Anyone afraid of driving or being in a car?

[andySIW]

I posted something about this before (my first thread) but got no responses so thought I'd try again.

My symptoms got pretty mild for about 8 years and then have recently came back with a vengeance.

My new corner of the emet market is that I fear cars because, when generally nauseous I tend to feel like I can do many things to ride it out, but when driving, especially on the kind of multi lane road that you have to wait for an exit before you can legally pull over, I feel incredibly stuck. Just sat there trying to drive while the huge dark cloud of panic descends.

Further to this, I am not so bad when I'm by myself. So so with occasional panics when the wife is in the car with me, but with anyone else in the car the panics/nausea are right in my face immediately. This is to the point where I'm having to offend friends and family by telling them (imagine how ridiculous this sounds) I get panic attacks when giving people rides!

So I also wonder about the 'being seen' element. How common is it to have fears associated with being seen or not being able to vom alone (even though I haven't in over 20 years for God sake). I feel like a desperate panic/claustrophobia around being stuck anywhere with people in case I feel ill and they then see me. Ironically, this brings on massive nausea/panic cycles.

Thoughts?

[out_of_order]

I think what you're experiencing is very common because this phobia turns us into control freaks. While I don't have a problem driving and, in fact, I feel better if I'm in a car, ALONE, if anyone else is in the car, that's when I feel trapped and anxious. And I have a really difficult time being a passenger in a car, especially the back seat because then I REALLY feel trapped and not in control at all. The thought of vomiting in public, or in front of someone else anywhere, is my worst fear..... even though doing it alone in my own home wouldn't be much better but at least I wouldn't have an audience.

[andySIW]

Really? you feel trapped and axious if YOU are driving and there's other people in the car? Coz that's where I'm at and I would love to know if it's common to help normalise the process. I can hardly drive without some kind of battle now. Again, not so bad if it's just me, fairly bad if it's me and my wife (I say that because she's closest to me and very supportive) but impossible with anyone else. Note that I was 100% fine a year ago after about a decade of driving folk around.

Anyone else relate? I'd love to hear from you.

[cwilschke]

I had a panic attack the other night on the way home in a van full of children. One said he felt n*, and needless to say, the next half and hour was the longest half an hour of my life. I literally started scrambling against my boyfriend who was sitting next to me, I was trying to get out of the car or something...I was screaming "I can't do this, I can't do this!" and I ended up just curling up on the seat, my head in his lap. I closed my eyes and covered my ears so tightly that I really hurt my arm. My boyfriend comforted me the whole way home; I feel like having a supporter with is the first step to making travel a little easier. I felt especially awful for scaring the little children who were with me, and even the boy who felt n* kept on saying he was sorry (or as I was told...I had my ears so tightly covered that I couldn't hear a thing!). I was a complete mess, it was so embarrassing, especially in that the boy who felt n* never actually v*. Once we got out of the car, everyone was very supportive of me, and the mother who was driving gave me a big hug and said she felt so sorry for me. The whole thing was so embarrassing! I feel like bringing an iPod or some distraction for the noise would be a huge help; I seemed to really calm down once I got wrapped up in my noiseless world. I'm not sure how well it would work if you are the one driving, maybe an iPod would still work in that case, or if pulling over is an option that might be best. Cars are scary, but maybe with the right distractions we can beat them!

[claudann]

Yes, I have a terrible fear of having to v* while driving. If I feel off in the stomach and I have to drive, especially on the interstate, then I'm terrified. Awful thing is that I have to drive 30 miles on the interstate both ways everyday to and from work. Most of the time I'm fine. But when I'm not, it is sheer torture.

[andySIW]

Wow, it's fascinating to hear that other people have a fear of driving. Can you believe I went about 15 years without even considering such a thing (driving) as scary and then it just hit me. Once the 'what if' demon finds a new game to play, you will struggle to go back to how things were. Like you say, big long roads are hard.

Gosh, the thing in the van sounds horrendous. I do know the 'van full of children' thing though. My story was being in Florida when I was about 11. We drive to tampa - me, dad, dad's friend, dad's friend's kid of about 7/8 years old. The whole time I'm watching that kid, not knowing what he's gonna do. So he goes quiet, right? I get suspicious. Then he tells his dad he feels unwell.... well, I freaKED. And like you, curled into a ball and started basically speaking in tongues as he was sat leaning out of the window on his dad's knee. He was most confused by my reaction.

I don't think I'm quite as bad in that respect now. But we have to be SO careful about not messing kid's up by our reactions. See, my phobia started when I was about 5/6 and some kid in the playground threw up. I had never seen anyone do that before (which in itself is odd having been alive for 5/6 years). So I didn't know what it was. And these girls started freaking out nearby shouting "dont go near him! everyone get away!!" Years later I saw a documentary which illustrated how children pick up fear queues from adults - they literally look at an adult's face to see if something new is 'ok' or not. A lot of spider phobias are born this way.

I'd love to hear more of people's car thing so I can help understand myself. I really want to study the root of this fear. Do people find that nausea just HITS them out of nowhere?

[beezus]

Yes. I'm 31 years old and still have a learner's permit because of this! It's an ongoing phobia... my driving is fine, I just suffer anxiety attacks. There is always the fear that my kids'll upchuck in the car, or we'll wreck, something catastrophic like that. Surely doesn't help that my husband died in a wreck in '08. Single car wreck, lost a fight with a guardrail. Not sure if I will ever be able to take the driving test and get my license.

[sunnyskies]

I know the feeling! While I don't particularly like it, I have sort of gotten over being afraid of riding in cars. I feel carsick sometimes but for the most part, it's way easier for me than to be behind the wheel and feel that way, or be driving and get the "what if I v*??" thoughts and start panicking. That's the alternative to riding with people and it's much, much worse I think.

I don't trust myself driving much these days. I go in stages of improvement and being in no position to drive. I have always had general nerves and anxiety about stuff, but emet is the sole reason for my driving paranoia. It's very difficult to cope with.

[andySIW]

I'm so sorry to hear that beezus. That must be incredibly hard.

My wife said something interesting in an email today "it's an interesting paradox because the panic comes because you aren't in total control (can't get out or stop the car the second you want to), but the element of control is actually completely lost because IT is controlling YOU. the mechanism that has developed out of your desire for control is actually making you a prisoner."

So I think the greatest control we can have is no control at all. To let go of control.

Now it's about trying to employ 'undo' mechanisms to get us our lives back.

[Applejack]

Cars can be my worst nightmare. More when I'm giving others a ride, in case they v* in my car.
I've had a friend do that before, we were going dancing and she'd had a few drinks. Not many though and I'd driven her many times before. She sat in the back of my three door car and I had to run off once I had stopped the car. She managed to get most of it out of the car but not all. That was not fun. I still had to drive her home stopping every 5 minutes for her to v*.
Since then I've been seriously nervous about driving people around.

I suck at traveling with children. Especially a friend of mines daughter who likes to complain of being *n almost as soon as we get in the car. I try and ignore it so I don't panic in front of her, she's only 5 and i would hate to upset her. Kids are just so unpredictable sometimes where being *s is concerned. Ya'know?

I do sometimes get random *n when driving, I try and open tje window to get some fresh air and chew gum or rennies.

[andySIW]

Damn that sucks to have experienced that. I don't really mind driving people because I've never had anyone feel unwell as a passenger. But I just have this stupid feeling of claustrophobia (which I think may be a root cause of emetophobia) when I feel like I can't pull over immediately. So I'm working on that.

Children are quite unpredictable aren't they. Maybe best thing is to brief them in the car and say, if anyone feels even a little unwell, then they have to tell and we'll stop straight away. But if anyone is susceptible (like your friend's daughter) you could just refuse to take her in the car unless you would rather challenge yourself.

It's funny how we have these random methods (gum, rennies) which don't actually do anything other than placebo. We may as well use our mind AS the placebo, or try to. Although cold water is brilliant. I can usually cure nausea with cold air, almost 100% of the time. Colder the better.

[bexcelica]

I defintiely have this phobia of driving. And unfortunately, I commute an hour to and from work.. My fear stems from the fact that when I dry heave before v*, i have passed out due to my vegus nerve. So, I am terrified if i feel n* i will gag in the car and pass out and go off the road and die. lol.
I got a sv* or something a couple years ago, and on my way home the n* took over and i knew i was going to v*. I started gagging while driving and had to pull over. I didnt pass out, which made me feel better, but its scary. I dont like to drive on roads without a shoulder, just in case I do have to v*.

[jennjt]

I definitely get panicky when I'm in the car. Like a lot of people have mentioned, it's better for me if I'm alone AND it's worse on the interstate. There's one stretch of interstate that I travel a few times a month, and I have had 3 very bad panic attacks during that drive. I hate having people in my car, and it's difficult because my best friend is car-less at the moment, meaning she's with me a lot. I roll down the windows, blast the AC on high, and call my husband to "talk me down" if I'm driving alone. It really scares me, though, because I shake ucontrollably when im having a full fledged panic attack, and I can't even push the gas or brakes!

[andySIW]

Wow, lots of people getting this. Again, I honestly thought I was the only one. Anyone ever get this scenario (I get it all the time)... so you're driving and you feel a panic attack on so the window is your friend... you roll it way down trying to half drive, half climb out of it and your passenger (a woman with a vulnerable hair do) is like "umm, could you wind that window up." as their hair is being buffetted. So annoying.

Oh, here's a question! Anyone thought of getting a convertable!?