I haven't posted for a while but felt I needed some support. I had a really bad panic attack yesterday and tried to get on the site but it was offline for a while.
Anyway, I have emetophobia(not sure why) and my main symptom of a panic attack is severe nausea. I've been getting panic attacks more lately. Yesterday I had to pick my nieces up from school and take them to play practice. I tried to eat an early lunch, as eating and leaving the house makes me feel nauseated and panicky, so I wait til my food digests. Just remembering the taste of the food or smell or burping can cause panic(my brain thinking I'm going to throw up-totally stupid but uncontollable at this point). Anyway, I took some meds as I usually do before heading out and I started to get ready to go. I was already experiencing some anxiety. I had other physical sensations too that were totally normal and I wouldn't think anything of them if I wasn't leaving the house. But because I was leaving the comfort of my home, my brain started thinking of what bad could happen-throwing up.
So as I pulled away from my house I immediately started to panic and had a severe panic attack(severe nausea) the whole way there and the whole way back. The whole errand took about 20 minutes. I had to pull over a couple times because the feelings got so intense. I don't know how you can experience such severe nausea without throwing up, but I never do. Why can't I believe myself when I try to tell myself that? I got to the school and was glad I made it but knew that my errand was only half over. I had to finish it and with 2 people in the vehicle which put more pressure on me-didn't want them to know what was going on.
When I'm in the car and having a panic attack I try to think of landmarks, and as I pass them I know I'm getting closer to home. I was trying to do that but the panic and nausea was so intense I could't think straight at all. I finally got them to play practice and was on my way home. I felt good that I accomplished what was asked of me but I felt drained. As soon as I got home I felt safe and the panic and nausea quickly started to fade. I have 2 cleaning jobs that I want to quit because of my panic being so bad right now.
For me, I don't ever see being free from this phobia, therefore I don't know how I will ever be free from panic attacks again. It's making my agoraphobia worse. I just want to stay close to home for a while and not 'have' to go anywhere.
I'm in therapy but it's not working. I just feel like giving up.