it happened to me :-)

[crystalizationn]

It happened to me finally. I have emetophobia reallly bad and anxiety. I have gerd as well. So I burp constantly and it scares me. So my fear is like being afraid of heights and working on a skyscraper. My burps happen constantly throughout the day. But back to my story. A few weeks ago I felt like throwing up all day, which is normal for me since I always feel sick. Every day I have a stomach ache. I hadn't thrown up in ten years bt everyday I feel like it could be the day. So this day was no different. I felt bad all day. ALSO, THIS IS GOING TO BE GRAPHIC, SO DON'T READ THIS IF YOU ARE VERY SENSITIVE. I went home and worried. Drank pepto bismol. I tried to fall asleep. I slept for about an hour. Then I woke up, and knew something was different so I went to the bathroom and tried to pee or just sit there or something. Then I randomly gagged. And I freaked out and cried and held onto the door. I paced in circles and gagged again. Something told me, just put your face to the toilet. I had never done it before, but I tried. I was shaking, crying and I had the chills. I gagged again and I felt it come up. I thought, well this is it. But my fear is so strong, I kept swallowing involuntarily. After about thirty minutes of this nasty feeling. I got up the courage to try to stick my finger down my throat. Because this feeling was so bad, at this point I would do anything to make it go away. Believe me, I had never gained the courage to try. My fear is so bad I think about it everyday but I thought "if I don't try this, and I go to bed without throwing up, my fear will go through the roof." So I stuck my finger dow my throat and threw up. For about five seconds I threw up. And let me tell you thid, as a major emetophobic, and I even had anorexia due to this fear (not eating because I thought id throw up). IT WAS NOT THAT BAD. It is the fear and extreme nausea that scares us. Throwing up was not that bad, and I had a smile on my face afterwards. I told everyone that would listen that I had finally done it, and I felt way better. My fear is still present, although it has changed. Now my fear is that I will throw up whenever I'm around people. I'm not scared to do it, but I am scared to do it in front of people. I'm not sure if I will have time to get away and do it, or if I will be aware of my feeling. It isn't bad and I hope people read this. I am still in recovery and therapy. :-) good luck everyone.

[fridderz]

I know exactually how that anxiety feels, it is absolutly nasty, i remember when i just wanted to v* and i was pacing in circles with hot flushs, i didnt in the end but its so nasty. I wish i had the courage like you to try and overcome this horrible fear. well done!

[vgirl]

I have done it (gagged on a finger) because my gag reflex is so strong and once I was just SO sick. Scary leading up to it and I dunno, I king of kept on v*ing after, out of control, and that scared me bc I didn't know if I'd keep on gagging. Glad yours stopped promptly, that's for sure. :-)

[afraid213]

I think about doing this everyday...but I have no support from friends or family. they just don't get it.

[Cupcake x]

I'm glad you were able to get through it and come to the realization that the act of vomiting itself is not as terrible as we perceive it to be. I've thought about making myself gag when I've felt really really sick but I just get so scared. I'd need someone to be in the bathroom with me to say that it's all okay. I couldn't do it alone. but I'm glad it all worked out for you!

[Liv]

i admire your courage so much i could never do that. but i hope when i finally have to vomit (which will obviously happen one day i know, i'm not naive) that i too can feel that it isn't that bad and that my fear was much worse than actually doing it.

[Senny]

This gives me hope

[EMF1300]

This gives me hope too. I do the exact same thing... I involuntarily swallow and pace and get hot and cold flashes. Next time I feel like v*ing I'm going to not suspend it for so long and just get it over with. Thanks! Really inspiring!

[gumdropper1]

Crystal,

Sorry you had to go through all that. You probably didn't need to use your finger. You probably could have made yourself vomit just by taking a few quick, sharp, deep breaths when you were feeling severely nauseated. In my FAQ, I tell people who want to vomit to take two deep breaths within three seconds. Then do it again. If you were truly that nauseated, it would have started you retching.

Doug

[hairyfairy]

Liv, you might never v again in your life, it`s not inevitable!

[kateseeks]

This made me feel a lot better! (A little nervous about the before hand) but thank you for reinforcing what everyone has been telling me -- that it's not that bad!

[aurora0917]

Wow, that is wonderful that you had the courage to expose yourself to throwing up and overcome the experience. I think to some extent, some of us (at least me) realize that, objectively, it's not the act of vomiting that's so terrifying. But rather, it's the intense fear we hold in anticipation of it happening. Living every day feeling sick with terror is no way for us to live our lives! Congrats for the courage to overcome what many of us feel incapable of doing. It's encouraging and good to hear from a recovering emetophobic that it's not all that bad. Good luck and keep up the progress. You are an inspiration to me.

[kbscared]

You are so brave and should be insanely proud of yourself! Wow, you literally did what we all wish we could. You inspire me so much!!! Just do it, right? No regrets?

[PhoenyxAngel]

I'm glad that it worked for you. I have v* before in the past, and even though I know the act isn't so bad: I still fear it. So it seems that v*ing won't really help me overcome my fear. But I am glad that it helped you with yours

[MinimalistMommi]

I can SO relate to the last part! I'm just getting over a horrible stomach bug (diarrhea & v*). I REALLY didn't want to V*, but when you feel that horrible, I needed to do anything to speed up the healing process. It wasn't that horrible or scary, and I luckily had my hubby home to care for the kiddos, so I could rest all day. However, I still have that fear of how to prepare in case I'm with people. I'm not sure why that's such a big deal for me either! Glad to hear I'm not alone!