Very distressed

[LittleFlo]

Hello, I am new to this forum so hello everyone I'm a 21-year-old student in London. Have had emetophobia for as long as I can remember, had therapy in my teens as the phobia caused me not to eat properly. From about 18 I began to eat normally again and when I was 19 v* for the first time since I was 9 which actually really helped me begin to overcome my fear. Since then I have been much better with it.

Now about a month ago I had some pain in my sides and nausea, was taken to hospital where I did suffer from v* but felt I coped with it very well, as I felt safe in a hospital environment. Turned out I had a kidney infection which was a result of cystitis which has spread. I always feel more in control when I know what is causing any nausea or v*, and find it much better to cope with if it is not a stomach-related problems (food poisoining, tummy bug etc) - so knowing it was a kidney infection made the symptoms much easier to deal with, and I was given great anti-sickness meds when I was discharged. Also I was given a two week course of antibiotics which I came off just under two weeks ago.

At the weekend my boyfriend's little 2-year-old boy (who was staying with us) v* a couple of times, had a runny nose and a temperature. Last night my boyrfriend then suddenly came down with headache, sore throat, nausea, aches and v* quite a bit (but has slept through the night without any more of the v*), just a bit of diarrohea. We both went out to eat last night and had the same meal, and he suggested it was food poisoning but I think it is more to do with what his little boy had. Now within an hour of my boyfriend v* last night I became extremely anxious and panicky (I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks anyway). Of course the vicious circle began whereby the anxiety made me feel nauseous which fed the anxiety etc... Anyway he went to bed but I began experiencing a pain and heaviness in my lower abdomen, ribs and back (not unlike what I experienced when I had the kidney infection), slight sore throat, temperature and nausea. It's been burning to pee and have sex during the last few days. I've been up all night with anxiety and nausea. Added to this is that I am constipated (sorry for graphics). So basically I have experienced these symptoms for about seven hours, though not v* but obviously been closely around two people who have had some sort of bug involving v* (if you assume my boyfriend doesn't have food poisoning). My main anxiety is not just if I am to v* but what is the cause of it - is it the virus, food poisoning, or is it that I have developed another UTI given I have the symptoms of that too and have had a bad case of cystitis recently which involved nausea and v*? Or is it all just psychological? Or a combination of these things?

I really am in quite a state having not slept all night and really do need some reassurance please if you could. I do feel much less nauseous than a few hours ago but I don't feel right (though this could be exhaustion).

Please help
LittleFlo

[Ana Bellini]

Hi (what's your name?).

Welcome to our forum and congratulations, you've been very strong.

I believe your fear is a mix of both things, bug and anxiety. Just know something, if you were feeling nauseous YESTERDAY and haven't thrown up yep, your bug has left your stomach. I know that because I had a rotavirus two months ago and I felt great the night before the terror, even went out to watch Ice Skating and everything.

You may be feeling bad 'cause your boyfriend and boyfriend's brother have v*. I don't think it's food poisoning what you BF had, sorry. If so, he'd v* once and ok, he would be fine.

What I mean is that you probably have the virus, but won't v*. And IF you would v*, you would v* sleeping or not sleeping, so sleep. At least try, ok? If I'm not mistaken you should be sleeping now.

I'm online all the night, just PM me if you need.

[LittleFlo]

My name is Emily Thank you for responding, it means alot. I went to the doctors to put my mind at ease and I do indeed have a kidney infection (though I think I did have a mild version of the bug as my nausea was very bad and too much of a coincidence given my boyfriend and his son had had a sickness bug). So I never did v* and now I am on antibiotics which is helping my kidneys. I still have on/off nausea but I think this could be due to antibiotics. If I ever did have the bug I don't feel like I have it now. So I got through Obviously now though I go through this 'aftershock' phase whereby because I have been recently directly exposed to v* I get these mini-flashbacks of it, and feel uber-paranoid about food, etc. So it's making me have a little relapse, which is stressful in itself - and yep, you've guessed it, the anxiety brings on nausea too. I wondered whether I might need some more long term therapy again (I always consider it when something like this happens) but usually after a small period of time I am back to normal and it doesn't affect my everyday life as much as it used to. I am just thankful I found this forum as it will be my first port of call next time I have a crisis as I did a couple of nights ago. Although my family, close friends and boyfriend know I have emetophobia, they don't understand it like people on here do. Everytime I suffer v*-induced anxiety I get so paranoid that people think I am weak or pathetic, and part of me feels like a failure. And I have to think long-term too - if I have children, how will I cope then? Ahh sorry for rambling, it's just good to talk to someone who gets it probably. Thanks so much

[Ana Bellini]

Hi Emily (nice name, we don't have it here!).
That's ok, I hate when people don't answer my posts. I'm afraid I don't know what's a kidney infection but I'm happy you haven't v*. Flashbacks are awful, I know. V* dreams are the same, but we can deal with them.
Most of my nausea is from anxiety, so I usually take a little (strong) medication called Frontal, at least here. I've been with medications since I was nine (what hasn't been a long time ago) and started with therapy when I was four, so stopped, went back, stopped, went back, stopped and went back last month. It helps, yes. You should try. It's nice to have someone to hear your fears. I mean, I'm here, but I'm a emet teen who also needs help, so I'm not the best person to help you.

You are progreding a lot, Em! Weak and pathetic people are the ones who hide their fears. After the rota I had in May I told all my friends I was emet. I didn't use this term, I was like "I prefer dying instead of v*" and when I had a crisis on school break all them helped me before a Math test. I did the test and after all, I was ok. I'm not ashamed of my fear - I fear something that is bad for everyone, instead of spiders or dogs.

I take medications, YES. My close friends know that and yeeah, they think I'm a little crazy but that was before they knew.

Oh, we can share that. I still have many years to think about children, and I just had a talk with my mom about it - she told me she v* a lot while I was borning (medication) and she dealed with baby v*. She still had my brother three years later, and that time, didn't v*. She told me that having children is the most amazing thing in the world.

You can always talk to me. If you can't find a forum here, PM me. I totally get you. And you are welcome.

[LittleFlo]

Hey Ana, thanks so much for sharing your story. One of the hardest things about emetophobia is feeling isolated in it, and it is a great comfort to know I am not alone. I think when it comes to other people understanding, I have to accept that because they don't have this fear it is harder for them to say or do the right things to help and comfort me. But of course the people that matter understand at the very least that this phobia is very real to me - as you said, just like having a fear of spiders - and although part of me knows it is irrational, it doesn't alleviate my distress when I have a crisis as much as I try to tell myself nothing bad will happen if I v*. Those people that matter will try to support me and I must focus on the fact they care enough about me to try to understand. My boyfriend saw me at my worst on Monday when he was ill - I felt very selfish as I couldn't look after him like I wanted to if he'd say, had a simple head cold. But in a way him seeing me so distressed made me feel like I didn't have to try to hide my feelings from him. Last night (he's better now by the way) we talked about my phobia more and the trauma of my teen years, and how this phobia had caused an eating disorder. He was very unjudgemental and that meant alot, and he said he didn't mind at all I couldn't look after him when he was ill, and that in fact he was just more worried about the state I was in - which was very sweet of him to say.

I also am feeling tonnes better physically now I have antibiotics in my system - though as I said before I am battling a little nausea from the antibiotics (to the point where I wanted to stop taking them this evening) but then if I do and allow the infection in my kidneys to develop I am more likely to v* than from taking antibiotics so I am trying to be strong

I am also always available to chat or be PMd if you ever need support. I owe you one

Emily