Is this just me?

[Croset]

Well my phobia has been with me for a few years now, but it didnt affect me like it does now, it started a few weeks ago when I started panicking about being away from home.
Anyway, now every day I feel n*, and I've really sat and talked to myself, thought back to where my phobia came from, and what I'm truly afraid of. The last time I was sick was coming up two years ago, and it was due to food poisoning. Basically I hate throwing up, but I remember it well, and it really wasn't as bad as I was fearing.

The worst part of the whole thing was the feeling leading up to it, and afterwards. More than anything I HATE HATE HATE nausea. I am afraid of feeling nauseous in certain situations. Im getting a job soon, and I'm afraid that I will feel bad because I cant get away. On the other hand I'm hoping it might help keep me distracted. I am afraid of throwing up in public (like most of you guys). I hate nausea because I dont know what to do with myself when I have it.

So for the past few weeks I have been feeling nauseous every single day, not constant, but most of the time it happens and stays. Emetrol helps make it go away, and also when I am 100% distracted it disappears. I havent been to the doctors about my fears, when I feel n* every day I just keep myself calm and push it to the back of my mind so I don't panic (unless it gets bad).

So basically I just want to know does anybody else hate the thought of feeling rotten and n*, and feel n* every day because of it? I know a lot of people feel n* from worry of v*, I just want to know I'm not alone and know I can get through my fear.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not over the fear of v* I still panic if I hear someone is unwell, or if someone I know is unwell, but it is mainly because of the thought of being unwell and feeling n*. I think I'm just in a cycle of expecting to feel n* every day now. So it comes back from the anxiety of it. I am also 95% sure I have digestive problems, so I am going to the doctors to talk with him about it. For a couple of days I actually got over, and didnt really feel n* at all, but a couple days later I had really bad n* (I believe from my period because it was consistent throughout the day, but went away with emetrol. Not really sure why, I think I only had a bit of nausea from it once before).

I just hate the thought of having to live like this. I know most of you do too. I was homeschooled, so I never went to out school so I have never been out in public much at all. Getting this part time job will be my first real experience of being out in public. I'm not going to let this fear stop me from doing it, I will NEVER let this fear stop me from doing anything, but I am really worried anyway.
One other thing I am afraid of is if I get over this, if I ever get unwell from something, or I feel n* for some reason, it will all come back again and I will be in this same situation, and the n* will prolong the illness in my mind.

Thank you for any help or reassurance

[Lola444]

you've hit the nail on the head!! its the not knowing, the n* that bothers me most. The v* i'm still terrifed of but then i remember that last time i did v* it was bearable...

i thinks its great that your going out and getting a part time job. you may even find you fear easier to deal with as you'll be to busy with your new job!

Good luck and don't give up and remember, it takes about, at least 3-6 months to settle and feel comfortable in a new job so if its hard at first or anxiety provoking, perservere!! :-) (i used to work in recruitment!)

[livepink]

Wow that's exactly it! It is the anticipation before hand & the wondering afterwards if it's going to happen again. The actual act is quick but it's the fact that you never know when it could be or if it could be in public so scary! but I think on most days, work is a great distraction! everyone has bad days but overall it's really good. And like Lola said, definitely give it time to get settled, I've been in my new position for about 6 or 7 months and I'm just feeling comfortable so don't let a bad start set you off!

[Croset]

Thank you so much ladies, you have no idea how much it helps to know I am not alone! <3