Ive just woken up, with heart burn or acid or whatever and instantly, yet again i feel sick, either because im going to be or its just me being paranoid. I did eat before i went to sleep and in the daytime i put my fingers on my mouth then after i thought oh god ive caught a bug.
Im not very well, i havent been the last few days but its only been a cold/cough
im having big coughs at the moment, coughing alot of really nasty mucus.
Im on meds for my anxiety (sertraline) and meds for not sleeping because of my anxiety (melatonin)
all i want to do is go to sleep but im just scared.
I was sick alot as a child (im nearlly an adult now) and that last time i was sick was 3 years ago. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and i sat up in my bed like i am now and i felt weird, i didnt know what it was and i just v* and i remember thinking "oh, what the hell, i v*" so right now im thinking it wasent that bad if i thought that then but then i remember doing it alot after and i was so scared because i didnt know what to do, i didnt wake my old foster family up, i was just up all night with it happening. i was so scared, and in the morning i get told off because i made a mess and we had to throw my duvet away ect. then not long after that i did again (a few hours after) and i remember my sister standing outside the bathroom going "its ok abby, get it all up, youll be ok" and i was just so upset and scared i was crying but my foster mum came in and gave me a hug. after that, everything was ok, i was alright after some rest and that
but its strongly affects me now, i hate eating and ive lost loads of weight becaues i think its going to happen again, i get nightmares of it happening, i hate going out in public.
I just get really scared when i feel a bit funny, so I just thought sharing this for others to understand would help me out a bit. No one likes v*, but then theres the irrational fear which takes over your life and its on your mind 24/7 part which we have to combat. I know its possible but i just dont know how to fight it. I think about making it happen purposly, but im just too chicken, so what other distraction tools could i use?