relationships and emetophobia?

[ForeverrCaitlin]

just curious as to how having relationships works out while having emetophobia. like for example i'm kinda avoiding them because it makes you all nervous and butterflies in your stomach but then with my emet, i take it as a false sign xD.

[spilled_milk]

My boyfriend is generally really understanding of my emet, but occasionally it does cause problems. For example, he can get really upset when I don't want to go out, because he doesn't want to go without me, but he also doesn't want to stay at home. Or he'll get really frustrated with me always feeling sick. I guess they're like normal relationships, but with a little added kick, haha.

[ForeverrCaitlin]

haha yea. i started almost was with my friend who really liked me, and i knda liked him back but i was just so caught up in all my issues i declined. we had tried once before, guess its just not meant to be lol.

[CrazyGirl1123]

My husband tries to be understanding but a lot of the time he can be more hurtful then helpful.. Our marriage has come very close to falling apart because of my emetophobia. Ive learned that you need supportive people in you life, people who make you feel better, not worse! We are working on our marriage, I don't know what's going to happen in the future but if your significant other is not supportive, they aren't worth it. You need someone who will stand by your side, do the research with you, go to the therapy sessions with you and help you through the anxiety!

Also! You have to learn that we are only human and we can't fault them for feeling frusterated sometimes! I feel so bad when my husband wants to go out and I just dont feel good.. it sucks!

[bakogirl]

I'm with you on that sister. My husband is supportive about 30 percent of the time. The rest is either making fun of me, cracking jokes, or just getting downright irritated with me. It hurts alot because he doesn't understand the torment this phobia puts me through. I had a delay on telling him because I had my mom for complete support, but when she passed I had nobody to turn to except him and that sucked. If you do get in a relationship don't wait years like I did. Because the fear causes anxiety which leads to more problems, and if later down the road you have a mental breakdown like I did, then you don't want your guy to look at you like who's this nut? But as long as your honest about you, you should be fine. Get a boyfriend! Have fun! And be young! 

[ricci]

My ex is the only person who knows bout my phobia! And bcz of that I only go out with him and turned down so many other guys! It sucks!

[jempeacock]

I once stayed with a boyfriend for too long beacause he was one of the only people that could calm me down when I was scared. However many times I would call him and he would tell me I wasn't really sick and to stop being stupid. I think eventually he got sick of it too... for example going on holiday causes so much anxiety that I just don't eat and he would get so angry by the end.

Many people don't understand that this is a real phobia and has an effect on everything we do!! BUT you should go for it always - its a hurdle but not an unmanageable one. xxxxxx

[ForeverrCaitlin]

wow it seems like things can get kinda rough, luckily at least here everyone understands what it's like
in 9th grade i was like completely emet free, i think its because i was so caught up in being "in love", unfortunately i think it did more harm than good, after we broke up my emet has gotten worse :/

[ricci]

I totally agree! I've stayed with my ex 3 years and was emet free! I dated after we broke up and when I realised that I still care for my ex I started to b emet! And now everytime I see him I'm emet free!

[ForeverrCaitlin]

I think the only time im kinda emet free is when im with my friend jocelyne, shes pretty supportive and helps me out whenever i need it :3

[jasminemarie]

I'm about to go into a new relationship and haven't done so since my phobia peaked so high. It is very nerve-racking and when we kiss etc (sorry if tmi) I am constantly thinking about passing of germs, has he v* etc. He doesn't know about this yet, and I would like to feel one day in the future that he would be able to support me at times of need etc.

Also I'm planning to stay at his house tomorrow (regarding I dont get ill - having a major panic right now ) and this is the first time I have stayed away except for once with family on holiday, which was bad enough, in a long long time. I am very nervous but hopefully I will succeed in staying as it will be a big barrier to get through I think.

[ssjj]

I think that being in a relationships can really help your emet, or at least for me. For some reason, it makes me care less about it and I am generally more relaxed in all my habits, routines and hygiene rules. Like I kissed my boyfriend just over a week after he v*d with a sv*, and I felt that was a huge step for me. Obviously the extra support helps too if they are an understanding person, but I guess depending on how old you are (I'm just a teen) it's a difficult phobia for people to understand. And to be honest, if you trusted someone enough to be in a relationship with them, you should feel assured that the least they can offer is some support even if they don't understand it properly

[livepink]

for me, as long as I'm emetophobic I'll never be in a relationship. I find that I only travel to and from work and close to home with certain friends, which makes meeting someone virtually impossible. I can remember the days when I was in highschool/college I was never home, partied 24/7, had relationships and never worried about anything - those were the days! haha

[asianeko]

I find that my boyfriend is super understanding of my phobia. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I would be at the point in my recovery that I am today. Granted, he was also my biggest trigger before he stopped drinker as much.

He screens films for me to make sure they are safe, and makes sure everything is cooked properly as well. I'm pretty spoiled.

[lemonwackyhello]

I only just recently told my boyfriend about my emet and he was surprisingly understanding. He said that everyone has their fears and their phobias and considering the types of phobias out there, mine was arguably one of the sanest. This shocked me, but he was entirely genuine.

He then went through his own fears and phobias to demonstrate, and it actually made me feel a little better about it. However, it's still quite early on, so I worry that he'll eventually get tired of me. But so far, he's only ever been supportive.

[geckohouse]

Relationships can be a mixed bag. Get the right one and they can help you manage the anxiety better. Get the wrong one and they pump up the stress levels. For a partner who doesn't have emetophobia or anxiety it can look a bit weird. But it would be seem even weirder if you don't tell them what it is.

[samantha.goodchild]

ive been in a relationship for 11 months now i was so scared to tell him but i did and he was so understanding sometimes when im to scared to go out he doesnt get it because he knows i wont catch anything,, and if he gets sick ( which he hasnt) he told me he will stay away from me until im ready to see him . so in my opinion its good because evan if they dont fully understand its good to have someone to talk to and nd stuff besides your parents you know

[EmR]

I am not in a relationship but if I was he would have to be totally understanding a supportive of my emetophobia in the first place.

[AnimatedFreak101]

Yeah. I hate that butterflies feeling. I'm experiencing it right now too because my crush is texting me, atm. Lol! But yeah, I've been in a relationship despite my phobia. It lasted for about a year! There were times, though, that I would get kind of panicky before dates. With a little will power, though, I was able to get through that. You just need to be honest and let them know that you have this phobia. That's what I would do.

[kyphie]

I just started a new relationship. My boyfriend is trying to be understanding but he really doesn't get it. I'm trying hard to be a little more rational so that he doesn't get frustrated with me...

[kam00096]

My ex is the only person who has ever understood my emet properly. he had really bad allergies and asthma so he got panicking and being scared of certain things. We used to be a nightmare if we went out for a meal - I'd be asking how well cooked everything was and he'd be asking if it contained nuts! Needless to say we didn't go out much i still miss him when I'm feeling really bad but that's not exactly a reason to stay in a relationship that's not working!

[idontfeelreal]

My ex boyfriend who is also still a really good friend and my current boyfriend are the only two who know about it other than my parents who really don't know much about it other than I have the phobia.

My ex boyfriend was understanding as much as he could and was accomodating to the best of his abilities, but he never really understood the way I needed him to.

My current boyfriend is the one person I have completely opened up to about every detail of this phobia and he can actually relate a great deal (he has an extremely limited diet and gets anxiety trying new foods, so it kind of ties in a bit). However, I am pretty discrete with my habits and don't really put them out for everyone to see. No one really has the slightest idea that I am Emet. I try my hardest not to really let this take control in my relationships or affect the other person. My boyfriend knows my limits, what I will and will not do, etc etc, so he doesn't question, doesn't push it, doesn't think twice. We have a good understanding of one another and I like it this way

[heydani]

I think I'm one of the lucky ones, I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, and every day he helps me, he talks my anxiety down allll the time. He is great and really helps me. So yes I do think emet and relationships are possible.

[Erica1649]

I don't think my hubby really "understands" it, but he puts up with it.

The only thing he hates about my phobia is if he moves suddenly from bed, or burps really loudly, or anything out of the ordinary (or at least I think its out of the ordinary) I get to be a bit annoying with constantly asking, "Are you okay?" "Are you okay?"

[lemonwackyhello]

I avoided relationships because I have a built in warning now. If I lose my inhibitions and feel, to my reckoning 'too happy', anxiety slams into me and reminds me that I can't get too happy or else a sv* will catch me off guard. So, whenever I would be genuinely enjoying myself with a partner, all of a sudden I would be flooded with anxiety and I went from laughing and enjoying myself, to quiet and I'd want to go home.

However, I managed to find a partner and I told myself that I wouldn't tarnish our early relationship with my phobia, I'd deal with things myself. I would only tell him when the problem properly arises (ie: He's actually ill). Which happened all too soon(it ended up being a huge misunderstanding), and I had a bit of a breakdown , bottling up all noticeable signs of my distress but scratching my hand - needless to say, he noticed. I ended up telling him, he got the first aid kit out, band-aided me up and told me that it was all fine, and that he loved me unconditionally, and even if he didn't know what to do sometimes, he would never get angry at me for it and he didn't love me any less.

So, what I'm saying is that you won't know until you try. You might find a very supportive, loving person that you couldn't dream of living without, who is able to help you through those tough times, not persecute you or get angry. You might find someone who isn't right for you, but that's okay, too. It's all about discovering yourself and what and who you're comfortable with.

[Kyass]

My mother played the cruelest trick on me, but not on purpose. My boyfriend and I went to pick her up after she had been drinking at a bar. I was freaking out the entire time. I was driving, and OF COURSE, plum drunk off her ass and as soon as she gets in the car, my mother looks at me and says, "Oh, I can't buckle my seat belt or I'm going to p*!" I instantly white-knuckled the steering wheel. We didn't get five minutes down the street from the bar when she made me pull over. We nearly got in a wreck because I sped into a parking lot, threw the car in park and got out having a panic attack. I didn't even properly park the car! I think I was half in the driveway of the lot and half on the street, lol.

This was the first time my boyfriend had ever seen me react like I had. I was sobbing and hyperventilating, as per usual. He got out of the car and held me. He had no idea what I was so upset about, even though we'd been talking about it in the car. It was the sweetest he'd ever been (which is why we aren't together anymore! lol). He just held me and calmed me down. He put his jacket around me and told me he'd drive and that everything would be okay. Like a loser, I seriously sat in the back seat, wrapped three jackets around me (one backwards so I could put the hood over my face) and just sat in there sobbing the entire car ride.

You never know what you're going to get. You just have to go for it. You never know what someone will do!

[ForeverrCaitlin]

@Kyass aww that was so sweet of him!

[Kyass]

@Caitlin, it was the only nice thing he ever did for me! LOL! Naw, he was a good guy, especially when it came to my phobia.

It's all about trial and error. Anyone worth loving will love all of the ugliest parts of you.

-Kassie

[Eszter Szabó]

Hello!
I am new on this page and I just read this chat.
What I want to say, that I never was in a relationship before because of my pfobia before. If a boy wants to get closer to me I always feel that I am going to be a "stone" to him, because I don't like going out. I talk with them, but I fear that they won't be comfortable next to me in a relationship. What dou you guys think about it? Do you feel like this?