Help me please

[DeadxxInside92]

Hi everyone,
my name is Kay and I am 19 years old. I have been emetophobic for as long as I can remember. I have a panic attack every time I or someone around me feels nauseated. I think about throwing up all day, every day even if I am trying so desperately to think about something else, the thought of me vomiting, or someone else vomiting is ALWAYS in the back of my godforsaken head. ;( Guys, to make a long story short; this is seriously ruining my life. I am losing the will to live because every day is the same. I just live in fear and it's no way to live. I hate it. I am so depressed. I have GAD and am currently seeing a therapist for it and my depression but she knows nothing about emetophobia. I took Zofran for a long time but then my doctor stopped prescribing it because it wasn't healthy. BLAH! I basically live off of Pepto and Nauzene, Tums, etc. You name it, I've tried it. I hate having anxiety. I HATE being an emet. I seriously don't really eat anything because I'm absolutely terrified of getting sick. I know I am malnourished. I eat about one meal a day and on really bad days I will eat a piece of toast and maybe a banana. I suffer from diarrhea and dry heaving. It is awful. I sometimes try and force myself to throw up because maybe if I can control it, it won't be so scary but I just dry heave instead The other night my dad went to the bathroom and I heard hideous coughing. I ran up in my room and covered my ears and started sobbing because I thought he was throwing up. I feel like such a fucking pathetic twit I'm NINETEEN going on TWENTY years old for God's sake Why does this have to happen to me? WHAT did I do to deserve this? I'm so sorry about the length but I am begging you for advice or treatment options. ANYTHING. I feel like I've tried it all. I don't want to live my life like this...

[ricci]

Hi kay! I'm so sry u feel so depressed! but u should know u r not alone! I always have the thoughts of v*** in my head and its ruining my life too! I spent my summer hiding at home! No beach, no pubs, no clubs!! Everyone of us goes by a day with depression when we wish that everything should end! U know as long as u r sad this will increase, I know from my self! Try to be happy with what u have bcz eventually we all have to learn to live with it right? I went to a psy for about 5 sessions and left bcz I felt that I'm the one who can fight this not the doctor! Try to ignore it all! Tell urself that it is ok if it happens, everyone v* its natural! I hope u'll get out of this depression! No need to feel depressed kay gd luck!! Be strong!

[livepink]

Hi Kay. I can definitely relate to you, I'm 19 as well going to be 20 on Friday and I know how hard it can be to deal with. I also have thoughts of v* in my head all the time and it really can make you depressed & exhausted. However, you are not a 'pathetic twit' at all! You are strong and you can handle this We all go through bad periods with our emet but it can get better. I used to leave high school everyday and was threatened by my doctor to be put in the hospital for not eating. I learned different coping techniques and while I'm not cured, I managed to finish high school, finish college that I had to commute to everyday an hour away, get my CNA certificate and now I work in a nursing home with the ill. You may be at a low point now but it will get better! If you ever want to talk or are feeling bad feel free to PM me, you're not alone!

[Billie Randle]

I generally thought this was a message that I had posted until I saw the name. I'm in the exact same position- remember you are not alone. xxxx