Miserable

[bailey123]

Am having cbt which seemed to be working so well but over the past few weeks everything just seems to have crept back in. I so want to feel better or different even but the medication I was given made me feel so s* I just can't take it. I have limited my life to so few things now and the things I used to take pleasure in are now just another thing to get through. I simply do not want to live the way I am anymore. Am on a loooong waiting list to see a psych but in the meantime what am i supposed to do? Am losing my family, my husband and myself. Although I have had emet for as long as I can remember, if I just think back a few years I was almost a totally different person then. Sorry to complain, I just don't seem to have the energy to fight myself and my self destructive thoughts anymore.

[stoneskipper]

That's great to hear that the CBT has been working for you. I hope you stick with it - this bad period will pass, and you'll keep making progress. When it comes to things like this, you don't just keep improving continuously - sometimes there are setbacks, but it doesn't mean that what you've been doing is not helpful. Just think about how long you've spent rehearsing your negative thoughts/habits. It will take time to fully learn the new thoughts/habits. Have you ever read Autobiography in Five Short Chapters? Kind of the same idea. Eventually, you will be able to avoid the hole.

[yummymummy]

I can completely empathise with you, I was welling up just reading that because it is exactly how my life has been over the last 18 months.

I have always had Emetophobia but it never impacted on my life until I fell pregnant in march 2010 and instead of me controlling it, it controls me.

I am, like yourself, recievung CBT, I have waited a very frustrating 10 months for it and on recieving I know it's no quick fix.

You say you've been put on medication that is making you sick, if you don't mind me asking what for? If it making you feel worse then you should talk to your doctor.

I just want you to know, that if you want, you can talk to me if you ever need some advice or just want to vent, you are not alone.

[bailey123]

Thank you for your lovely replies, it helps to feel a little less lonely! Have been having the CBT for a little over 6 months now but have recently had 4 weeks off (their decision) so maybe that's why I'm feeling so low. I have my next session tomorrow so will wait to see what that brings but you're right, its no quick fix. Am on the waiting list to see a psychologist but have been told that it can take up to a year to get an appointment and have read so many self help books and listened to relaxation cds that I should be on some higher plane by now!!

The usual distraction techniques just dont seem to work anymore and whilst the people around me try to be supportive, you can see them almost rolling their eyes thinking 'here we go again'. My GP originally gave me 20g of Fluoxetine which is apparently used to treat emet but the side effects are that it makes you feel s*, i lasted 3 days and no matter how much everyone tried to convince me to stick with it, I just couldn't voluntarily take something that made me feel that way. Have also been prescribed 15mg of Mirtazapine, which apparently should help me sleep (my emet becomes out of control at night!) but I wont take them because I am worried that they will make me feel the same way, or that I wont be able to wake up properly. I know that it sounds as if I am not helping myself by not taking the medication but its so frustrating. One voice in my head tells me that I would do ANYTHING to feel differently than I do now but then the emet sets in and that voice is louder.

I have to have my weight monitored every fortnight which doesnt help as its now becoming all about the numbers and people look at me and simply assume that I look the way I do because I want to be thin, not because most of the time I am too afraid to eat anything. It sounds so dramatic I know but it all just feels a little hopeless and one endless circle that keeps coming back to the same struggle...talk myself into eating breakfast.....talk myself into eating lunch.....day in, day out. No wonder I struggle to get anything else done!

Thank you for the support though, I dont think people realise how difficult it is to try and make even the people who know you best understand.