Had another panic attack. At my family dinner :'( FML

[1scareddj]

I haven't been feeling the best for the last couple days. I went to the urgent care on Friday night for another UTI. They gave me antibiotcs....which I only took one because I am SO AFRAID to take them. I felt rather blah today and I had my family Thanksgiving today. I basically sat on the recliner the whole time drinking water and watching football.

It was time to eat and I stood up to go to the table and I got really shaky....I ate my turkey and a biscuit but then I got REALLY HOT and started to shake even more. I got up from the table and went into my parents' room and shut the door. I took a Zofran because the panic was making me n*. My mom came in and sat with me and hugged me and she started crying, too because she hates seeing me like this and she wishes that there was something she could do to help me. :'(

I decided I just needed to go home (I start my 12 hour work days tomorrow...blah) and I made Chris drive. I took a Xanax while he was driving and after a while I started to calm down. We got to his house and he asked if I was ok to drive and I said yeah so proceeded home.

I'm home now, and I feel a little better. I don't feel n* or shaky, but I feel so stupid. My siblings and dad were all like..."What's going on?" and I was just sobbing when I left. I'm sure my mom told them what happened.

I feel so ashamed. I was doing so well, and this kinda came out of no where. I had been pretty anxious about the meds...which I know I should take but I just can't bring myself to take them!!!!! What the hell is wrong with me? I hate this.

I felt like I was going to have a heart attack...literally. But I kept telling myself it's anxiety. I'm 28. Who has a heart attack at 28?! NO ONE!

I'm so afraid of something being wrong with my kidneys because that could make you v*. I don't know. I'm such a crazy person. I'm on medication, I'm in counseling, so WHY does this keep happening to me?!?!?!!?

I don't want to live like this. I can't be doing this. I have a job to do and I don't want to be like this when I'm at work. I hate my life.

I'm pretty much a hypochondriac so I've had like every test known to man done...which have all been normal.

(*@&$*@&@(*#&)!@*(^@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm SO upset right now :'(

[DeadxxInside92]

You are not crazy! Anxiety can creep up on us at the most impromptu times making it all the more frustrating. Everyone breaks down and everyone has setbacks. This is a minor setback! You are doing well by taking your medication. I understand you only took one, but it's a great start nonetheless. You have to give yourself credit!! I know it can be embarrassing and awkward when you are in the midst of a panic attack in front of people. It is uncomfortable and you are not always sure what to do. I have been there before and I know it is not pleasant, but your family just wants you to be alright. It is frustrating on parents when they do not know how to help their children (no matter the age). My dad explained to me that he gets upset because he sometimes feels at a loss and he wishes that there was something, anything he could do to make things alright for me. Unfortunately, not all problems can be solved by our family. It's good to vent and get things out. We are all here for you and it sounds like you have a pretty good support system at home. I know things seem rocky right now, but they will improve. Perhaps if you feel this therapist is not beneficial to you, you could search for another; same deal with the medication. Most importantly, you have to keep telling yourself you WILL overcome this. You must tell yourself that every single day until you actually believe it. Try and keep taking the antibiotics as well! I know it is scary, but they really will help clear up the infection! For every negative, there is a positive. Every time something bad happens, I want you to think of something good that has come out of it. You can do this!! Do not lose faith in yourself.

[Rachell]

I agree. Youre not crazy at all. This fear is so real and so huge that it consumes all of us at times. It's good that your mom is understanding at least, my whole family (with the exception of my fiance) thinks I'm just being dramatic. As for the antibiotics... is there a reason that you are afraid to take them? And what did they give you? I know that most of the labels say "may cause stomach upset" but as long as you take them with food, even a tiny bit of food, you should be ok. I was in nursing school until the emet got too bad and the UTI's can spread so quickly to the kidneys. That's not good for the emet and especially for your body. But I completely understand you not taking them to avoid v*. I hope you feel better soon!