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  1. #1
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    Question Having friends over

    Hi.
    So my 14th birthday is on the 16th of November. I'm having a birthday party, but every time I get together with friends I end up having a terrible time, because I get anxious and then have to attempt to hide that I am absolutely terrified. This is less of an emetophobia question and more of an anxiety question (even though the reason I have anxiety is because of my emetophobia.). Any suggestions on how to keep the anxiety under controll and just relax and have fun? I am definately NOT having a sleepover; those are disasterous and scary, but I might spend the day at the mall with six of my friends. Crowds really make me anxious, and crowds at the mall are basically inevitable. Any suggestions?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    my birthday is nov 17th........but i'll be way older than 14...lol...

    i get anxious like that sometimes when i know i have something planned. i always try to have an "out" just in case i get too anxious and can't seem to shake it. i almost always drive myself so i can leave if i need to. i know that you can't drive, but maybe you can make a plan with your mom to come get you if need be. it seems as long as i have an exit strategy most times i never have to use it.......i know that sounds strange......but i guess it's a control thing ......got to be able to get out if i have to. most times i end up having such a good time that the emet doesn't have a chance to make me anxious

    i hope you have a great time.....anxiety free ........

    happy birthday
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  3. #3
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    happy birthday to you too
    yeah i'm making my mom come to the mall with me. she understands my fear and stuff so she usually doesn't complain, even though sometimes i make things difficult for her because i'm to afraid to go alone. yeah i get nervous about planning something. i feel like i always let my friends down because i'll think about it for the days leading up, and go, "you can do this!" and then when the day comes i freak out and go "you really can't do this!" and cancel.
    hopefully that will happen for me: having such a good time that i don't get anxious. i'm keeping my fingers crossed! also i think i'll ask my therapist to help me prepare for the party, since i definately can't cancel that. usually i get nervous before events i can't back out of and she gives me strategies to help me through them.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    awesome that you have both your mom and your therapist to help you through this.....

    i'm sure you will have a great time.......you CAN do this
    how i feel about emet
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  5. #5
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    It's good to have your mom and therapist help you through this. I wish I had that support at your age. But my mom was always there for me (even though I'm 23 now and she still doesn't know I have emet... but she's strongly suspicious of my phobic behavior that I won't admit). It's just "easier" for me I suppose, but I digress. When I was a teen, she would drive me and my friends to the mall, and we would walk around while she waited. It made me feel a lot better. She would find a place to get coffee and read the newspaper or she would do her own shopping while she waited for us. I know a lot of kids and teenagers find it annoying when their parents are close by, but I got a great deal of comfort knowing she was near. She would still offer that support if I ever ask her to stay close by. I guess her motives were parental concern, but mine were stemmed out of anxiety, and that I needed a "way out" like olschesky mentioned. If something went wrong, I'd assume my mom would be there to help me out of a situation. And now that I'm an adult, I'm seeking a lot of that support from my boyfriend, but not in a needy or clingy way, because I like to be there for my loved ones also. Have a great birthday coming up, and you too olschesky.
    destroy what destroys you

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Olschesky your points were exactly how I used to be, Im a recovered Emet now and just visiting this site to give hope. But yes a get out plan would always be needed and I could never go anywhere without transport to bring me back when I wanted, so a train, bus etc was out of the question.
    But with CBT I have managed (last month) to take my first flight to Gibraltar (yeah I couldnt get off of that if I needed to!)
    It went fine and I finally felt after 25 years I had put the cherry on the icing!
    Good luck to you all.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Sorry that was meant to say 35 YEARS!

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Congratulations on your recovery beccabubba!!! It's really inspirational! I don't think I would be brave enough to get on a plane now that my anxiety has gotten bad. Good for you!
    Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm hoping that, though I have a way out, I won't have to use it because I'll be having a good time! But I'm still a bit nervous and counting down the days!!! Hopefully my love of going to the mall will cancel out my nerves?
    Blushes: I've had emet my entire life, and I only told my mom this year. I think you should tell yours! I'm not saying you have to, but it makes things so much easier to know that your mother is there to help! It might be different though, since I am still a kid and you are an adult, so I still depend on my mother a lot more, but I reccommend telling her.

  9. #9
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    Smile Re: Having friends over

    At least having friends over to your house isn't as bad as going to the mall with huge crowds. I would just plan out what I would do if i did get panicky. Chose a room you can go to where you'll feel safe to calm yourself down. The thought of knowing that you will have a safe place to go to will help you calm down. Think of a couple of excuses to leave the room before hand and you'll be prepared. Hope it goes ok.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    yeah i've been brainstorming excuses xD
    i'm considering just having a house party, but i love the mall, its just my anxiety really gets the best of me sometimes.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Well i hope you have a good day, i really know how u feel, my emet is not that bad, i dont mind going out, but one of my friends has this anxiety and she can hardly leave the house, so i really undrstand how hard it must be to do something as simple as go out. hope u do get to go to the mall someday and have a good birthday. x

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    thanks lisa-ann! i hope its fun!

    the party is going to be on saturday. my mom says i should really try going to the mall, so thats what we're doing. i'm not sure if i'm nervous or excited yet...
    they're going to come over at noon and we'll all go to the mall. we'll stay for about four hours or so and get pretzels and stuff (lol they were pretty much what helped changed my mind about going to the mall! i'm a sucker for pretzels xD), then go home and have pizza and cake and open gifts and stuff.
    hopefully i'll be having such a good time i wont be scared. i think it will be a little bit better at the mall; i've been facing crowds more often and have come out ok, and its making my crowd anxiety sort of subside. today i just survived my first full day of mass without running out, so thats a positive xD

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Thats really good! U should deffo be excited, i love to shop and like u said u too. As its ur birthday its a good excuse to get ur mum to do the paying If I were u try to concentrate on your crowd of friends rather than the general crowd. Its good that u have the pretzels to look foward to. lol by the way what are they?? im from the uk and theyre not that familiar here, ive heard of them on the simpsons and that. Anyway im sure you'll be fine, once youre there, youll probably relax.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    HAHA i hope my mom pays! xD
    that's a good idea, focusing on my friends rather than people around me. i'll try that for sure!
    i've never heard of someone who didn't know what pretzels were before lol. they're dough twisted into a knot with salt and hot cheese you can dip them in, and i usually get pepperoni on mine too. ^.^

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Ooooh, they sound really nice actualy those would be enough for me to tempt me to get out of the house.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    haha
    thats weird that you've never heard of them before! lol... i can't imagine my life without my pretzelssss! lol jk

    haha i was talking to my mom going, "i never could have thought that someone wouldn't know what a pretzel was!" and she said I should send a pic. so that's a pretzel! ^.^ for some reason it's upside-down tho...

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    NOOOOO my picture didn't show up! D:
    at least on my screen it didn't...
    if it didn't show up on yours this is the image i was trying to put: http://pretzelplace.com/images/Peppe...zel%200002.gif
    lol

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Yumm! Speaking of soft pretzels, (there are also hard baked small pretzels that come in packages, but soft pretzels are the best! And they're huge!) I love Auntie Ann's! Idk if you have them where you live. But they have cinnamon sugar ones, and also just the regular salt ones. Yum!
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  19. #19
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Ha. Ive seen a pic from spilled-milk. I have heard of them i just wasnt sure what they were, ive only seen cartoon pics of them off the telly. they do look really nice. Dont know where id get them here though.

  20. #20
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    i love auntie ann's too! lol
    in the usa there are a ton of pretzel places in the malls, but if you've never heard of them they must not sell them in the malls in the uk. weird!

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    as an English pretzel-loving freak I just want to put my two cents in here.... They do sell pretzels in malls! Well in my city anyway (Norwich)...they have Auntie Annes, mmmmm they're the best!

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Haha, thats good to know! It would just be criminal to think that so many people were being deprived of pretzels! lol!

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Had bday party yesterday.... it was tough! I thought my mom was going to walk around with us the whole time but apparently she didn't want to. so i was pretty much terrified in the beginning, then had a big fat anxiety attack in the middle. i actually haven't had them in a while that bad so it was kind of a scare for me. afterwards my mom left and told me she wasn't helping me and i needed to start relying on myself sometimes. eek! so i was freaked out until we went into Hot Topic and i got so involved in shopping i was able to push my worries aside.
    then i had another attack at night after everyone was gone because i was SO sure i was sick. i still think i might be.... im really scared. :'(

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  24. #24
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Haha. When the opportunity comes for me to have a prezel I will go for it. Anyway sorry to hear it didnt go very well but from what you've said you were able to forget about your anxiety for a while and you should concentrate on that achievement. maybe you should explain to your mother that you would be better with her around more often and try days like that more often so that you are used to her coming back and forth and then she could come to see you less often until youre happier. I hope you feel better now, I find listening to music helps me calm down in a lot of situations.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    thanks lisa-ann!
    and btw, i confirmed your fb request, and don't worry, i won't go on your page and go "HEY ITS ME! YOU KNOW, FROM THE EMETOPHOBIA SITE!" or anything, because I keep my phobia kind of private as well and don't go telling anyone about it on fb, not even most of my friends.

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  26. #26
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Kate, just wanted to let you know I (Anya) requested you on fb. For some reason there was no option for me to send you a message letting you know that I am from the emet site!

    Good job getting through the party! I understand the situation with your mom, my mom is similar. I'm a few years older than you so in my case, yes I do need to learn to deal with my phobia without relying on others. But in your case, you are still pretty young so maybe you could talk to her about how it can be helpful for her to support you when things get back. But seriously, you did a really good job calming down and getting engrossed in shopping. Be proud!
    PM me for contact info such as skype, email, or facebook. Thanks!

  27. #27
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    thanks very much! i'm glad that i don't have to consider the party a complete failure! xD i've tried talking to my mom, but she just screamed at me and said that it can't be all about me, and that i have to leave her alone and deal with things on my own sometimes. then she vowed never to take me to the mall again, and as an afterthought, she said i could never have pretzels again either. :P so that didn't go so well.
    thanks for your request, i confirmed it!

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  28. #28
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Hyia. Thnx for the confirmation and appreciate it! Gutted to hear about ur mum she'll probs come around soon, they always do. lol.

  29. #29
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Omg do they actually sell them in Norwich?!?! Ive never seen them sold in the UK btw its probably weird for the people who are subscribed to this thread. People going on about Pretzels lol

  30. #30
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    Default Re: Having friends over

    Quote Originally Posted by lisa-ann View Post
    Omg do they actually sell them in Norwich?!?! Ive never seen them sold in the UK btw its probably weird for the people who are subscribed to this thread. People going on about Pretzels lol
    lol thats true!!!

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