The emet-basicproblem

[Sun666]

So I am now 25 years old and suffer from emetophobia about 20 years...and certainly I don´t want to suffer any longer...but it is such a hard long way, I think...even to understand what emetophobia wants to tell you.


Anybody here who believes in that there is a good reason, why we all became an emet?


I can´t believe that just the "vomiting" is the problem...because I know so many german emets who told me "I vomited, and it wasn´t bad at all, the worst part was the nausea before, but the vomit-act wasn´t so terrible. The fear and the nausea are worse than beeing sick..."


So but WHY this fear, if it´s not soooo bad? I gave so many thoughts about these question and I think, there must be another problem in our soul , which triggers the emet again and yet again,so long as we find out the basicproblem and begin to cure this problem...


Are you know your basicproblem? do you work with this problem (in therapy or alone)


What do you think about the connection between emetophobia and (stifle) emotions?


Hmmm,I hope this posting isn´t that confusing and that i get back some replys [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


Bye Jenny

[fabulouspaula]

I think there is definately an inner reason, or reasons, why we are emetophobic. I really beleive in the idea that when you are positive, good things happen and you generally feel better. And vice versa. So, while there are lots of specifics to our phobia, and it may be hereditary or based on a traumatic past experience, there are times in our lives when they are worse (or even started) because of bad events in our lives or depression. For example, this year I am in grade 12, which is very stressful, and I am fighting with my parents all the time. Not coincidentally, this has been the worst time of my life in terms of my phobia. I do think specific therapy for the fear would help, but honestly if I could find something in life to be positive about I would improve.


That was long, but I just mean that yes, I think our phobias stem from other problems in our life, which, if we focussed on as well as curing the phobia itself, could make life a lot easier.

[ontariogirl]

Jenny a member on this site sparky2004 and I were talking on the phone yesterday and we were talking about this. I have no idea why we have this. yes it could be in our genes, but who knows. I try so hard not to let this phobia control me and sometimes it wins. As I type this to you I am trying to fight it now. I got my hair cut yesterday and I was feeling off, as I sitting there my heart started to pound, I became hot and Tracey was chatting away, she was cutting my bangs and I whispered to her, Tracey you have to hurry I am having a panic attack and she said ok, she didn't finish my bangs like I wanted them. I felt like a total fool and so angry that this happened. I don't know what happened, I know I should start my period very soon, that could be it. This morning my stomach is still off and I need work done on my back from the chiropractor at 11 and I don't know if I can go. So I don't know what to do. Yes this sucks but we have to think positive even when it is hard to do so.

[madisonsmom]

I agree with the inner reasons. I dont like stomach viruses. I dont get all freaked when I see v* on TV or if someone is v* and its NOT contagious. I just dont like the stomach virus thing because of the way you feel before you v*. And when my kids get it...UGH my poor carpet.


V* alone without contagiousness doesnt bother me. I had reflux near the end of of my pregnancy and v* quite a bit and it didnt bother me. Granted no one likes to v*, but I did not panic.


When someone hasa stomach virus THEN I get nervous and panic. UGH I hate it.

[terified girl]

For me, weather I see it or hear about it, contagious or not, I panic...The sheer thought of v*ing scares me so bad. I don't care if I got drunk and I v*ed because it was the alcohol and it was my fault, I would still be completely petrified and that is horrible.


I too have had this phobia for 20 years, I am only 25 and I am scared because I think I will have it till I die....Scary because I will live a life of fear, never enjoying my life, my bf never being able to enjoy his to the fullest either because of me, never having children because of it and so on, the list will never end, and neither will my fear.....

[Sun666]

Hmm, I want to try to explain, what I think, why I have this emet.... I think it is a chain-linking of some different things...


When i was born, I almost died because I stayed stick with my throat. I was rescued in the last second by the doctor threw hisself onto my mothers belly. I couldn´t stay at my mom, because she immediately had to operated. So I think that was first this: bereavement feeling


When I was a little girl, my mum had to work and left me at my grandmother, but my grandmother was ill and vomited almost every day and I saw this always. I wanted to my mum , don´t wanted to stay with my old granny who vomited every day and talked the whole day about diseases.... I think, I so missed my mum that I connected this bereavement feeling with my vomiting granny...


My emet started, not so bad, I didn´t really have fear of vomiting first, I only feel sick first, especially if my mother wasn´t at home...then I feel absolutly sick....


If I felt sick and my mum was there, I felt better soon, because it was a protection for me, to know she is on my side....don´t know really...


But my mum never saw me really. I suffered from my dad and she didn´t do anything. He beat me up , he forced me to eat, he told me over 10 years that i am so ugly and stupid, and a psychotic and nobody can ever love me, he said I am nothing worth....


so my emet get worse....and no one saw me....I didn´t know what to do...I already thought myself, that I am a lunatic or anything...


What I wanted to say:


- I have never had a traumatic vomiting myself


- I vomited the last time when I was 6 (it wasn´t bad at all)


- I saw my granny vomit and missed my mother....


- I have never had a mom, because she didn´t see my...I felt alone and conntected this alone feelings with my nausea


- I don´t have any self-confidence (because the things my father told me about years)


- I always want to keep the controll (especially of my body)


I think there is no spontaneous cure of emet...it is not such as easy to vomit once or twice and you aren´t be an emet anymore...that is wrong...you have to find out the real problem, the problem which brings the emet to life...I found my basicproblems out, and now I have to work with these points. It isn´t easy and it is absolutley painful, but I think to get cured I have to go through these points again.


In fact it isn´t really the vomiting, it is a deeper problem in our soul, that want to be cured, that need to be treated to get cured.


We all have so many wrong thoughts- and behaviour-exemplary in our mind (in relation to emet), which we need to turn around....and to understan

[terified girl]

You did fine explaining in english. And you did go through a horrible exxperience, I'm really sorry to hear about that. But if you ask people why they are this way on this site, some might say they were abused physically or mentally or sexually, and others will say they never had any awful experience like myself. I had one loving parent who was always there for me, everyone says this fear is because my father left to move to another country when I was only 4 or 5, and I never really had such a horrible v* experience....


So I've heard that it doesn't matter what we've gone through in the past to be here today, we just have to work on the main issue of v* and forget about how it came to be.


Hope this helps you some![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[Sun666]

everyone says this fear is because my father left to move to another country when I was only 4 or 5, and I never really had such a horrible v* experience....

How old have you been when your emet started? And i think it might be a good reason with your father...because for a little child it is a big loss, if the father moves away...

So I've heard that it doesn't matter what we've gone through in the past to be here today, we just have to work on the main issue of v* and forget about how it came to be.

Okay,I have another opinion. But maybe it is different from case to case...that could be possible. I know that i never won´t be cured, if I don´t eliminate the problems and experiences from my past and my childhood.

[soluene]

Hi Sun,


There is definitely nothing THAT scary about v*ing itself - that is why this is a phobia. The definition of a phobia is when a person has associated an extreme fear/panic reaction to something that isn't that scary. As you know, this association can be to anything - heights, spiders, flying, buttons, dogs, etc.


I don't think there is a known cause for this fear, but Sage and Margaret, and some others have done some research that show some connections between our phobia and things such assomething traumatic happening in childhood, lack of self-confidence, and a need for control.


I think my phobia stemmed from a large number of things - mostly the need to be perfect and in control. As I have learned to accept myself as imperfect andto stop thinking that other people are always judging me, I have found much increased self-confidence and my phobia is pretty much gone. I still fear the act of v*ing, as I have not done so in 20 years; however, I do not think of it on a day to day basis, and even an upset stomach doesn't bother me any more. (But, I do get scared if someone I am near has v*ed or will v*)


I'm so sorry to hear you have gone through so much. You might contact Sage, as she also believes her phobia stemmed at an early agefrom seeing her father v* as he died. (Sage, I apologize if it was your mother and not your father - I can't remember.)

[sage]

My theory is that any emotional illness (and probably even physical illness, but I have done no research in this area) is the sum of a NUMBER of contributing factors. Much like a "perfect storm" or hurricane, there have to be about 9 factors all present at the same time to make it happen. The same seems to be true of this phobia. Some of the factors are:


genetic predisposition - (actual brain-wiring or chemistry...but scientific research has not found anything that accounts for this 100%)


a trauma in childhood, vomit-related or not


flawed cognitive process (thinking) about the danger of vomiting.


an anxious family process (the stress level in the whole family is high, leading at least one of the members to "absorb" the stress by being overly-anxious...this can shift around from member to member over time)


an intense attachment between the phobic person and his or her primary caregiver (usually mother, but sometimes another family member). By "intense" I mean that it is either overly protective or overly anxious - mom "worries" incessantly and "smothers" the child with "love"OR it is emotionally charged with conflict. Seldom do phobics have a primarly caregiver that's just calm, rational, and relates in a meaningful but not-too-intense way.


There may be other factors as well. You may not have to have all of the above, either. Any combo of two might lead to the phobia. The idea that there is only one cause is not founded or upheld in fact.


The good news? (you KNOW I'm all about good news) Changing JUST ONE factor can help a whole HELL of a lot. Sometimes this is just medication for the brain chemicals/wires. Sometimes it's cognitive-behavioral, correcting flawed thinking, or resolving the early childhood trauma. Sometimes it's a natural relief of stress in the family and the phobia just gets better. Sometimes it's working on early family relationships in one form of long-term therapy or another. Lots of good news - lots of ways to look at healing. Me? I'm attacking it on all fronts 24-7.


But that's just me.

[secret fear]

Hello everyone, I just joined today. My opinion at least for me, is that it is associated with a childhood that was always filled with trauma! My older brother was physically handicapped, and required lots of medical care and attention. Worst of all, my father was a very angry short-tempered and violent man. He would stomp down the hallway at night in one of his rages, and I would lie scared to move or even breathe in my bed.


For me, the night time always provoked fear and that's when most of the trauma always seemed to happen in our house. Also, doesn't it always seem that a virus wakes you up in the middle of the night? I know it sure happened that way in my family. The rude and violent awakening and rush to the toilet! Those sounds along with the sounds of my father's stomping feet, still play over in my head. Every little sound in the darkness of the night, still puts me in a panic. If my hubby gets up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I lie there with my heart pounding waiting to hear if he is sick. When he comes back to bed, I start the twenty questions game! Are you OK, do you feel OK, etc.....? I have always been this way about my children as well. Lots of times I lie awake until daylight, because I feel safe once the sun comes up .... like we all "made it through the night" without v*ing! *sigh*


In addition to this, the last time I actuall v*ed was when I was a young school girl. My mother was always an emotional wreck (due to life with my father) and she had one of her many scheduled doctors' appointments that day. Well, the doctor was about an hour and half drive away from our home, and she couldn't postpone her appointment for me with the stomach bug. Soooooo, I had to ride for nearly 2 hours in the back of a moving car .... v*ing numerous times in the car ... didn't even have a can or bag, just had to do it in my special "loving blanket" that I slept with every night![img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]They never even pulled over to help me or anything. Even when she went in for her appointment, I was left in the car. Then of all things, after her visit, they went to a Bonanza restaurant for lunch and left me in the car!!! Now that I think about this ... NO WONDER I am a messed up person! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img] They did bring me a Sprite out when they got back in the car, but of course I v*d that up too! Mom finally took me to my doctor when we got back to town. By then I was dehydrated, but got some medicine and an ounce of Sprite every 30 mins or so ... but for a small child, I think the damage was DONE by then. Anyway, I was about 8 years old, and am now 40, so I have not V*ed for 32 years now, yet I fear it every day of my life!!![img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]


Thank you for letting me share this!





Kim

[sage]

Secret,


You poor thing. What a sad story. I'd say you've pretty much put your finger on the phobia "perfect storm" factors in your life! Trauma, messed-up family process, fear all the time....you sound a lot like me. But now I'm completely cured of it - and you can be too. Never give up - there IS life without fear!


Take care!

[blood_tears]

i tihnk i said it on this site before however, i will tell my story. i know why i am an emet, for me it all goes back to when i was quite little and my mom went out one night. my sister had a really bad reaction to some meds, and was v*ing all night but as my mom was out, my father refused to deal with it (he wasnt an emet, just a deadbeat) so i was left with her and to my little kid mind, she was dying becuase she did not stop v*ing for hours and there was no one to take her to a hopsital or help her in any way.

[Sun666]

she was dying becuase she did not stop v*ing for hours and there was no one to take her to a hopsital or help her in any way.

Oh my god, I am absolutley not suprised why you are an emet....it is a bit like sage, isn´t it? She also connected vomiting and dying....hmmm


I also think, emet is often a fear of loss!