Hey guys, sorry if i keep posting about this, but I have a MAJOR binging problem. It got better for like a day but now it's completely out of control. I am so afraid of what might happen. I always want to throw up, but then I have a panic attack when I actually think I will. I can't take it anymore. I am so depressed again. I don't wanna see friends all that much. And yesterday I ate a load of horrible food, such as CAKE, CAKE, AND MORE CAKE. And this morning I ate the rest of the cake... trust me, it was not a normal sized piece. More like 10 pieces put together. I hate myself so much right now. I even had to cancel a bike ride with my friend because my stomach hurts so much. I have tried to control my eating but it is so hard and I can't seem to carry through with it ever. My mom tries to help me, but I end up binging when she's not around anyway. I hate it so much. I have never hated anything so passionately in my entire life. I can just imagine myself being huge and disgustingly fat in a couple months. And then I'll have no control over ANYTHING. I'm so afraid of what will happen when the food finally catches up with me. I used to be so fat when I was younger and last year I was anorexic and I've also been an emet since I was 7. I am so sick of dealing with all these ridiculous food problems. I wish I could just eat to survive, instead of putting all of my focus on it. I seriously can't take it anymore. I never want to eat again. And I'm sorry for being a brat or feeling sorry for myself because i know i must sound stupid but I don't even care Im so mad at myself right now and depressed and upset and sick all over...