im done

[krabcakes99]

Hey guys, sorry if i keep posting about this, but I have a MAJOR binging problem. It got better for like a day but now it's completely out of control. I am so afraid of what might happen. I always want to throw up, but then I have a panic attack when I actually think I will. I can't take it anymore. I am so depressed again. I don't wanna see friends all that much. And yesterday I ate a load of horrible food, such as CAKE, CAKE, AND MORE CAKE. And this morning I ate the rest of the cake... trust me, it was not a normal sized piece. More like 10 pieces put together. I hate myself so much right now. I even had to cancel a bike ride with my friend because my stomach hurts so much. I have tried to control my eating but it is so hard and I can't seem to carry through with it ever. My mom tries to help me, but I end up binging when she's not around anyway. I hate it so much. I have never hated anything so passionately in my entire life. I can just imagine myself being huge and disgustingly fat in a couple months. And then I'll have no control over ANYTHING. I'm so afraid of what will happen when the food finally catches up with me. I used to be so fat when I was younger and last year I was anorexic and I've also been an emet since I was 7. I am so sick of dealing with all these ridiculous food problems. I wish I could just eat to survive, instead of putting all of my focus on it. I seriously can't take it anymore. I never want to eat again. And I'm sorry for being a brat or feeling sorry for myself because i know i must sound stupid but I don't even care Im so mad at myself right now and depressed and upset and sick all over...

[cinque]

I am so sorry you are going through this. You don't sound stupid. It's an eating disorder. It's not your fault. Are you getting proper professional help with this? Have you seen a doctor? I really think you should. You can get through this but you need the right assistance. A lot of people go through this sort of thing; you're not alone. Do you starve yourself at times as well? The right healthcare professionals will be able to rebuild your relationship with food so it is healthy and you can enjoy eating, and make it so that food is not the focus of your day. Honestly, things will get better. Can you make an appointment to see your doctor soon? Or see a counsellor at your school?