I'm back...with Sickness worries with new boyfriend

[zebra]

Wow I haven't been on this site for years...not because I haven't had any troubles, I just spaced it I guess. It's so nice to have a place where there are others just like me, and don't think I'm really weird for being terrified of V. I had a bad scare with my friend during the winter...I had to drive her home from the hospital and they gave her a medication she's never had before...and she gets sick easily, so I KNEW this couldn't end well. We made it all the way to her house, she got out of the car, then got sick outside. (Luckily it was nighttime). The first time I tried to be brave and I did ok, but then she walked up to her house closer to the front porch lights and said I might want to go and I prompty turned around and got into my car as she got sick again. I was so terrified I put my head down in my car and backed out like this, and peeled out and drove away as fast I could. I remember hyperventilating most of the way home and freaking out. Blah. She called to make sure I was ok. I lied. lol

What I hate the most about every Sickness event I witness or am around, it is BURNED into my brain and I never forget any of them...I'm haunted by them. It sucks. :<

Well here's my newest problem. I have a new boyfriend, and we are completely in love. I could not be happier, or more in love. One of his biggest hobbies is helping work on race cars for a team for the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb race...which his family has been involved in for quite a few years, and its a big deal. On Saint Patty's day, we were out playing pool and drinking with some friends of his, and one of his friends and I were talking and she just randomly mentioned "Oh just to warn you Jason (gets sick) a lot on/around race day, just so you know. We found out the hard way." (There's only one race day for the whole year for this particular race) Immediately my heart started pounding. I told her about my phobia, she just kind of looked at me weird. (Used to that, lol). She said she wasn't sure if it was nerves or what. I imagine so...
So I had already well promised Jason I'd go to the race this year, even flying down from my internship this summer in Indiana... but now I'm absolutely TERRIFIED to be there!!! I pick up on ANY sickness-like cues all the time, and very easily. Anything from chewing gum/mints to suddenly leaving an area...anything like this I pick up on and start freaking out wondering if they've been sick or being sick or whatever. Especially smells, anything that smells even remotely like V I freak out. Oh, and Jason does know about my phobia, though he hasn't actually seen my reactions. For some reason even when people know about my phobia they ALWAYS underestimate it, until they see just how much I freak out.
So anyway, yeah now I'm all worried I won't enjoy myself or the event at all, and I'll just be panicked the entire time. I haven't said anything to Jason that I was told, and I don't know if I should or not. Half the time I think "I love Jason more than anything, I'm going to be strong and act like nothing's wrong and be there for him..." but then the panic side of me kicks in and I envision me avoiding him on race day, or picking up every little possible cue, or just plain being panicked the whole time. :<
I don't know what to do... Tell him? Not tell him? Try my absolute hardest to suck it up? I wonder if I should talk to his dad, he has the sweetest dad ever who just loves me. I don't know. I'm awfully shy to mention something so weird to his dad... I just don't know what to do. I'm scared, and yet love him so much I want to almost force myself to be strong for him.

-Audra

[joeylynn]

Wow that's a mouthful - LOL...

Here's my take on the situation since he seems to get s* around race day I'm sure it's nerves and nothing contagious (now I don't really care about that I just plain hate when somebody v*). I understand the burn into your brain part since I still think about the time I went to the YMCA to work out and heard IT in the parking lot. Amazingly I still went in and enjoyed my workout since I'm almost positive that the guy v* just did too much and it made him s*.

Now your boyfriend -- if you want to go go....push your limits and trust me you will be very proud that you did. After all you were able to take your friend home KNOWING that it might happen & and it did but you still helped your friend and NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TO YOU, right?

You (we all) are stronger than we think -- GO FOR IT have fun and enjoy being there for your bf on his big day (after all you would want him to do it for you if the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't you?).

Hope I've helped and hope you gain the courage to face your fear and go!

Kellygirl

[zebra]

Thanks...I'm just worried I won't have fun because deep down the whole weekend I'll be completely panicked inside...even if I put a smile on my face and pretend to be having fun. And I only drove my friend home because there was no other option, lol...and I'm just too nice to say no, even with my phobia. Yeah it doesn't matter to me whether sickness is contagious or not, v* is v* and its all terrifying to me. I'm just super worried I'll end up freaking out or something and making him feel bad. I kind of wonder what, if anything, he might do to reduce the chances of me having to be around it... I just have no control over my responses to being around v*. It really affects me... That's pretty amazing you were able to go in and work out after hearing It, I definitely would have freaked out a little, and wouldn't have been able to stop thinking about it and would be all worried about everyone else, lol. Geez, my heart's racing just thinking about the race weekend. :<

[HEH18]

I think you should talk to him about it, and honestly warn him that your reaction is instinctively to just get away. Lol those who know me know that if anyone gets s* for ANY reason, even just pregnancy or whatever, my reaction will be to flee. Lol. They laugh, but I know they know and it helps because they then expect the reaction If this man loves you he will work to understand the panic reaction isn't something you can help I say you go, and just try to have fun. When you start panicking, practice deep breathing and if need be excuse yourself to go walk around and calm down

[zebra]

I'm certainly going to go...its just a matter of how much I obsess over every little possible cue I pick up on, and how much I'm panicked the whole time. I know already my heart will probably be pounding the whole day. Oh and I just found out that this may very well be the last race for them...so the heat is on even more and could make his nerves even worse. Once in awhile "getting sick" gets brought up very briefly in conversation, but he doesn't say much...he eluded that he does It as privately or secretly as he can, which I guess helps, but I still never ever trust the human body. Even if I came up with distractions or anything I'll always be thinking of it, panicked...I just can't turn it off :< I guess I just have no choice but to see how it goes.