So much better!!!

[clarync8]

Hi! I used to come on this forum all the time years ago, when I was in high school and my phobia was really bad. I'm now twenty and going to be a junior in college. It was really bad, I could barely eat things, I had horrible panic attacks on almost a daily basis, I had severe insomnia because if I felt even slight n* I couldn't sleep; I felt like I was literally constantly afraid and it's all I could think about. I had never v*ed before and I supposed that's why I was so afraid of it, I had no clue what it felt like and it didn't look pleasant, obviously. Now it's so much better, and I rarely have panic attacks. I just wanted to share my story, even though it may not help anyone since it doesn't really provide a clear answer to why I feel better, but I know when I was really suffering success stories helped me

It started when I went to college and moved into the dorms. I was terrified of this because of the close proximity with people and people v* from drinking, and all that. Turns out it was just what I needed; I became friends with everyone in my dorm fast and was always with someone or doing something, whether it was studying or hanging out. After a few weeks I realized I had barely even thought of my fear. I don't know if it's because I was happier (not that I was depressed or sad in high school, I just had more fun in the dorms) or just busier, but it actually went away pretty much completely. My mom brought up my fear after I was there for about 6 months, and I had to go "Oh that's right I forgot!" I even started drinking which I had been terrified of previously. It started with really small amounts and then moved up till one night I drank too much, and it happened for the first time ever that I can remember. One thing that almost kind of scared me was how much I did not care at all. I wasn't incredibly drunk, I had just drank too fast I think. Everything started spinning and I knew it was going to happen, so I just went into the bathroom and did it. My friend even came to check on me and I laughed about it. I've v* from drinking on a few occasions since. But I've never done it sober and I'm still very afraid of that happening. It's a little frightening how much alcohol takes away my fear, but I highly doubt I'd become an alcoholic haha It was just that its not that it just dulls it, but I completely could not care any less about v*ing. It was like coughing or sneezing, when sober the thought of v* sounds absolutely horrifying.

Since moving out of the dorms and into a new place a little over a year ago (with nice roommates but not super close friends) it's gotten a little worse, but not by much. I have a few panic attacks every now and then but nothing like it used to be. I function quite fine unlike before. It might come back full-blown someday or it might be gone forever, I don't know, and I'm not entirely sure why I'm better. But it's virtually gone now, and when I never thought that to be possible at all before, its amazing.

[herbal]

that's great! as someone who is moving across the country to college in about a week i really appreciate this post

[Jimmy2e]

Congrats I hope I can find myself where you are some day!

[transcend6887]

I had an experience when I was 22. I was drinking at Fantasy Fest (a huge drinking event in Key West Fl) and I had wayyyy too much which is really unlike me. I ended up getting sick without any real conscious recollection of it happening. Afterwards i was terrified it would happen again (after sobering up) but I know that if I was conscious I wouldn't have let myself get sick. It's interesting how the body always knows what it needs. I need to remember that