Visiting hospitals - no way!

[jaigopal]

Yesterday, I had a furious row with a relative, who told me off for not visiting my grand-mother in hospital. For the past two months, she's been in and out of hospital and I've saved her life twice: from hypothermia and pneumonia. As the only relative in the UK, I've been responsible for co-ordinating social services and healthcare.


But my emitophobia prevents me from going into the hospital to see her. I always try to avoid hospitals for fear of catching something - although last year I did visitmy wifein hospital in India when she had a gall bladder operation, spending two days sitting around in visiting rooms. I got over the phobia by thinking hat people with gall bladder operations are not likely to have stomach bugs and anyway, the hospital was a lot cleaner than Britain's filfthyhospitals.


My grand-mother's ward had an outbreak of Nowalk virus, which is highly contagious and causes projectile gastric outbursts! She got the virus within a day of being admitted. No way am I going to see her in that ward! So, now I am the pariah because I avoid hospitals and no-one understands my own problem.


Consequently, my motives are under question. As I am the one dealing with social services, there are accusations that my refusal to go to the hospital indicates that I don't really care about my grand-mother and that I am trying to push her into a care home in order to sell her house.


Frankly, I'd rather break family relationships than visit a ward with a vomiting bug. But it shows how a phobia can ruin your relationships and your life.

[madisonsmom]

This is so typical with families and the elderly. I am a RN and work very closely with the elderly and their families. Please dont worry about them. You know how you feel about your grandmother. If they feel they can do a better job why dont they help?


Personally I would not go there either. All that does it continue the spread of the virus. UGH! Let them go!


I hope you feel better about this. You sound like you are doing a GREAT job. It is a lot of work to care for the elderly!![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[tink]

Oh man, does this sound familliar. My Grandmother has been in and out for the last 3 months as well. I was went in to visit her one time during this. But I only went after talking to staff and making sure there were no outbreaks there. I didnt touch anything (carried a tissue for doors and wheelchair handle) and washed my hands 5 times in the hour I was there. It was horrible. My aunt calls me weekly and tells me what a rotten grandaughter I am. But like you, I cant do it. I would never have gone if there were any kind of virus going around, but especially THAT one! So dont feel bad, I totally understand why you cant go.. I just wish that people without this affliction could understand how i can affect every aspect of your life. Hang in there, you are doing the best you can!!

--Kim

[realtaken]

I am the same way, so don't feel bad. My mom said that I am just like Howard Hughes yesterday because of how freaked out I am of stomach virus germs. When I am in a hospital, I can almost feel them crawling on me when I am in them. When I was in the hospital after giving birth to my daughter (I had to be there 3 days because I had a c-section) I could hear the nurses out front talking and one of them said she had been taking care of her husband who had the stomach flu and she didn't feel good either so she went home. I freaked because she had been caring for me too! I had enough to worry about with being cut open,and I could not wait to go home. Needless to say I never caught anything, but it sure made me feel icky. Don't fret. People need to understand where you are coming from, especially considering you are doing all you can for her in every other area.


Stephanie

[divaofdarkness]

jaigopal. You are acting exactly how I would act. I would NEVER NEVER NEVER set foot in a UK hospital. All I ever hear is Nowalk this and Nowalk that. I would never visit anyone, no matter how close they are to me. This in no way means you dont care about your grandmother, so dont let anyone tell you different.


I thought is was just us women who had this phobia. I have it bad, and avoid every place I can. Havent been sick for a very long time due to being careful...........LIKE NOT SEEING PEOPLE IN HOSPITALS!!! goodluck!

[divaofdarkness]

Drops of tea tree oil in a tissue held to your nose is very helpful. its anti bacterial qualities can really help prevent catching stuff. Go get some, I carry it everywhere incase there is a panic situation unexpected!!

[tayda]

I'm sorry, that really sucks! What's worse is that your familiy doesn't seem to have a clue how much this is stressing you! But as you've said, you have been there previously for you grandmother. When your grandmother leaves the hospital again, go visit her (once you're sure she's ove the virus, it's a nasty one, I know), and tell her how you're feeling. I can only imagine what it's like to be ostrasized from your family in a time like this.


Keep your chin up

[liriodendron]

Wow I had no idea UK hospitals were that dirty.



And yes, there's more than one "dude" with this phobia... Me me me.



Have you thought about moving her to another hospital?



I for one won't be going on any cruise ships either!!



I remember a time when I was in college and had to take my best friend
to the hospital (ER) for some kind of excessive bleeding. All of her
friends drove down from other cities to visit her in the hospital and
they were all very upset with me for not going to visit her in the
hospital too. I pretty much dropped her off at the entrance with her
other friends and let them take it from there. She got out the same day
but I never heard the end of that.


Edited by: liriodendron

[nicki]

A lot of Uk hospitals are awful. I actually have private healthcare in case the need should arise. There have been loads of documentaries of our hospitals and the hygiene is appalling, cups of water are refilled and given to people without even rinsing them (not always back to the original owner), nurses dont wash their hands between patients, there has been blood left on the floor for days.


I did work experience in a hospital once - there was D* all over the floor, it was ages before it was cleared up.


Obviously not all uk hospitals are like this but it is a national problem

[shiningstar]

I can so relate to this, I wouldn’t visit my grandmother when she was in hospital either. At that time in my life I felt like a complete failure becuase of it.

Have you been able to come right out and say why you wouldn’t be able to visit? i.e that you have a very real phobia – like any other medical condition - which prevents you from doing this? I know its easy for me to say, but if they don’t understand then that really is their problem. Tho again I knowthatseasy for me to say!

In defence of NHS hospitals… I once had to go in for an op and basically I told them before at the clinic about the phobia and said I really wasn’t sure I could go through with it if I didn’t at least have a single room. Cos I was SO scared of other people being s* in a ward. They said they would do their best ..and sure enough I got a single room. They didn’t laugh or even mention it again once I was admitted. I’m still terrified of hospital wards but ‘being up front’ certainly helped me out on that occasion.

[tayda]

A lot of Uk hospitals are awful. I actually have private healthcare in case the need should arise. There have been loads of documentaries of our hospitals and the hygiene is appalling, cups of water are refilled and given to people without even rinsing them (not always back to the original owner), nurses dont wash their hands between patients, there has been blood left on the floor for days.


I did work experience in a hospital once - there was D* all over the floor, it was ages before it was cleared up.


Obviously not all uk hospitals are like this but it is a national problem

OMG!!! EEWWW!!! I had NO IDEA!! I don't want to get this board political, but you'd figure we're "such good friend's w/ the UK" that the US would stick it's nose in. (We do everywhere else). That could really be a health jeopardizing situation!

[e-lizabeth]

Timely topic - my mother is in the hospital - in Canada, and is quite ill....when we took her to the ER, I was panicked and I'm still quite meticulous about hand sanitizing and stuff, but I have no choice emotionally but to visit her. I hate it but I go every day, at least twice a day. But I think it's different when it's a parent as opposed to a grandparent. And quite frankly, if there was an outbreak of Norwalk, I'm not sure I'd go either.

[liriodendron]

A lot of Uk hospitals are awful. I actually have private
healthcare in case the need should arise. There have been loads
of documentaries of our hospitals and the hygiene is appalling, cups of
water are refilled and given to people without even rinsing them (not
always back to the original owner), nurses dont wash their hands
between patients, there has been blood left on the floor for days.


I did work experience in a hospital once - there was D* all over the floor, it was ages before it was cleared up.


Obviously not all uk hospitals are like this but it is a national problem

OMG!!! EEWWW!!! I had NO IDEA!! I don't want to get this board
political, but you'd figure we're "such good friend's w/ the UK" that
the US would stick it's nose in. (We do everywhere else).
That could really be a health jeopardizing situation!

The US stick it's nose in? We don't even have a health care system of
our own. I don't know what I'd rather have in a life or death
situation, a pile of d* on the floor that has been sitting there for
weeks, or die before I even get to the hospital because I don't have
health insurance and we have no affordable health care. Interesting
dilemma. Let Canada stick it's nose in.[img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]

[stella9]

Hospitals are notorious for harboring germs. Not only that, but they are hotbeds of infection. Not only do hospitals have outbreaks of Norwalk, but also staph infections. I cannot believe some of the things I have witnessed in hospitals beginning with watching nurses eat cheese crackers at the nurses' station.


I think many of the larger teaching hospitals that use nurse agencies have contributed to the mass spread of infection. The nurses are not employed by the hospital and are here today gone tomorrow.


If you don't want to go - don't. You do not have to explain yourself.


Stella

[jaigopal]

The US stick it's nose in? We don't even have a health care system of our own. I don't know what I'd rather have in a life or death situation, a pile of d* on the floor that has been sitting there for weeks, or die before I even get to the hospital because I don't have health insurance and we have no affordable health care. Interesting dilemma. Let Canada stick it's nose in.[img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]

I found the public hospitals in Cuba and the private hospitals in India cleaner than the British hospitals.


I don't mind going to hospital if I know that there are no vomit diseases in the ward. So, I don't mind visiting someone in a ward without infectious diseases: broken bones, psychiatric disorders,etc. But geriatric wards are notorious for the amount of infections and the poor hygiene standards of the medical and auxillary staff. For me, going into a ward that is likely to have a vomit bug spread around is absolutely out-of-bounds for me.


I'm still being ostracised by my uncle and aunt for not visiting my grandmother; the aunt told me that I was a disgrace for not seeing her, although I was the one who brought out the ambulance to take her to hospital and previously saved her life from hypothermia. I feel that my phobia has been used in family politics for I don't feel the need to justify myself on any grounds.

[liriodendron]

In conclusion, don't beat yourself up over it. Tell them you just can't
afford to go right now, have to work. Maybe that's something they can
better identify with than the phobia.

[tayda]

[/QUOTE]

The US stick it's nose in? We don't even have a health care system of our own. I don't know what I'd rather have in a life or death situation, a pile of d* on the floor that has been sitting there for weeks, or die before I even get to the hospital because I don't have health insurance and we have no affordable health care. Interesting dilemma. Let Canada stick it's nose in.[img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]
[/QUOTE]


I agree, but it varies depending on where you go here. We have MassHealth here, and different companies that people who don't have a lot of money have to help them out. It's not great... hopefully someone will think of something.

[mjewell]

I had a hospital emet epsiode when I was little. My grandpa was in the hospital for surgery on his arm, so my mom and I go visit him. While I was there he got sick from the meds and v*d in one of those little bedpan things. my mom just sat there and calmly held it for him but I bolted from the room crying and shaking. I didn't go back in until my mom came out to get me to leave. It was an awful experience for me, but my family just thought it was funny. To this day they stil laugh about it. I guess that's better than being mean to me, but just goes to show they do not understand.


I am SO worried for the day my husband or parents or kids (when i have them) have to stay in a hospital for something. I don't know what I will do!! Probably be heavily sedated


Can you call your grandmother on the phone? That's what I usually do wtih relatives in the hostpital. i call them every day to see how they are doing rather than visting.

[crystalmom]

Canada stick it's nose in??? Everybody knows that Canada rarely sticks their noses in, and besides, Pres. Bush made it quite clear on 9/11 that the UK were their "closest" ally!


sorry, I'm not very political, and Canada does have a MUCH better health care system than the US, however, it is far from perfect. My grandfather is in a nursing home, and they can only afford like 5 nurses (not all are LPN's or RN's) to 25 patients. NOT a good ratio.


I think everyone (the US, the UK, and Canada) need to focus on health care. Plus, if Bush wasn't spending all that money on a war that should never have been started, think of all the money that there would be!


Just my opinion.


Crystal

[samara's on tv]

I remember the last time I visited someone in the hospital was on 9/11 2001. I visited my mom right after she had gotten some surgery. It was hard being in the city that day since everyone had been evacuated anyway. I was SO SCARED of catching something but I knew my mom would be happy to see me.


If it's really that bad then I can understand you not wanting to go. The norwalk virus is horrible! Back then when I went to see my mom I wasn't as afraid of myself getting sick as I was of others. But you aren't a bad person for not wanting to visit your grand-mother if the conditions are that bad! Hang in there and ignore what everyone has to say...they have NO idea how bad this phobia can be.


~Monica

[kate1966]

Well....I had an experience today that was rather interesting....my dad had to go in the hospital this am for a lung biopsy.....so i met my parents there at 8 am.......as we were going back to the room he would be in ....out comes an orderly wheeling out a patient...i assume maybe they had had some kind of surgery or something...i don't really know for sure.....but needless to say i was watching her and the next thing i knew she was leaning on her side and the orderly was handing her the dreaded yellow bedpan[img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img], so i was cool.....i thought i would have freaked out....but i did catch myself sticking my finger in my right ear since they were on my right side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I thought to myself...what a dork...but i couldn't help it....hope noone noticed me doing that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was fine after that though...it did not freak me out for the rest of the day or anything........i even ate lunch in the cafeteria with my mom......all in all it was a good experience for me i think....i did wonder about the germs that may be floating around though...but i had to concentrate on my dad and being there for him..................So hopefully i did not pick up anything while i was there....just thought i would share my story!!!

[jesskali]

Kate--sounds like you handled that well--you should be proud of yourself!

Jess

[ChippedAway]

Good job, Kate!Edited by: ChippedAway

[tayda]

WAy to go Kate, I hope your dad is alright! You handled that pretty well. It's usually different if someone you love is in the hospital... or really close. Sometimes we can do it, and osmetimes we can't.

[jaigopal]

Chipped Away: I am not averse to going to hospital per se, just if there is an outbreak of some vomiting virus on the ward. My wife had a gall bladderoperation in India last year and I went to see her twice a day and saw her vomiting. But I knew that the vomiting was not due to a virus but her pain, so I had to put up with it. The limit is if I catch something and that is not something I would want to be confronted with - and I would not expect anybody to visit me if there is a vomitingoutbreak on a ward that I am staying on. As it happened, my grandmother did not have a problem with me not visiting- she knew I had put in a lot of work speaking to nurses, doctors and social services on the phone. The problem came with guilt imposed by the family, a couple of people (who opposed any social service care) still have not forgiven me claiming that I had no right to "interfere" with her care if I "could not be bothered" to visit her in a ward infested with the Norwalk Virus. As such, I have broken contact with them. It's that bad. So who is being selfish?

[liriodendron]

I had a hospital emet epsiode when I was little. My
grandpa was in the hospital for surgery on his arm, so my mom and I go
visit him. While I was there he got sick from the meds and v*d in one
of those little bedpan things.

Holy cow. The same thing with me. My grandpa was in the hospital and V*
while I was there. I wasn't that creeped out about it but I was young
and I was more concerned with being in a yucky hospital.

Plus, if Bush wasn't spending all that money on a war
that should never have been started, think of all the money that there
would be!



Just my opinion.



Crystal

49% of people in this country share the same opinion as you. I am one of them.