It makes so sense!!

[ShatteredAedah]

Hey guys! So, I have been doing a lot of thinking these past few days...while I read through these forums, and I have some unanswered questions. First of all....I still cannot understand WHY we are so afraid of v*ing. I mean, I am terrified to the point that I can't leave my house in the winter months, and barely leave during the summer. I sanitize my husband when he comes in the door, and I refuse to have kids. Yet, I still cannot comprehend WHY am I this way? I KNOW that V*ing is no big deal, I know that it happens to everyone and it only lasts a second and then its over and you feel better. It WON'T kill me, this I know. It's not likely to hurt me either. Chances are, if I were to get an sv, it would only happen once or twice. All of that doesn't sound that bad, yet, when it comes down to the nitty gritty, I freak out! Even while I am panicking I keep telling myself that there is literally NOTHING to be afraid of. It's like, I know it is completely and utterly irrational, but I can't seem to live by it <--- make sense?

Anyone else feel this way? Also, I am curious what kind of OCD habits you guys might have....I will tell you some of mine, I kinda want to know if I am really strange or if it is "normal" among emets.

1. I MUST sleep on the side of the bed that is near the door
2. Before going to bed, I have to make sure there is nothing on the floor, in the way, between me and the bathroom
3. I always sleep with my TV on (for light and sound, it calms me down, plus, if I ever were to v*, I could see where I was going)
4. I use my GermStar Noro on each and every item that enters my house (example: if I bought a DVD, I will sanitize the entire DVD case, and then my hands)
5. Before seeing any friends I always contact them via text message and ensure that they or no one they have been near have been ill in the last 72 hours, if they have, I don't see them until it is considered "safe"
6. I take my temperature about 30 times a day, if I am above 98.0F I get slightly anxious...(I know that normal is 98.6F, but my normal body temp always tends to be around 97.0 - 97.9F.
7. More times than not, I cannot sleep at night until the sun starts to come up. As soon as the sky starts getting brighter, my anxiety goes away and I sleep like a baby. I am on strong prescription sleeping meds and those can't even put me to sleep at night due to my anxiety.
8. Once a week I contact the local hospital and senior housing to find out if there has been an outbreak of Noro (as where I live, it usually only goes through the manors)


Wow, I always knew I did all of these things, but writing them out made me realize just how messed up I really am. I went to see a psychologist and we were starting CBT but my insurance would only cover $300 worth of sessions, which is only 2 sessions. I am a shut in with no income, therefore I haven't been able to get the treatment I need. Hopefully someday I will.

Also....this is very important that I get answered. Do you guys notice your phobia has flare ups? I am extra bad this year, but two years ago when I was in my 2nd year of University, it did not effect me whatsoever. I never even thought about it....never! I spent my time out with friends, going to class, going to concerts and bars every weekend. And for years up to that point it didn't bother me. Then, 2 years ago, Noro went through my city fairly strongly and ever since then my phobia has completely crippled me. Although, as of late, I have been getting slightly better. I've been doing grocery shopping and coffee dates with some friends...but the fear is definitely still there, just not as strong as it was a couple of weeks ago.


Anyway, thanks guys!! Really hoping for some response to this

-Aedah

[silent]

Hi Aedah, now that you made me think of it, I do think that are fears are overly irrational. The reason I think I am the way I am is because of a traumatic experience when I was 8 or 9ish and r* in front of my class, then v* after prolonged panic attacks. I can remember shunning v* but not being as phobic as I am now when I was even younger and came down with a virus when I was 4 or 5. I don't generally think about why I am emetophobic (I tend to avoid the subject compared to my OCD and BPD (borderline personality disorder), depression etc. a lot more.) Like even mentioning that my experiences happened when I was 8, that was twice now! I have to go now but I'll try to fill you in about some of my OCD habits later. Take care.

[olschesky]

if i knew why i was so scared i guess i wouldn't be an emet........most times my rational mind tells me it's no big deal.....but once the anxiety sets in it's a whole other story.

i don't have any answers for you......but a suggestion......try and push yourself every day to do more "normal" things ......pretty soon the will be easier and easier and you will be out of your house and living a better life.....it's hard and scary....but well worth the effort.

i know i have "flare ups"......have often tried to find a pattern for them......such as job stress, hormones, relationship probs, etc.....but have yet to figure that out.......but what i do know is that they don't last forever and i know i will feel better and that helps me to get through them...

hope some of this makes sense.......push yourself.....you deserve a better life.....and only you can make it happen

[out_of_order]

I do know why I'm emetophobic - because my brain has linked nausea and gagging (which is basically vomiting) with panic attacks. The first panic attack I ever had, which I didn't know what it was at the time, consisted of what felt like endless nausea and retching (no actual vomiting). Since then, every time I feel even slightly sick (or THINK I do) I start to panic. Since then is when I've been terrified of vomiting. Before that, I didn't want to, I had the "yuck" factor when someone else got sick, but it wasn't by any means a phobia or even a fear. Just the normal natural aversion everyone has to it. However, knowing what caused my emetophobia has done nothing to lessen my fear.

You're not weird. Well actually, I guess we're all weird with this phobia lol. I have my rituals too - for example, I also wipe down everything I buy with an antibacterial cloth. I also have what you call flareups - I go through periods where the fear isn't as bad and at other times I can barely function or barely leave the house.

What I have learned over time is that the fear I feel is always much worse than what I'm afraid MIGHT happen. When I push through the fear and do it anyway (whatever "it" is), I feel so good and none of my fears come true. Even the couple times I got sick since becoming emetophobic (I vomited after taking a prescription pain pill on an empty stomach), it wasn't anywhere near as bad as my fear makes it out to be. If only I could remember this and believe it on a daily basis, my phobia would be gone. But I can't and every day is like the first day... like I'm living an emetophobic Groundhog Day over and over and over.

[ShatteredAedah]

Thanks for the replies everyone! My phobia is really strange. I am not scared of v*ing once whether it be from medication or drinking too much. In fact, about a year ago I drank too much and ended up v*ing twice, in rapid succession. I was in a car with my boyfriend, we were stopped though. I just opened the door and let it happen. It was not that bad and I am literally NOT afraid of that happening again because it was really nothing.

My phobia lays within the constraints of Noro. I fear being uncontrollably ill, unable to leave the bathroom...24-48 hours of hell. When I think of Noro I picture constant v*ing for two straight days. And having d* at the same time....THAT scares me. But, I guess everyones phobia is different. I used to be afraid of v*ing no matter what, until that drunken night. Now....just Norwalk. Its weird.

[Missa_Mae]

Everyone who gets an sv* with vary with symptoms. Some will be sick with v* and d* for hours, some nly v* once or twice, some not at all, some only get d* and some feel better with 24 instead of 48 hours. It depends on how healthy you are before it attacks you and how you treat yourself while you are sick.

My "flare-ups" only happen when I hear someone has the sv*. In the past 4 weeks I know about 5 people who have come down with it - the most recent being about a week 1/2 ago and I've finally (fingers-crossed) starting calming down because I haven't heard of it. Before I heard of the 1st person (about a week before Easter) I don't think it even bothered me, I never thought about it, never became obsessed with NOT getting sick.

I'm going on vacation tomorrow and I think that's why I'm more freaking out than usual because I don't want to get sick, any kind of sick, while on vacation (or before.)
Once I stop hearing about people having it I usually calm down.

[Missa_Mae]

oh, and my biggest "weird" emet thing I do is that I make sure I go to bed a little hungry. I cannot go to sleep on a full stomach nor when I'm not hungry. I don't know why, but that little hunger feeling helps me.

[ShatteredAedah]

The hunger feeling helps me at night too. I think it helps me because I know that whatever my stomach feels like, that I can sum it up to hunger. But it always kicks my ass in the morning cause I wake up feeling like shit, but really I am just really hungry lol

[Missa_Mae]

Oh yeah, depending on how hungry I am before bed I usually feel like crap the next morning too -really tired, exhausted, my stomach feels soooo empty & I have to eat like 6 bowls of ceral to feel better! I try not to let myself get that hungry before bed though ...

[worm9614]

My habits are I think I jinx myself in my mind and I have to knock on wood and pray. And I feel like if I knock on wood with the wrong hand the left hand then I feelnlike God will punish me and make me sick or v*. I pray and knock on wood like you take your temperature. I also have to move everything off my floor away fom my bed but not fear of getting to the bathroom fear of v*ing on them. And that is a few of my habits.

[chocolategirl]

Oh wow I have alot of these things! If my temp is a little high I freak out. When I was little I used to have to take it every single day before school or else I would not go! My emet has flare ups alot, usually during the school year and in the winter time. Right now it's spring so I'm doing pretty good with it!