I'm through with this shit... I can't take it.

[JeremyEllison]

I honestly don't know what to do, I hate myself for the way I am about this and there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I'm 17 and I'm a fucking slave to this disease, it runs my life and my mom worries about me and blames herself for my issues. I'm in a downward spiral and I know that if it weren't for my mom being so hurt by it I'd be fixing it with drugs. So I stay a good student and pretend like I'm motivated and love life, my friends, and God and wait until the days when my self-destruction won't make her cry at night. I'm lost and honestly very afraid of the future and who I'm going to become, but at the same time I look forward to it because honestly I just don't want to feel anymore, I'm sorry if that sounds stupid and emo but it's true. Sometimes I really, really wish all there was to my life was 4 white walls and a blue guitar.

Fuck. This. Shit.


Sorry for the emo rant.




Jeremy.

[jsb333]

Sorry I can't help you or give you any answers.... but I feel exactly the same. Except I even refused school from being 11 because of it. (I'm 18 now). Sorry I can't help.... just wanted to let you know you aren't alone! If you wanna chat to anyone I'm a keen listener.
Hope everything works out for you.

[ballykissangel]

Hi. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. Been there and done that since I was 6 years old. I am 47 now. Keep in mind...this, too, shall pass. You feel this way now. It will pass. I would strongly suggest you see a doctor who can advise you on what you can do to deal with your anxieties. It may take many trips to many doctor's before you find one who can help you. I had to. You don't have to feel this way forever. There is help out there. I have lived with Emetophobia for alot of years, and with a fairly good quality of life for the most part. Things will get better!

[ren2005]

I feel for you...Im 39 and have had emet since forever!! Right now it is at an all time high...I just wanna live my own space again..ALONE like I used to a few years ago.. but I cant. Im now married with a baby and terrified!!s I wish I only had me to worry about.. I love my baby boy sooo much..but he wasnt planned..he was a surprise... Im scared for the future when he gets sick. Im gonna want to run away..and I wont be able to. Im so scared.
This emet SUCKS sooo freakin bad.
Anyway hang in there. We are here for ya.

[spilled_milk]

I feel for you too, over the summer I honestly just didn't want to exist anymore my fear was so bad. But it WILL pass. However, nobody can pull you out of this but yourself, maybe with the help of a medical professional, but you have to WANT to fight. It doesn't just magically get better. I don't tell you this to be harsh, but because I was there. I'm 21 and when I was your age I turned to drugs to "fix" myself. Many, many horrible drugs that could have killed me and did kill a few of my former friends and have permanently screwed up some of their lives. They are not the answer. It might make you feel better while you're on them, but ultimately you'll feel so much worse about yourself and your life. There never will be a time when self destruction won't hurt you or others around you, even more than emet is hurting you. I'm now in college with an amazing gpa, great friends, and a future that will hopefully be amazing. Yes, emet is still present, but there is a light.

So fight, even if you don't see the light! Because if you keep fighting, and don't try and take the self destructive drug route, there WILL eventually be a light. And you will overcome it. I completely believe that you can, because if you had completely given up on yourself you wouldn't be here talking to us.

[rrosedawsonn]

Reading that and everyones stories is making me tear up. But your post, I saw myself. Thats exactly what I would say. In fact, there are a lot of depressing things I wish I were able to post on here, and I've written them out and deleted them many times because I wanted someone to try and understand how I felt and give me some sort of guidance through it, but I know no one has the answers I'm looking for.
But don't give up or you'll end up like me, and where I am is not where you want to be. The control over you only gets stronger, so you have to reach out to somebody. Tell them exactly how you feel even if you feel silly for doing it, accept their advice. Accept the medications that your doctor will give you when you tell him, if you haven't already done all of that. I should really take my own advice haha.
Theres always hope. And it looks like you've still got some fight left in you.

[katherines6]

Yeah... it really does seem hopeless at times! There have been times when I've felt so hopeless, so misunderstood, and so terrified about the future with this phobia that I have just wanted to die. I have had suicidal thoughts a lot, actually, but I could never have gone through with them. What I'm saying is: I feel your pain!
This phobia sucks, and even when things seem awful, they'll get better!!! Everyone has off-days... even off-weeks, and you just have to find a way to get yourself out! I know it seems terrible, but it isn't the end!!! I've felt so hopeless I've just collapsed on my bed and stayed there for days, not wanting to go on, because what was the point? When you feel like that, you are oblivious to all of the positives around you. But once you start getting help, everything good starts opening up to you.
Your mother can't blame herself, and you can't blame yourself for the phobia either. Even if it may seem like a lost cause, or even if you might be really embarrassed, ask her if you can go to therapy! Things will start to get better, and if you want, your mom can sit in on the therapy sessions too, so she can stop feeling guilty and start understanding what she can do to help.
Good luck! My thoughts are with you. It isn't the end!!!

[cuhley70]

I agree with ballykissangel. I'm 41 and have been an meet since I was 3. I've seen many doctors before finding one I could trust. Plus it took me a long time to tell the truth to the Dr that I'm emetophobic. I have 2 kids now. Yes, I'm on edge more often this time of year but I need to live my life. You need to seek help with the anxieties. It doesn't matter if you go on meds or use some form of therapy. It will help.

[DeadxxInside92]

No need to apologize for ranting. The purpose of this forum is to rant away about all your feelings. It is never healthy to have everything bottled up inside waiting for the pot to boil over, so it is great to have an outlet. Feeling hopeless is truly one of the worst--if not the worst--feelings in the world. This phobia is known to siphon every ounce of energy from you. However, I can tell you one thing; it's not all hopeless. I know you do not see that light at the end of the tunnel now, but I can promise you it's there. You just have to keep trucking through this. Never give up on yourself. You have what it takes to overcome this if you keep telling yourself that and if you believe you possess the ability. We are so much stronger than we sometimes give ourselves credit for. Humans are capable of overcoming so much adversity, it's incredible. I too have been in your shoes before. I wanted to give up on life and throw everything away. I felt like it was no use and I was a failure to myself and to everyone around me. That was just not the case. I was hospitalized my senior year of high school and it helped me out on the path of recovery tremendously. I do not regret it at all looking back on it, even though at the time I was infuriated. I take medication to manage my anxiety and depression now. It helps. Perhaps you could give it a shot. Just keep trying. I promise things will look up. Do not lose sight of who you want to become. You can do this. We all can do this. We just have to want to do it. Good luck! If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me!

[Tay20]

Hi I am 17 also. This is the first time I thought to talk to others who might have the same problem. I have had this for three years. I too am sick of it. My mom is my only life line and I am sick of ruining her life to help mine. I just sated seeing a psychologist. I am on medications. And it seems like it helps but not completely. It makes me feel good that I am not alone and by reading everyone else's comments I will overcome this and you will too.

[BeckyH]

I am new to this website, but not this disease... i wanted to say to ren2005- im in your shoes (almost)... i am happily married and im sure my husband is tired of hearing about this "vomaphobia" as i call it.. i want to have a baby soooo bad but the only thing holding me back is the thought that they barf- unexpectedly and uncontrollably... and they are contagious!!! i dont have any advice, but i think it helps to know that theres someone on the same page... any advice for me??

I feel for you...Im 39 and have had emet since forever!! Right now it is at an all time high...I just wanna live my own space again..ALONE like I used to a few years ago.. but I cant. Im now married with a baby and terrified!!s I wish I only had me to worry about.. I love my baby boy sooo much..but he wasnt planned..he was a surprise... Im scared for the future when he gets sick. Im gonna want to run away..and I wont be able to. Im so scared.
This emet SUCKS sooo freakin bad.
Anyway hang in there. We are here for ya.