I thought I had it beat..

[HeatherC]

I thought I had emet beat. I really did. A year ago, I was essentially a shut in. I didn't go anywhere unless it was necessary. My son and I stayed home almost all the time.

Last spring, I started to get some control over it. Mind over matter, I guess. I enrolled back in school to finish my Bachelors... and although it was scary, I enrolled my son in daycare (one of my very biggest fears.)

Since my son started daycare, he has had cold after cold, ear infection after ear infection, and I have been able to take care of him just fine. He even V once from coughing a lot with a cold, and it didn't scare me at all.

Then today on the way home from daycare, he started to V. A lot. And I panicked. I was shaking crying. I called my mom and begged her to leave work and meet me at the house. Thankfully, she did. I was able to get my son inside and undressed, and clean up some of my car, but since then I have pretty much just checked out. It is still happening, but my mom is taking care of him.

I am hiding in the basement. Shaking, crying, and feeling sick myself. I know it is probably just nerves, but I just can't help but think that I have been exposed and on top of that I feel like the worst mother on the planet. All he wants is me, and my poor mom is taking care of him because I can't.

I don't know what I am looking for by posting this, I am just freaking out and I want to feel better. Help me.

[CrazyGirl1123]

Your son is more important then this phobia! Do not let it take control of your parenting! If you catch it, so be it! Your son needs you, get up there and comfort him!

I do not mean to sound harsh.. I know I would be the same way if I had children but sometimes you need to just suck it up. I haven't v* in 10 years and I wish I would just get sick all ready and move on!

How are you feeling now? How's your son?

[katherines6]

That sounds really scary! I would really thank your mom if I were you!
I want to agree with CrazyGirl that you should help your son, but I can't. If I was putting myself in your shoes, going up the basement stairs to face a v*ing person would be a living nightmare. But you're right, what he needs now is his mother, and my advice is this: even if you can't care for him yourself, I would try to go upstairs and at least be on the same floor as him, if not the same room, to try and get over your fear and help your son a little bit more so he can know that you're near. I know it would be terrifying and I know I would DIE if I had to go be by a sick person, and I'm not saying being on the same floor will definantly help you, but I think it would do you some good to be exposed to the kind of thing that mothers have to get used to dealing with.
Good job facing your fears and enrolling him in daycare.

[cloughie]

I wouldn't know what to do in your situation but all i ask is that he doesn't see you in this state because he might think he's been naughty or learn that this is something to be scared of.
I know it's scary but he might have stopped now as he only has a tiny stomach and you might be able to go and see him.

[olschesky]

not sure how well i would be able to handle this either. i agree with cloughie that your son doesn't need to see you like this......so you need to try and collect yourself so you can go be around him. i'm sure you're following good hygiene and chances are slim you will catch it.

you will get through this........and you will get back out and go to school tomorrow.......give your mom a big hug

[HeatherC]

Thank you everyone. I was terrified and also worried that he would see me freaking out and get scared himself. I can't think of anything worse than passing this fear onto my child and watching him have to live with it.

I am beyond grateful for my mother, who did most of the "dirty work." She is not afraid-at all, and was happy to help me. She is aware of my fear and has watched me deal with it since I was a young child. She has difficulty understanding it, but she really tries. My son was in very good hands. I don't know what I would have done without her.

I guess I was looking for understanding. I have plenty of people in my life who don't understand and will tell me to just snap out of it, so I definitely don't need any more of that. I know that it is messed up that I couldn't be the one cuddling him on the couch and cleaning him up when he got sick, but I just couldn't. I felt like a failure as a mother and cried all night because I couldn't force my brain to just get over it and do it. This fear overrides all of my rational thoughts when it comes to that.

In my defense, having my son get sick in the car was one of my biggest fears, but I stayed relatively calm, drove home, got him in the bath, and cleaned my car. Looking back, I am proud that I handled that the way that I did.

I did help by doing the laundry and bringing him warm towels and blankets out of the dryer, which was a big step for me. I did come upstairs quite a bit and helped as much as I could force myself to.

I appreciate all of the kind words more than you all know. I am sad that other people have to experience this fear, but it is good to know that I am not alone in this.

[KelleighNicole]

I'm a mom, too. I have TWO babies, one is 2 and one is 7 months. This fear controls my life, so I know how scary it is being a mom with it.

I understand where CrazyGirl is coming - but I think it just sounds the wrong way when someone with children says they're hiding in the basement 'from' their v* child. I think the actual fact of the matter is that as mothers it makes us feel 10x more helpless than we did before we were mothers, and simply just emetophobic without being exposed to it. If any of you have an underlying anxiety disorder as I do, you know the hugest thing about anxiety is the fear of not being able to escape or 'get out.' If you have a child that is YOUR child, YOUR responsibility, in YOUR home, and he or she is v* and that is your biggest fear but you obviously love your child - you feel greatly torn and terrible about yourself, I've been there, and it sucks.

I hope that your son is feeling better & that you yourself have since relaxed. <3