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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    8

    Question How do I help boyfriend understand phobia? Help please!

    Hi everyone,
    I am new here and wanted to ask your advice. I am 29 years old and have a really severe form of this phobia ever since I can remember. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I have been in a relationship with for just over a year and feel like my phobia is going to ruin things between us. He likes to go out and drink on special occasions, and when he does I tend to get really paranoid about what will happen. Last night we celebrated his birthday, and his best friend spends most of his time drunk, so I am not too happy when he comes around. Anyways, I have explained my fear to my bf many times, and we came to an agreement that he wouldn't drink too much. He had a couple of saki shots at dinner in a short amount of time (his friend was kind of pressuring him to drink a lot) and I got scared and wanted to go home. He said I ruined his birthday and I cried for hours feeling guilty. He isn't mad anymore, and I think I made this a much bigger issue than it was because of my guilt, but I am afraid my irrational fear is going to put a huge strain on us. He is amazing and I know he is patient with my issues, but I feel like I am keeping him from having fun. I have this guilt ridden feeling that I get when my children are sick and I have to run away, and my bf never throws up when he drinks but I always worry that I will be there for that "one time" he does. He doesn't drink heavily often at all since we have been together, but I don't want him to feel like I am controlling because I throw a fit when he wants to. He is totally over the birthday dinner but I keep bringing it up because I feel bad. Uggh, so frustrating! I am so tired of this fear destroying my life and those around me. I really want to get help, but I have limited insurance, and not much money as I am a full time student. I am horrified of exposure therapy... don't see how that could help much but make me more traumatized.

    So I guess my question is... have any of you experienced strain on your relationships because of this? I really don't want to drive this poor guy crazy with this stupid fear. How have you dealt with this? Any ideas or advice would be greatly appreciated! Sorry for rambling on... just upset and worried as usual... thank you for your help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    4,085

    Default Re: How do I help boyfriend understand phobia? Help please!

    I have experienced a little strain, but my boyfriend is really understanding. I do get that it can be really hard for him to deal with me, but it seems like you get that too I've talked to him about my phobia, and he understands to a degree. He realizes that I am scared and tries to help me. He logically knows why I am afraid, but he can't completely understand because he doesn't feel the fear himself. Have you talked to your boyfriend about the extent of your phobia? Communication is really helpful with emet. For instance, my boyfriend and I have a deal that 1. if he is throwing up drunk, he will take it far away from me and 2. if he is sick or throwing up for any reason, he will tell me so I can take proper precautions.

    There is definite strain on the relationship at times, I can tell you that much. He gets frustrated when I don't want to go out, or if I have an especially hard or irrational day. I freaked out on his birthday this year and, yes, he was upset. But just like your boyfriend, he got over it (although I definitely felt guilty!). Having a conversation about his limits and your limits really did help us, and we just take it day by day.

    Good luck!
    PM me for contact info such as skype, email, or facebook. Thanks!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    north carolina, usa
    Posts
    4,272

    Default Re: How do I help boyfriend understand phobia? Help please!

    when i found this forum and realized that the fear i had actually had a name and i wasn't alone i was ecstatic. i let my husband, mother and sisters read the questions and information section of this forum.......even printed a copy for my doctor. i also found some posts that truly sounded like how i felt and asked them to read them too........let them get a feel for just how scarey this really is for me.......of course, the don't totally "get it".......but they said they have a much better understanding on why i react the way i do to things.........also letting them in on my "secret" has taken tons of pressure off me which in turn has lowered my emet symptons alot....

    share this site with them.........
    how i feel about emet
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: How do I help boyfriend understand phobia? Help please!

    Thank you girls for your advice! I think he isn't understanding the severity of the phobia because he has a milder version of arachnaphobia, so I am constantly "getting" his spiders for him, but because his fear isn't so intense, he doesn't realize how bad it can actually get. He tries to relate but he is a lot more desensitized because spiders are dealt with on a daily basis. I will share this website with him when I feel a little more confident. I am still a little embarrassed about the birthday weekend and the scene I made

 

 

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