I am having a really hard time...

[JellyBn83]

I am so sick of feeling this way! I can't believe that I am telling myself that I shouldn't have children because of this. I am just bawling writing this post. Today has been one of the hardest days every, and nothing huge happened. I just think everything has hit me hard today. I even lost it in front of a coworker today. I don't cry in front of people! I am so mad at myself for letting it get this bad. They said that is isn't our fault, but then why do I feel like I am the most stupid person out there for felling like this. I had take out today from a place I always eat at. I am now freaking out that I may get s* from it. What happens if the person cooking it wasn't wearing glove/washed his hands/was sick?? I don't hear a lot of it in my direct area, but that doesn't meant that I know everyone who has it! I want to do CBT therapy, but I do NOT want to see someone get sick!! I was reading in some anxiety book that someone could not have emet with the fear of BOTH seeing someone v* or v* themselves. Um, I DO! I freak out with the before the most! The thought of it gets me more, but that doesn't meant me v* won't shove me over the edge! And seeing someone do it? HA! Don't get me started!

I just need someone to tell me it is going to be ok. I don't want to feel like this any more. I want my life back! I can't get my mind off of things. I can't think about work. I just want to get home into my bubble and never leave! I want to go back on my meds, but that makes me feel like a failure of a want to be mother. How can I put my child through this? What did they do? NOTHING! Sorry that your mother is a freak and can't even get out of her own head! God, I feel like a freak and such a stupid person! God, help me!

[andee]

Awwww....so sorry JellyBn, but I've been where you are now. It's incredibly hard, but things will get better. Yes, take meds because it will help you. You can even take some types while pregnant. Please don't think you can't have kids or be a failure of a mother. THis is an extreme fear, something we often cannot control.
For the first time after being in therapy for many years, I am planning on going to an exposure type therapy in a few weeks, and I feel just like you. I am thinking, NO way can I get through this, and see, hear, smell, whatever they are telling me to do! But I am at the point that after 30 years like this, I am sooooooo tired of feeling like this...worried, obsessive, exhausted, depressed, etc. I even freak out about my son, who's 9, when he eats a lot of what I consider junk food...he is growing and knows when to stop, but I get soooo anxious that he will be sick. So ridiculous of me!
Anyway, take care, wish there was more I could do. Hang in there, hug to you!!

[bebzorg]

I'm feeling like this as well. Some periods are just more difficult than others. I have three children and am constantly over analyzing their every move. Or I'm so scared of being nauseous that I end up making myself nauseous. I also feel like a failure that I'm on medication and even more of a failure when I take an antiemetic. I wish there was something I could say to you that would make it all better but I can't even help myself!

[JellyBn83]

Thank you very much for the kinds words. I think/know that is what is going on with me right now, working myself up so much to make my self n*! I am currently trying to suck on a mint and sip water. I know that it is all because of nerves and just BAWLING my eyes out! It has gotten so hard for me these days. And I have NO idea why!!! Normally I have my little freaks and I am fine. This year has brought out OCD in me, not wanting to leave my house and even not wanting to do work! That is NOT me!

Andee, exposure therapy? Is that what I think it is? What is the difference between that and CBT?

[andee]

CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy, which tries to work on your thoughts that trigger your fear...thus if you change and manage your thoughts, your fear will improve. Exposure therapy is exactly what it sounds like, I'm afraid (literally!). It is supposed to gradually expose you to your fear while also keeping you calm and in control. I'm scared but am willing to try. I'll let you know....

[JellyBn83]

Please let me know how that goes. CBT, does that include any exposure? Do you know? Did CBT not work for you?

[andee]

I guess CBT could involve exposure but doesn't need to....my therapist and I did some CBT but not consistently or enough, I think.

[bakogirl]

Calm down. We have either all been there or are in the same place as you. You're not a freak. I have 3 boys, could you imagine what I put them through? I homeschool them which makes me feel a little better but I can't control everything. My husband got suck this week I wasn't sure if it was fp or sv, but anyway I banned that bathroom until I have the nerve to clean it. I attacked my dad for going in there. You should have seen me I bet I looked crazy. I yelled at him to wash his hands. I tuned on the water and put soap in his hands. So we all have our moments. You're just having a bad day. I have freaked out so many times over something I ate and analyzed everything I ate and gave myself a tummy ache stressing over it. You're normal. Just try and relax. If you can't we are all here for you.

[bailey123]

I have been having cbt for the past 7 months and let me assure you that there has been absolutely NO exposure, listening to, watching or such like as there is no way I can handle that!! The most you will have to deal with is thinking and talking about it yourself. It isn't the answer to all my problems but it definitely has helped and if you have the chance to go, you really should consider it. If it has done nothing else it has at least shown me how to understand myself a little more x

[JellyBn83]

That is what I am hoping for. I am having a better day today. I am eating a little more now. My doc told me that the noro isn't hitting our area. She is seeing people with this sv* but not the noro. I don't know if that is better or not, but she told me that hand sanitizer will help, but keep washing my hands like I am doing it. She told me she is seeing in more in families than people without kids. She said that if I haven't gotten it by now, I should be ok (now, that could be a TOTAL lie! but hey!). I have to see a psychiatrist before putting me back on meds (this appt isn't until April), and I wasn't too happy about that one, but another doc of mine said she would give me a script to help out I get there. The problem is my husband and I are wanting to start a family (these last few weeks have put me back on the fence about it). But I found out my therapist does CBT and I guess that is what we are starting....so I have hope! That is all I can stick to! OYE!