embramp]

Yeah I definitely feel the same, I hate the thought that my phobia's causing me to be a burden to someone else! Which is why this has been worrying me so much :\
I haven't actually tried talking to him face to face about it properly.. I just get worried that it'll cause a fall-out and that's the last thing I want. I have said to him in the past that when I panic I just need to be told I'm not going to be sick, but he just hasn't taken it in for whatever reason!
He has been quite supportive recently with my therapy, like telling me to watch when there's v* on the tv and reassuring me it's not real... It's just in real-life situations where I'm in a real panic that he suddenly gets annoyed :S

[spilled_milk]

I have a similar situation with my boyfriend, and I'm also not positive what to do about it. He is extremely supportive, but I can tell he gets annoyed with me and I'm very worried that my fear is going to make him not want to be with me...too much of a hassle. It's upsetting. I guess as bad as it makes us feel that we can be a burden or annoying, it's probably better that we are aware of it. That way, we can try and do something to remedy it, be it letting him have his personal time or taking him out to dinner after you have a particularly bad freakout.

Good luck!