My story

[ciscoguy]

Well, I stumbled across this wonderful site after being at my wits end with this phobia. Maybe someone will take me seriously because no one at home does.
Well it all started when i was in 5th grade. I had never seen someone v* before. Just so happened one day a bully in school sat behind me and suddenly v* out of nowhere. I reacted by spinning around and breaking his nose and splitting his eyebrow open. I then ran out the room crying and hid in the restroom and refused to come out. I was suspended for 5 days subsequently. I told my parents why i assaulted him, and they said i was lying, "people don't fear v*."

Through junior high I missed a lot of school due to my phobia. I had few friends, and if i witnessed someone v*, i lost control of myself. I haven't assaulted anyone since that day in 5th grade but I would turn paper white and pass out.

On top of my phobia, I have a stutter and suffer from PTSD, I acquired it right around the time the incident happened in 5th grade but was due to sexual assault. this only magnifies my phobia by 100%.

In high school I was enrolled in a small christian school, so my fears were much less a problem. Except one time my senior year when i had a date. She was a pretty girl, out of my league I'd say. We ate at a restaurant before a movie, she said she was gonna be s*. She didn't make it to the restroom. I ran out of the restaurant, knocking over a couple of waiters. I ran to where i parked my motorcycle and i had an extreme fit of rage. Profusely crying and kicking and punching my bike to the point my speedometer was busted. Needless to say we haven't spoken since.

I'm 18 now and attending college. I'm starting to loose my grip because everyone coughs hard in my classes. When i hear it my PTSD kicks in and I walk out of the room for the rest of the class. I feel weak, lonely, and scared in the respect of my phobia. No one thinks its real and I don't know what to do anymore. I have held back from doing fun stuff because of my phobia. I tried to commit suicide when I was 15 with 32 benadryl tablets. It only fucked my liver up.

I'm broken, truly. who wants to be friends with someone who is scared of v*? and what woman would understand me? I hope people on this fourm can relate to be and my situation.... Thanks for reading.

[bebzorg]

If anyone is going to understand you it will be the people here. Welcome, I know it seems hopeless but it does get better. My name is Eva if you need anyone to talk to you can pm me.

[DeadxxInside92]

I'm really sorry you've been through all that. It's very hard to explain this fear to people who don't have it as well. I don't really confide in anyone regarding this fear in real life because they either think I'm crazy or it's some kind of joke. It's a tough spot to be in and it really does make even the most mundane tasks difficult. You are not alone in this and you will get better. Of course, you will always have your ups and downs, but you need to push through it no matter how hard it is to face. Avoiding the issue will only make your fear and anxiety significantly worse. Have you ever been on antidepressants/anxiety medications? I take Zoloft (sertraline) and it does wonders for me. It reduces my anxiety significantly, although I still have those days where I feel like absolute shit. I'm nineteen and I'm in college as well, and it's really tough. It's so much different from high school because nobody gives a damn if you skip class or just abruptly walk out of the room without saying a word. It's a blessing, yet a curse at the same time because everything you do is on you. You repeatedly skip class, you run the risk of failing. I definitely can sympathize with you there. The people here are wonderful and very compassionate so I hope you can find solace in coming here. You can always private message me if you need anything. I've attempted suicide a few years ago, so I definitely know how horrible that hopelessness feeling is. I just can't stress it enough that you are not alone. As for the dating scene, someone will accept you for who you are regardless of your flaws. You just need to be patient and focus on getting better and learn how to love yourself before someone else can love you. I hope you find the help and support you need. Best of luck!

[Theshadow]

Yeah I understand how you feel. I haven't told any of my friends about it cause I think they will find it silly. I too have PTSD

[joendavid]

Well, I stumbled across this wonderful site after being at my wits end with this phobia. Maybe someone will take me seriously because no one at home does.
Well it all started when i was in 5th grade. I had never seen someone v* before. Just so happened one day a bully in school sat behind me and suddenly v* out of nowhere. I reacted by spinning around and breaking his nose and splitting his eyebrow open. I then ran out the room crying and hid in the restroom and refused to come out. I was suspended for 5 days subsequently. I told my parents why i assaulted him, and they said i was lying, "people don't fear v*."

Through junior high I missed a lot of school due to my phobia. I had few friends, and if i witnessed someone v*, i lost control of myself. I haven't assaulted anyone since that day in 5th grade but I would turn paper white and pass out.

On top of my phobia, I have a stutter and suffer from PTSD, I acquired it right around the time the incident happened in 5th grade but was due to sexual assault. this only magnifies my phobia by 100%.

In high school I was enrolled in a small christian school, so my fears were much less a problem. Except one time my senior year when i had a date. She was a pretty girl, out of my league I'd say. We ate at a restaurant before a movie, she said she was gonna be s*. She didn't make it to the restroom. I ran out of the restaurant, knocking over a couple of waiters. I ran to where i parked my motorcycle and i had an extreme fit of rage. Profusely crying and kicking and punching my bike to the point my speedometer was busted. Needless to say we haven't spoken since.

I'm 18 now and attending college. I'm starting to loose my grip because everyone coughs hard in my classes. When i hear it my PTSD kicks in and I walk out of the room for the rest of the class. I feel weak, lonely, and scared in the respect of my phobia. No one thinks its real and I don't know what to do anymore. I have held back from doing fun stuff because of my phobia. I tried to commit suicide when I was 15 with 32 benadryl tablets. It only fucked my liver up.

I'm broken, truly. who wants to be friends with someone who is scared of v*? and what woman would understand me? I hope people on this fourm can relate to be and my situation.... Thanks for reading.

hi there....i have read alot of stories but your incidence is the closet thing to me that i have read. i am afraid of v itself (not v*ing myself) i go into a complete panic attack if i see it on the floor/i get shakey and run out the door...and yes...i have pushed people out of the way, too. tell me more about your incidences because you sound so much like me.....moreso than others on the forum....thanks now i feel i'm not alone!!!! joe

[hairyfairy]

I think you deserve a pat on the back for hitting that bully, I wish that I`d had the courage to do that when I was in school, whether they vted or not!