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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Washington (the state, not the capital)
    Posts
    4

    Default My Dad Doesn't Get It

    So, I've just started in an Oceanographic Research College, it branches off of a community college, and it requires a lot of work. It's especially stressful because I'm only 16 and am in it for running start. I'm loving it, but the new amount of stress is triggering my anxiety which is triggering my stomach problems like never before. Lately, in the evenings, I'm having panic attacks and nausea which I've tried to explain to my dad because he never seems to know what to do to help me.
    Tonight, I had a huge panic attack. Now, I'm not one of those people to make a big deal out of stuff or to over-exaggerate. Believe me, I've done my homework on anatomy and how different chemicals in the brain play a huge role in how you feel and much of it you can actually control on a whim. Still, I've realized that if I've encountered a long period of stress during the day, it takes a huge physical toll late at night and I undergo the cycle of anxiety to feeling sick to more anxiety to feeling worse. I often get angry at myself for not being able to control it better, especially when the emetophobia is factored in.
    I have, in one instance, come close to suicide during an episode of a stomach virus. I thought that since it had been a long time since I had been sick, I wouldn't near suffocate that time. However, it was no different. My dad knows this. The thing is, I have a love for life. I don't want to die, but I fear that I might actually off myself if I throw up again. I realize that it sounds insane. That it sounds like someone in need of mental therapy, but I know that I have no other mental problems except anxiety. I've never felt the need to die, but my phobia has gotten so much worse over time.
    Tonight, I ended up crying hysterically while feeling sicker than usual. I had pretty much downed our whole medicine cabinet, but was still at the point where I was both terrified of getting sick and angry for not being able to control it. My dad began yelling at me, telling me to sit down, shut up, and stop crying. He said that I was just dramatizing the whole thing and that "phobias" are not real. The thing is, this would be my thinking as well. I would never in a million years take my fear seriously, but I am astounded at the fact that I can't dismiss it so easily.
    I've tried to explain to him that I wish I didn't feel this way all the time. That the stress is a neurological reaction affecting me physically in a way that is hard to ignore. That the fear is something I could never pretend to have and I would give anything to leave it behind. And yet, he still gets angry at me. And I'm not sure what to do.

    I apologize for the lengthy post, I just needed a place to vent where it would be relevant and possibly understood.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Austin, Texas
    Posts
    1,198

    Default Re: My Dad Doesn't Get It

    Hey, it's good to write down how you are feeling, it helps to relieve some of the stress. Many other people here understand how you feel and I do too. When I was younger I wanted to kill myself too, I was actually jealous of dead people because they no longer had to worry about throwing up EVER AGAIN. Non emets would think that is completely ridiculous and insane to rather die then be sick. Nobody who doesn't suffer can never understand the seriousness of what we go through. Therapist, doctors ect usually want to stem it down to something else or drown us in zombie pills where we feel numb. I wish your dad could understand you, I wish my family understood me. The only advice I can give you is to be strong for yourself, some days are going to be great and others not so great. Your life isn't worth losing over being sick, most the time what you feel is anxiety and irrational thoughts. Your dad wont listen to you so my suggestion is you tell someone who will. Maybe call a teen crisis hotline and talk to someone when you feel at your lowest. Tell someone who you can trust or sit down with your dad and beg and plead with him to help you. You also need to help yourself by controlling your thoughts. As you mentioned the brain is a powerful object and different chemicals, hormones released can be controlled if you just try. I never got help when I was younger, I some how was able to fight it, I'm not totally better and the fear comes and goes. I really wish someone would have helped me at your age. Please talk to someone and get serious with your dad about helping you. There is some emetophobia information sheets you can print out and have your dad read. Maybe if he is educated he'll understand it's more then dramatizing a situation. Good luck.
    My Jacob makes life beautiful.

 

 

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