OT: The roommate thing, now there's a small child in my house.

[person54321]

So I had posted last week about how this guy was dumping two of his relatives in my apartment and how bad the whole thing is. Well it gets much worse since it turns out it's not just any two relatives, but it's his brother and his brother's two year old daughter. I don't really like children as is, but becoming emetophobic has made me really dislike being around them as they always seem sick with something.

It also turns out he's planning to stay here for a whole month. This is ridiculous and I don't think I should have to put up with it. I really don't know what to do. I can't leave because I already paid rent. I think this is incredibly unfair that I should not only have to share my apartment, but that it's for a month and with a child. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this?

[person54321]

Oh god. She wears a diaper and just left it on the floor. The guy came in and picked it up, put it in the trashcan, then went rummaging through my food without washing his hands. I can't do this. I'm freaking out.

[becca44]

The 1st thing you need to do is calm down, your flatmate should have discussed this with you as youre so unhappy about it, unfortunately it looks like they are there to stay, theres not much you can do unless you stay with friends or family for 2 weeks. The little girl is only 2 therefore not at school so unlikely to bring germs into the house, a wet diaper on the floor wont harm you at all, if its a soiled one left lying around then its a different story. Kids are sick more than adults but they dont vomit on a daily basis or even a monthly basis, i wouldnt be a mum if they did! If i was you id take this opportunity to face your demons and maybe even end up enjoying having a 2 year old around, they can be a lot of fun.

[person54321]

I've never really gotten along with children. And it was a used diaper, I'm not sure what was in it, I didn't see it. I want to put a stop payment on my rent check. I'm not on a lease.

I just moved here so I don't have friends or family nearby.

[becca44]

If you really feel that strongly then stop your rent cheque and find somewhere else asap. I personally love kids and would have 10 if i wasnt emet! I doubt anybody would leave a diaper filled with poo on the floor and not bag it before binning it and washing their hands after, if they did then they are def the wrong roommate for you in the 1st place! Can you afford to rent a place alone? That may be better.

[person54321]

He put it in a plastic bag, but he didn't wash his hands. She obviously didn't wash hers either and then touched my doorknob. She's crawling all over everything touching things. I had to rent the apartment on craigslist so I never met them. The original roommate I was supposed to be living with is bad enough (a real control freak), but I was promised this guy wouldn't even be here. He doesn't live here he just didn't want to bother his girlfriend too much by putting them up there since he just had visitors there a week ago apparently.

[becca44]

If hes not even supposed to be there cant you get in touch with the agent who arranges the rental and complain, i have no idea how the system works but there must be someone who can help especially if this guy isnt even on the lease.

[person54321]

Legally he's supposed to be here, he has a lease. He just hasn't lived here since December. What if she gets a stomach bug while she's here? What if she had one recently?

[becca44]

Youve got to start thinking rationally, shes a child of 2, all children gets bugs as do adults but that doesnt mean that all children are constantly ill and throwing up, theyre not! As long as her father makes sure that she has good personal hygiene she will not get ill, also think about it, shes got to be in contact with a sick person in the first place to get sick herself, shes not at school so cant pick up any viruses. A few children randomly throw up for no reason but its not common at all and if she did throw up randomly it doesnt mean that its a virus and you will get sick too.

[tabster]

I think the reason kids are sick more is because they haven't built up an immune system yet. So even if she WERE to get sick (which she probably won't), your immune system would fight it off like it was nothing.

Perhaps you should talk to the guy. Tell him that you are a very clean person, and it grosses you out to see diapers on the floor. And maybe put some Germ X in the kitchen so maybe he will see it and use it before he touches the food.

[barbiegirl]

I'm so sorry you are stuck in this situation. It totally sucks. I may just be a total bitch, but he is not your guest and he is living in your home so you have every right to lay down the house rules so to speak. I would write up an itemized list of the rules (including handwashing and that he is not to be touching/eating your food/using your bathroom unless they want to pay you for rent and groceries). If you make it obvious that you don't want them there and stick to your guns regarding the rules maybe they will take the hint and get a hotel where they belong. I would not put up with this at all.

[person54321]

Thanks everyone. I'm meeting with everyone tonight at some point to talk about this. The unfortunate thing is they're nice people. I wish they were really obnoxious so I would have an easy time telling them to gtfo. The kid is really well behaved and quiet (but doesn't wash her hands as far as I can tell, she's too short) and the dad seems like a really nice guy. They're spending most of their time in their room so that's good. The other good thing is they're mostly keeping to themselves and they're being very good about only using my roommate's bathroom and never mine, so at least that is one area I can know is "safe."

The problem is I'm the only one who minds them staying so the problem is kind of on me... :-/

I'm not scared of people randomly v* if I know I can't catch it (i.e. drunk people) but I'm nervous if I don't know why they're sick.

[person54321]

I also think it's incredibly unfair that given that I pay equal rent to everyone else that I should have no say in whether an entire family stays here for an extended period of time. No one asked me, my other roommate (not the guy who has the guests) just told me that it was happening without asking.

[person54321]

Ack omg he changed a soiled diaper and didn't wash his hands before going into the kitchen. Is there some subtle not obnoxious way to tell someone to wash their hands???

His brother who is also here cooks bacon and doesn't wash his hands after touching the raw meat.

[becca44]

Just take a deep breath and tell him he could make himself or his daughter sick by not washing his hands after changing diapers or touching raw meat and preparing other food. No wonder theres so much illness around when people cant even practice good hygiene! Im pleased to hear that they are nice people and are keeping themselves to themselves though.

[person54321]

Today they are not keeping to themselves. The girl was flinging her blanket and toys across my laptop when the dad wasn't watching and all I can think is, what if she got sick on that blanket within the past two weeks or so?

I hate this and I hate them being here. I feel like I can't even be in the main living areas anymore because everything is contaminated. I've had to take a small stash of silverware and plates to my room because otherwise they put their unwashed hands all over them. I feel so trapped.

[becca44]

Please try and think rationally, if the child had been sick on the blanket it would have been washed in the washing machine, therefore no germs, i still would def have words about the hygiene, maybe in a jokey way but get your point across, i really dont know what you can do to change the situation. If its a nice day where you are why dont you take a book and go to the local park and just spend an hour away from it all to relax a bit.

[person54321]

The problem is I have to cook in that kitchen and can't use bleach on the granite.

[wargerbil]

Maybe you should try to spend as much time as possible out of the house for the next month? Fortunately it's summer so being out shouldn't be unpleasant.

Are these people paying rent? Maybe you should ask to have a house meeting or something and lay down some rules for the house, like ask people to clean up their messes in the kitchen after using it, etc...

[person54321]

Omg she v*. She wasn't home, but she was out at a restaurant and v*. Her dad says she isn't sick, she ate this GIANT cookie really fast and that she just pukes sometimes (his words "she's a puker"). But still I can't help but worry. I feel surprisingly calm and actually believe him when he says, "she definitely doesn't have the stomach flu."

[cinque]

It won't be an sv* - some little children do just throw up quite easily. I don't think you're under a huge risk by having a small child living in the house but I do think it is COMPLETELY inappropriate for someone to bring a child into a house-share situation. Obviously a two-year-old isn't going to respect personal boundaries and give you space etc because they are unaware of such things. So it is really uncomfortable to be living with a child who isn't related to you. I would get SO angry in that sort of situation with people just using my house as a sort of hostel. And these people should not be touching your food at all. It sounds like they're all a bit clueless as to how to behave in a thoughtful/mature manner. I would definitely suggest moving out asap and stopping the cheque. There's only going to be more and more hassle I would think because it sounds like the other tenants are thoughtless and selfish. I don't think you're going to get ill from this situation but my heart goes out to you - living in stressful conditions in shared accommodation is just so draining. Maybe you should look up your legal rights etc too. Is your boyfriend being supportive? xxx