Sick of this

[livelaughlove]

im new to this whole website ive been reading it for a few weeks now and finally decided to start posting cause my emet is terrible lately. im so unbelievably sick of this taking over my life the way it does. ive always been afraid of v*..i use to only panic if somebody i knew or someone around me had a stomach virus. i would panic for a few days until my "incubation period" was over, and then i would go on with life and stop obsessing.. but it recently got so much worse. in september one night i was here with my boyfriend watching a movie and all of a sudden i felt SO sick, and i was positive i was gonna v*. i havent since i was 9 so it set off such a bad panic attack. i stayed up until 5 am that night just waiting for it, but it never came, and i passed out. from that night on, every single day i felt nauseous and so sick i couldnt even eat. this went on for about a month and a half, i lost 12 pounds and went through such horrible anxiety and depression that i still deal with now. i finally went to the stomach doctor and they did a colonoscopy/endoscopy and a week later i was diagnosed with IBS, esophagitis, colitis, and gastritis. this put my anxiety at ease a little bit barely. that was in october, and still every single day i fear v*. i feel like im gonna get the stomach virus, even if my body has fought it off for 11 years. i definitely have gotten viruses since then, but they didnt include v*...so i dont know why i waste so much time fearing this. its literally ruining my life.. i dont sleep because my biggest fear is waking up with no control over it and just getting sick (the 2 times i v* when i was little that was how it happened) i barely go out because i almost always make myself nauseous and dont want to get sick if im not in my house.. i was never this bad with my emet and now i feel like a freak who cant do anything without this stupid fear taking over. i just need to know there are people who feel like i do, and reading these posts has definitely showed me that, but i guess writing my own helped a little too bc i could vent. i just hate this so much:/ i wanna be better already..

[sage]

Welcome to the site! I hope you find a lot of help and support and some good discussion here!

[kalyco]

I know exactly how you feel. My emet used to only cause a problem if I was around someone when they were sick. Now it's an all day/every day debilitating fear. I wish I knew what to tell you to make it better. All I can say is I'm right there with ya! This is the worst I've ever been and have no idea how I'm going to get through. But, pretty much everyone here is the same, so you'll find lots of understanding!

[JRC]

I completely relate to what you are saying. I feel like it's taken over my life too - every single day it's on my mind. I go through periods of good when, although I do think about it, I am able to control (to an extent) my thoughts. However, I do get periods where I get really down because I constantly feel n* & I'm just starting one of these now. I ate some chicken earlier & convinced myself that it was undercooked & it'll make me v*. It didn't help that my sister also commented on it not tasting right. I cooked it for longer than it said but I'm still convinced & now I'm feeling n* & my stomach's playing up.. I can't sleep & have to be up early for work too - one of my main problems too is that o panic that I will not sleep & be ill & tired in the morning. I have periods when I'm positive about this phobia, believeing that I can beat it. But then I go through depessive stages where I feel lost with no hope & just cry. I'm finishing a course of CBT currently & although there has been some benefit, it's not helped in the way I'd hoped. I'm going to ask for counselling next I think. I'd definitely recommend seeking help via CBT if you haven't already - it has a high success rate & just because it didn't hVe the desired effect on me, doesn't mean it can't help. It has given me some tools/techniques to help redirect the negative thoughts & like I said, sometimes they work. So if you haven't already, seek some treatment - it is a big step but trust me, you'll feel so much better if you do! Good luck!!