on the verge of ending it all.

[Bezza1992]

I cant take any more of it !! the hand washing , the hand gel , the constant iv'e got a bug , the not being able to go out the house without having a panic attack , the crying , the fear , the hating myself so much I have to cut my arms.

I am no good to anyone like this , no good at all - please god someone just put me out of my misery.


just want to die , need to buy a quick way out incase I ever get symptoms of this dreaded SV* coming on .


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh god , I need serious help. what do I do ?? I am so tired and run down


xxxx

[gumdropper1]

Don't do it, Bezza. If you try suicide, they will induce vomiting. Then after that, they'll give you the charcoal milkshake, which makes some people vomit.

[kristinak]

Don't do it, Bezza. If you try suicide, they will induce vomiting. Then after that, they'll give you the charcoal milkshake, which makes some people vomit.

Good one, Doug. Not to mention, if you take pills, they will pump your stomach, which is FAR worse than vomiting on your own. If you try to shoot yourself, you could miss and be kept alive on breathing tubes and tubes put in your stomach to feed you...yuck!

In all seriousness, life is so worth living. If you are feeling like it is not, PLEASE call a suicide hotline or have yourself Baker Acted so you can get the help you need.

[Bezza1992]

How have you gone over 36 years without vomiting ?? xx

[gumdropper1]

How have you gone over 36 years without vomiting ?? xx

I'm careful about what I eat and good at controlling nausea. I've only been close to puking twice in 36 years. Read my FAQ: http://emetophobia.byethost15.com/vomiting.html

[daniela]

There is hope! I am just wondering how old you are? I too (knock-on-wood!) Have gone 36 years roughly without v* and hope I never do! There are medications which can help manage this phobia - and I urge you to get some help - there is no need to suffer like the way you are now. This phobia is treatable, but first you need to take the first steps towards your recovery. Please, go to a sympathetic doctor (GP) who will take the time to listen to you and help you. Ask a good friend or someone to go with you if necessary. You can overcome this with a little help I hope you are feeling better.

[elizabeth3733]

Bezza, please look at the wonderful things in life! I know this is a horrible phobia to have, but there are so many good things in life out there that outweigh the bad we go through! Trust me, I've been depressed before. I know how hard it is to recover from depression, but please, don't end it.

[Bezza1992]

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and support - I know I wont do it if that makes sense but sometimes it just gets to much and I go into a huge frenzy and I have to get everything out and usually that means on here for me at the moment because it is my support network.
I am under a lot of stress at the moment with everything , aren't we all , but this phobia is proper getting me down to the point of not self destruct.
I guess I am just really scared for what the future holds and I have forgotten how to cope with a simple virus ?? ohhhh it's so awful and I wish I had a magic wand to cure myself and everyone that has to endure such emotional pain day in , day out.
Everyone that manages to live a relatively normal life with this phobia is truly amazing and you are my inspiration to get my own life back on track and to fight to the bloody end ( excuse my French )
I have my third session of CBT at in half an hour so must dash , will update later.

Thank you so much.
sam
xx

[Taryynx]

Please dont ever do that, or even think about doing such a thing. we emets always forget that itis just in our heads. Nothing is going to harm you, you have a definate less chance of V* because you take all the steps to prevent the stuff. Honestly i hate reading things like this, i genuinly hope you overcome the suicidal impact.I dont want to sound at all patronising in any form but are you getting any help? and if not i urge you to do so, everyones sceptical about phycyatrists and stuff but who knows, why not take the chance. Suicide is never an option, it creates far more pain than you try to get rid of x All mylove <3

[KRKRKRKR]

Suicide is never an answer. I've been in your shoes though before Bezza. I've thought about how my whole life is a pain because I constantly worry about it. This is why I'm getting medication to make me more worry-free. From where you are now it seems as though your anxiety will never get better, but if you take medication to even out the chemical imbalance in your head it will get better! In the past, I've forced myself to not use hand sanitizer. Even after coming back from the gym at school after touching all kinds of dirty things like basketballs, hockey sticks, the ground, the dirty gym floor, etc, I told myself not to wash my hands before eating. I didn't and nothing happened. You just have to tell yourself that all of this worry you have is in your head. Tell yourself that over and over again. Talk to someone face-to-face who has had anxiety this severe and have them hear you out and they can tell you their experiences.
Just remember, suicide is never an answer.

[joeylynn]

Sorry but your scare tactics are inappropriate. This girl needs our help and support not be scared into not committing suicide. Not to say you don't have valid points about what could happen at the hospital etc but she needs consoled not frightened.

Bezza -- I am 44 years old and have been an emet since I was 8 years old. I am not really afraid of v* myself my have a debilitating fear of OTHERS (which is far harder to control). I understand your frustration and fear of leaving the house.

Like Doug I am a FREAK about food preparation, sanitation and expiration dates and I stay as far away from sick people as I can (when I was very very young I would scream and cry if my mom would take me anywhere near someone who was sick -- and it didn't even matter what they were sick with -- I was terrified so my emet tendencies could go back farther than 8 years old).

Try to challenge yourself to do things outside your comfort zone like going to a park or eating out -- it really empowers you!!!

If you still feel like you want to end your life -- PLEASE like others have said call a suicide hotline or go to the nearest emergency room. And please find a therapist who will help you through this most difficult time.

I hope this message finds you in a better place and I am here if you need to talk!

[kristinak]

My comments were not scare tactics, they were reality. I also was trying to lighten up the mood. We aren't even supposed to talk about suicide here in the first place, which I didn't mention. In my experience, people who go around throwing out threats of suicide don't do it, it's the ones we never hear from that just go ahead and off themselves.
Truly, if you are desperate to feel the need to take your life or even feel so depressed that you cannot function because of this stupid phobia (I have it too, but I LIVE, but totally understand how dibilitating it can be) then you should be seeking professional help, not help on a board where everyone else is just as freaked out as you are..lol..I know, I'm harsh sometimes, but I have the right to say how I feel just like everyone else does.

[Jacaustin]

I feel the exact same way, I have had enough but I just think of the people around me that I would be hurting if you understand. I have thought about doing it many of times, I have had CBT theorpy but still feel the same, and I can't deal with it anymore, i need help but don't know what to do next