I'm new on this site and I'm sorry for posting two panic posts on consecutive days, but I'm having a really hard time. Thursday night I was drinking and drank more than I meant to, had a very emotional night, and woke up at 5 am Friday morning in an extreme state of panic (it didn't help that I woke up in the apartment of a friend's boyfriend and had to wait until 7 am to get on a bus to go home while feeling like absolute crap). The last time I v* it was because I was so hungover (before that it had been 12 years), so I was in a serious state of panic and just not feeling well yesterday. Finally, I was able to calm down and fell asleep for a little while, woke up, ate something and then started to feel anxious again. The anxiety and panic came and went all day (I have a severe panic disorder). I attributed it to drinking and lack of sleep. Finally around 9 pm I burst into tears and spent a few hours crying (my anxiety is often tied to avoidance of emotions), and almost immediately felt better. I fell asleep around midnight, woke up at 8, realizing I hadn't eaten in a very long time and my stomach hurt so much, but I was able to identify it as hunger, so I ate something, drank a lot of water and went back to sleep until 12. I woke up, felt alright, but then I noticed my stomach felt off. I felt gassy and crampy and immediately started to panic (shaking, feeling of throat closing, racing thoughts, heart pounding etc.), and then had some d*. It's not uncommon for that to happen after I go through days of pure panic - it puts my body through hell. Now I still don't feel great. I feel like I am flipping between n* and hunger so easily and I'm still panicking, even after taking klonopin. I can't imagine this is a sv* which would usually be my first reaction to my stomach bothering me (that would just be way too much bad luck in a 48 hour period), but I can't stop my mind from going in circles about how I don't want to v*.
I need some logic and reassurance here telling me I'm not going to v*. I need this panic to stop because I can't take it anymore, my body can't take it anymore. I need to stop my mind from racing and I want this extreme fear to go away.