Question for the Moms

[sillygirl]

One of my biggest fears about having kids is giving them this phobia. Although my mom doesn't actually have this phobia, she does hate to v* and I have always known that. I think that, plus other events in my life contributed to me becoming an emet.


So, my question is, how do you keep your kids from fearing IT? My husband has said that he hopes, when we have kids, they don't get this fear and so now I've been worrying about that (on top of morning sickness and kids being sick[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]).


I would never want to see my kids suffer through this like we all do!

[aguerra29]

I don't have kids and one of the reasons is because I do not want to pass this to them. I know that my mother gave it to me. Just seeing her reaction when I was ill was enough. Her making v* a huge ordeal made me believe it was. I have not been able to talk to my mom since I discovered the name of this phobia since she passed away six years ago. My dad told me that my mom was terrified of v*. I know she said she would rather die than have chemotherapy if she were to get cancer. Those sorts of behaviors and comments indirectly make your children fearful also. You don't pass it on on purpose, obviously. But unless you have great control over it when they are sick, they may pick up on the fear. That is just my opinion. I think I could handle morning sickness, but the idea of cleaning up v* or being around v* still freaks me out. Now, I can clean up my dog's v* with no problems. But that is only because I know I can't catch that. Anyway, my point it, I think it is highly possible if not probable that you could pass this phobia to your kids. I guess also it would depend on how the father reacts too. Although I do not remember anything about my dad when I was sick as a child. I just remember my mom trying to determine "why" I was sick. I'm sorry I'm rambling. I'll sign off now.

[swiftette]

My husband helps my two girls when they are v*. He is'nt afraid and tells them to just let it out and that it's ok, and they handle it like he does-so far. My 8 yr old is old enough to notice that mommy is'nt ok when it comes to v* so I explain to her that I have an irrational fear and it really is'nt as scary as my feelings towards it. I think that emetephobia is part of a wholeanxiety disorder. I am afraid I may pass onto my child(ren). My mom has a fear of driving -she has'nt driven since I was 3 or 4, she also has anxiety,possibly ocd,though she never seeked help. That is my biggest fear, fear of passing it onto them. I also think my father battled deppression-he now has alzheimers so I'll never know. The thing is, I also used to have a phobia of bees. I would have to litterely run indoors the moment I saw even one!But for whatever reason, I do'nt anymore. My emet. did'nt used to be bad for a number of years. If I could just get back to that mind set-like with the bees- mabey I'll be ok. But do'nt give up on having children. This is just one small obstacle in a life filled with the joys your children give you-and you them.

[faliraki]

I have to say that I have 2 children and my oldest (8) is showing signs of being like myself. He gets very afraid if he feels ill and my youngest has just had a stomach bug and both me and my other son has sat panicking for 3 days in case we catch it. I am always very careful not to talk about my phobia in front of him and when he is ill try to be calming even though inside I am freaking, I guess sometimes they just pick up on things.


My phobia would never have stopped me having children though and I found that when they were small, my phobia went away for a number of years.





Sarah

[ontariogirl]

When I had my kids especially with my eldest son I never showed my fear. Being a mother at the age of 19 and with the phobia having a strong hold on me I hid my fear. I didn't want my kids to see this fear, I wanted them to have a "normal" life, not having the life that I have. My eldest son is 21 and my youngest is 12. My I told my 21 year old about my phobia when he was about 18, he had no idea, I was always with him when he was sick, sure I was freaking out inside but like I stated I hide it well. Now that he no longers lives with us, I am still hiding my fear from my 12 year old. I am petrified of thunderstorms, he wasn't until he saw his mother freaking out acting like a nut, than he started to be freaked out about the storms. The person who I was with told me to smarten up look at what I am doing to him!! So when a storm came and he was freaking I had to act like it was no problem! Look at that lightening, wow that was a big bang. He is no longer of storms, I am! Kids pick up on a lot of things, they may be young but they are smarter than we think. When I feel my youngest is old enough to understand than and only than will I tell him about this phobia. He will probably have the same response as my eldest son, " but Mom you were always there when I was sick".

[rileyl]

You know, I did not know I had this phobia UNTIL I had kids. Before then, I was afraid to v, but hardly ever had to deal with "it." With children, v'g is just a fact of life - pure and simple. I have to face my fear several times a year because kids do tend to get sick much more often than adults.


If I had had any idea of the severity of this fear for me, I certainly would have given the idea of having children more thought, and I would have better prepared myself mentally to deal with it. Learning about and coping with a phobia while you are in the thick of it (already have children) is not the best way to go. It would not have changed my mind about having kids, it just would have made me better prepared.


That being said, I have two amazing children. Kids are very intuitive and they have picked up on my fear even though I have gone to great lengths to hide it. The oldest is more like me tempermentally, and I have seen signs that he may be developing this phobia. He is almost 9, and I am having more frank discussions with him. The youngest seems to be a little less afraid of v; she definitely does not like it but she just appears to cope with it better.


I think it is safe to say that I passed this on to at least one child. Unfortunately, I am a single mom, and their major role model for how to cope with v, because I am always the one who is there when they are sick. I cannot beat myself up too much about this, though. There is so much more to parenting, and the rest of it I do pretty darn well. I also have to remember to that I am facing my greatest fear when they are sick, and yet I am right there with them.


I guess what I am saying is that it's important to find coping skills and/or help in dealing with v'g kids to lessen the phobia's impact on your kids. You should also give yourself a break and realize that you have so much to offer a child that is positive. Don't let this one negative prevent you from "passing on" your good qualities.

[jennyleigh1975]

Well, so far, I dont see any signs of my children having this phobia. However, they are 10,5, and 3. I think I do an ok job of dealing with it when they are sick, so they know that I dont like it, but I dont think they sense how bad I freak out. I mean, I think that it would be worse if my husband was not as supportive of me. Him being here to help me keeps me from freaking out so badly. I was about 10-12 before my phobia hit, so I really havent expected to see any signs in my children yet. I couldnt even tell you where/what my phobia came from. I cant seem to remember anything that might have contributed to it. I think that it is extremely hard, but I do think that it is possible to have this phobia, have children, and NOT pass it on to them.

[luna33]

I hope it makes you feel better to hear my story. I am one of the biggest emets you ever met. I have been terrified of my child v***ing from the moment I conceived. My deal with DH is that he deals with v***, always. But when she had her first sv a few weeks ago, and my DH was at work, I couldn't believe how well I handled it. I sat next to her for 6 straight hours of v***ing, holding the bucket. The few times she tried to fight it, I actually said, "It's OK, let it out, it's just a few seconds, it'll be over soon and make you feel better" . . . the most reassuring words I could think of. Trust me I was having the biggest panic attack ever and didn't eat anything but crackers for almost a week and Lysoled the whole house and washed all the linens every night for a week (after she had gone to bed). So maybe you can rise above it too. I think a lot of emets do rise above it for their kids! I can't for my DH . . . when he v***s, I run for the hills and sleep downstairs for a week (and return to my bed before the am, so my daugther won't notice). So it CAN be done! Good luck!


P.S. My mom and dad have NO problem with v***ing, so I know it didn't come from them. I think a lot of emets get it independently of their parents.

[ontariogirl]

rileyl you are so right about the coping skills!. The one thing that I have done right was leave an abusive relationship and go on my own, sure it was hard at first but than I got settled in and when the kids were sick that coping skills came!!

[charzysbebe]

I would say, that there are lots of things that can "rub off" of us, and on to our kids. I have 5 kids, and my oldest is 13. She is always telling me about how I should just get over my emet. She is anxious in other ways though. I think that our fear comes from anxiety, that is displaced onto the fearto vomit. I personally think that any mother that has any phobia has a chance of passing anxiety on to her kids, simply because of the genetic makeup. My daugher fears spiders, and she has seen me as an emet all her life! I think you having children will be ok. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]Charlotte