im new to this whole website ive been reading it for a few weeks now and finally decided to start posting cause my emet is terrible lately. im so unbelievably sick of this taking over my life the way it does. ive always been afraid of v*..i use to only panic if somebody i knew or someone around me had a stomach virus. i would panic for a few days until my "incubation period" was over, and then i would go on with life and stop obsessing.. but it recently got so much worse. in september one night i was here with my boyfriend watching a movie and all of a sudden i felt SO sick, and i was positive i was gonna v*. i havent since i was 9 so it set off such a bad panic attack. i stayed up until 5 am that night just waiting for it, but it never came, and i passed out. from that night on, every single day i felt nauseous and so sick i couldnt even eat. this went on for about a month and a half, i lost 12 pounds and went through such horrible anxiety and depression that i still deal with now. i finally went to the stomach doctor and they did a colonoscopy/endoscopy and a week later i was diagnosed with IBS, esophagitis, colitis, and gastritis. this put my anxiety at ease a little bit barely. that was in october, and still every single day i fear v*. i feel like im gonna get the stomach virus, even if my body has fought it off for 11 years. i definitely have gotten viruses since then, but they didnt include v*...so i dont know why i waste so much time fearing this. its literally ruining my life.. i dont sleep because my biggest fear is waking up with no control over it and just getting sick (the 2 times i v* when i was little that was how it happened) i barely go out because i almost always make myself nauseous and dont want to get sick if im not in my house.. i was never this bad with my emet and now i feel like a freak who cant do anything without this stupid fear taking over. i just need to know there are people who feel like i do, and reading these posts has definitely showed me that, but i guess writing my own helped a little too bc i could vent. i just hate this so much:/ i wanna be better already..