really neeed some advice and help :(

[Sarah93]

right, im pretty emotional right now. Finding it hard to even type this.

Basically, ive been with my boyfriend for a bit over 3 years now, and id say that in the last year ive been getting doubts. Thing is, with my anxieties and fear, it stops me from doing much, like, he pretty much just comes over here to see me. I cant go to his, I find it too hard cause i just get too panicky, even going out to do things i find hard. This understandably has taken a toll on our relationship, but he's so good about it, he just always thinks of me. My anxieties also make me overthink stuff, way too much, for example, several times this past year ive had sudden weeks of panic thinking that i no longer love him/want to be with him and it kills me each time. I hate it. I just want the feelings to go away, and i put it all down to my anxiety. It then goes away a bit and i feel a bit better about him, but its alwayus at the back of my mind. However, this past couple of weeks the feelings came flooding back to the point where last night i was in bits talking to my mum and sister and really confused about my feelings. I find that I often cant be bothered to speak to him because i find its like an effort to text. its not my ideal way of having a conversation, but i also dont really like phone chats. I much prefer just face to face. We only see each other about once a week though really, because of work, and him being at college and stuff. I like seeing him, but i also feel happy just doing my own thing (which is sitting at home with the family) its just my comfort and i love it.

Anyway, i spoke to him today after several tears, and we've decided to take a break, which i know we need to do, but im soooo cut up about it i literally cant stop crying, and i dont know if thats because ive realised i do want to be with him, or because im feeling bad and its different.

I really just need some opinions on whether people think i do really want to be with him, but my anxiety is clouding my vision, or if i dont really love him anymore.

sorry if theres mistakes and it doesnt make much sense. ive literally just typed without even thinking too much about it, i just feel so distraught.

[cokelly]

If it is always at the back of your mind, you find it an effort to keep in touch with him and you'd rather spend time at home with your family more and more then I think these feelings are more than your anxiety. You say it has been over the last year you've felt these doubts. What about the first two years? Obviously you knew you wanted to be with him. IMO I reckon this is just natural progression and you're realising perhaps you don't want to be with him?

A break is a good idea because you'll realise if you do want him back or not. I know it's difficult but try not to worry too much about it now you're on your break. Just have a few days to yourself and think about what life would be like without him. It'll either be impossible to face, or a bit of a relief/easier than first imagined.

I'm so sorry break ups/relationship problems are never easy even without anxiety!

Hope you'll feel a bit better soon

[Sarah93]

thanks for your reply, cokelly

im so worried you're right, because i really dont want to feel like this. i felt very happy the first two years, i'd say i started getting these thoughts when my emetophobia got worse again. Things started to change a bit because i could never go to his house anymore and stuff.

It's only been a few hours and i already want to talk to him again and things to go back to how there were i just dont know if im feeling like that because i genuinely want to be with him, or because im worried about what things will be like without him... ah god, i wish there was a simple answer.

[cokelly]

Oh I think I know what you're going through although your emetophobia sounds a bit worse than mine. I've questioned my own relationship recently too and my boyfriend and I have had our fair shared of near-break ups over the past two years.

The best thing to do in my opinion is to meet up and just talk to him. Get him to come round to yours if possible so your anxiety won't be exacerbated by being away from home. In any relationship honesty is best- even if that means having to put things bluntly and say things which are difficult to say! :P

You'll be fine- this could just be a blip. If you don't want to continue things you'll know Good luck- hope things become clearer for you soon