Introducing myself

[kate16]

Hi, I'm Kate.

I'm new to this, so I thought I'd share a bit about myself. I am married with two children, aged 7 and 4. I have never liked or been okay with v*, but I got through it and fortunately, haven't had to do it very often. It's been over 20 years since the last time, and that was a hangover!
I didn't really think about it too much unless I was n*. I took medication through both pregnancies, but at the time I shrugged it off as "I really don't like to be sick."
Then my son became ill and v* when he was about 2. I did what I had to for him, and then went away, hid, and had a panic attack. Parents will know, it's often a hot topic of discussion at pre-school, what's going around, who's got it, etc.
When my son was 4 and my daughter was 1, we were visiting my in-laws when he got sick again. I remember panicking and feeling trapped; I was sharing a room with my daughter. My son had drank from my cup earlier in the day. I got so anxious, I went to the local hospital and got Ativan.
My phobia has grown into a daily obsession. Will today be the day? Will he/she/they get sick? Then I'll likely catch it and that would be disaster! I watch my children like a hawk. What are they eating? Did they eat enough? Too many sweets? Are they acting normally? Why is he/she so pale? When I think they may become ill ( all the time) I want to run away and hide, but I worry about them when I'm away too. It's to the point that I don't feel comfortable at home; I feel like a failure as a parent. The last time my daughter v*, I called my husband at work and cried until he said he'd come home. Of course, she was fine after that. I slept in our travel trailer in the driveway so I wouldn't be in the house.
It all comes down to them being sick and needing me, and then I will inevitably get it too. Whenever I get close to v* I panic, pace, cry and fight it off however I can. Which is worse I'm sure than just getting it over with. But I can't do it.
I'm so frustrated by this, it's robbing me of my life. I love my children, but I'm afraid of them. My husband is supportive, but he gets frustrated with me too, when I have to ask him to take over while I hide.
Here comes the ironic part. For the last 15 years I have worked as a paramedic. You can imagine the reaction I get when I refer to my 'problem' to a colleague.... It's different somehow, in the ambulance, I can usually handle it. But I have spent the last several years in the dispatch center and though I love being a paramedic, I'm afraid that this will keep me in dispatch because I'm too afraid I'll get sick from a patient.
I've wondered if that's part of my problem; I see some very sick people - they're not just v*. Maybe it's skewed my perspective on illness? All I know, is that it is ruining my life! I'm on constant high alert.
It saddens me to admit that I'm looking forward to my kids being old enough that they can do it without me. I can help them through it, but then I go away and panic, stop eating, and generally feel sick and lousy for days. It's important to me too, that I don't pass this on to them - I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Anyways, that's me. I'm trying to be positive and hopeful that I can get some relief from this and enjoy my life and my kids while they grow up. Just thought I'd throw it out there and see if anyone had suggestions or common threads. Thank you for reading.

Kate

[AJ Lee]

hi! please dont feel like a horrible parent i bet most emetophobic moms tend to run away as its our fear. i run from my son mostly because i dont want him to see me panic and then get scared himself. i dont want him getting my phobia. its always good to have supportive family around you that you can call when something comes up like that. one day your kids will understand by explaining to them your fear as most everyone has fears. if it helps i wear a mask and gloves when dealing with my son v* and wash my hands like crazy and just disinfect everything like mad. take it one step at a time and dont push yourself to far in a situation make sure your babies are ok and then make sure you are ok. but dont ever feel like a crappy parent, we cant control this. welcome to the group i am new here to and pregnant with my 2nd so i am having a rough time myself. you can message me anytime if you need to talk

[kate16]

Thank you, AJ. Poor kids, I practically harass them - constantly asking if they feel okay. I hope you have an easy pregnancy. Please feel free to message me as well.

[worrier dad]

Nice to meet you Kate, I think I'm one of the few males here and Ive been trying lately to e a little more active on the site. I'm trying to give back to some here what they have always graciously given to me in my time of need. The people of this forum rock, they are always someone her me to help make ya feel better.

[Bezza1992]

Hi kate ,
I am Samantha (sam for short)

I can relate to everything you have said so please do not hesitate to email me if you would like to chat , it's always good to speak to people that can actually relate to how you're feeling and what you are going through.

[email protected]

Best wishes,

Sam
xx

[kristie b]

Hi Kate, and all who replied to her message! I can relate to everything that you all have said. I feel as though I have some type of radar that nobody else has regarding my kids (and sometimes other kids) and them getting sick - and I don't mean coughs and colds! I constantly wonder if today or tonight will be it as well and I have lost sleep and sanity because of it. My girls are almost 11 and 7 years old and it does get easier as they get older but I also find myself wanting them to get older, which I feel guilty for. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one, but would love to be able to find people who would be willing to meet in a group setting to share stories. Having this forum is great though - unjust joined.

[kristie b]

Sorry for the typo above. I meant to say that I just joined :-)

[kate16]

Hi Kristie.

I get it. Completely. I still hover over my 7 year old, but he's pretty cavalier about it so it's definately easier. Sometimes I catch myself doing the math... She's 4, so probably 6 more years until they can do it without me... It's awful!
We could certainly catch up in chat, depending on where you are - I am a shift worker. Please feel free to message me as well if you want/need a chat. Thankfully it would seem we're in this together.

[kristie b]

I do the same thing Kate.....I count the years until they probably wont need my help in this way. I was recently looking at pictures of them when they were very little, found myself missing them at that stage, but of course my brain went to that horrible place of reminding me that they get sick more when younger and often more episodes of v* occurs. It is ridiculous! I really just thought I was one of the only people on earth like this. Kate - have you found anything that has helped? Or anyone reading this? I'm considering anxiety meds especially since school will be starting soon and more sicknesses seem to pop up.

[kate16]

Kristie, I haven't found the answer yet. I'm working through the Emetophbia Recovery system & I've begun working with a counsellor. I'm trying to be better at taking time out for myself to relax. Anti-anxiety meds are good in a pinch and for the short term. Personally, I use a product called GABA-ease. It's natural & I find it really helps with anxiety without the side effects. Mostly, I just try to remember that they need me and I have a responsibility to be there for them. It helps too, to think of it like: he's 7. He's v* an average of once a year in his life. He didnt the other 364 days, so odds are very good that he won't tonight. It's about the same for my girl. It's not much, but looking at it like one horrible day in 365 makes it a bit easier. It's good to have a strong support system in friend & family. I don't know if any of this helps - but hang in there!

[kristie b]

Thanks Kate. I will look at the GABA -ease since I like the idea of natural supplements. I've taken some myself and have a great store in the area where i live that sells herbal and natural products. Since I am a counselor I feel like I should be able to help myself more. While I do have many tools for decreasing anxiety, I don't put them to work as I should. It sounds like you are working hard at getting this under control - that is great! I like to also look at the big picture as you suggested.....out of 365days of the year, maybe one or two episodes occur. That's a good way to look at it. When I joined this site I also read the intro and information about this phobia and found it very helpful. I find the information about how the brain processes fears and phobiavery interesting - it helps to make sense of it. I think we have a lot in common :-)