Where did the "best days" go?

[swiftette]

I'm sorry for this post but I am so anxious and depressed. When Itried to eatsupper, it was like it got stuck in my esophogus. I had a horrible panic attack. I'm still hungry but can't eat. I remember when I was little, I had so much hope for the future. I don't know what happened. Life is nothing like I pictured it. When I was 14, I could'nt wait for 15 so I could date. When I was 15, I could'nt wait for 16 so I could drive. When I was 16, I could'nt wait for 17 so I could graduate. When I was 17 I could'nt wait for 18 so I'd be a "real adult" Then I could'nt wait to be married. Then I could'nt wait to be a mom. Now at 33, I look at my life and wonder if I wasted all my happiness away on dreaming whats to come. I sometimes feel like I woke up one day and looked in the mirror and said" who the hell is that with the double chin and gray hairs-not to mention all the strech marks. And then there is all this fear. I'm so tired of it. I'd like to run away from all this fear but you can't run from what lingers inside you can you?I'm sorry for this, but I'm just so tired. I can't talk to my mom or husband. I wish I could wish it all back for a do-over. Mabey I'd be better at it this time.

[madisonsmom]

I think all of us look back and wish that we could do some things over again. Do you have children? If so, that is blessing! There is nothing better than children. You can do anything. You are still young. No need to get on yourself. I have a lot of room to talk[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] I went to college when I was 29 yrs old. I put it off and put it off but finally said "what do I have to lose..." You can DO ANYTHING YOU WANT sweetie. You have nothing but time ahead of you!


You can color those grays[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[harmonygirl72]

I'm gonna chime in on this one...I haven't posted in ages, though I have been a memeber for like 5 years and I post every once in awhile. I have not really met you yet, so welcome to the site. I just want to say that at 32, I totally know what you mean and am going through a similar thing. I never in a million years thought that at this age, I would be single and broke and unhappy. I hate it. I wonder where all the time went and what happened to my life. I recently was dumped, so I am very unhappy and depressed about that because I really thought this relationship was going somewhere. Anyway, sorry for the vent, but I just want you to know that I can really relate. If you ever want to chat, I have AIM: harmonygirl1972, Yahoo: harmonygirl72, and MSN: [email protected]


Mary

[swiftette]

Thamks Mary. Is that you playing the guitar. I used to play guitar. I was in a band. I was an artist to. I used to think it would take me somewhere. And Thanks Maddisonsmom. I think you are so brave to have gone to college at 29- and to be an emet. in the field you are in-whoa. But I'm not brave. I can't seem to be able to figue out how to fix things. Mabey nothing needs fixin. Mabey it's just me.

[harmonygirl72]

Yep, that's me playing the guitar! I love to play! What kind of band were you in?

[swiftette]

Beleive it or not, I played thrash metal. An all girl thrash band. Never made it out of the basement though, but we thought we were pretty cool.

[harmonygirl72]

That's hilarious!!!

[swiftette]

No more like hideous. But boy it was fun.And guess what, we even had a couple of "groopies"

[harmonygirl72]

How cool is that! I play more like folk type stuff, but in college, there was a guy who lived next door and he played heavy metal. We taught each other songs; it was sooo funny!