I left this site for over 1 year, and I self cured myself...
I am an old member, I joined when I was at my worse.. My body was my worse enemey, every sensation that came from my stomach was a anxiety trigger, every thing I ate, did, done and tried, everywhere I went, could potentially put me a risk of being sick. I wouldnt leave my house for weeks, friendships and relationships were completely ruined and remain ruined.. Things became so bad I had to leave the site as for me it was fuelling my phobia.
I can't remember how exactly I self cured myself, but I remember slowly not being afraid of not washing my hands after touching a door, then eating a sandwich, purely because I couldnt be bothered with the hassle of it, at the time a few people around me caught stomach bugs, my ex-boyfriends sister caught the bug on christmas day, now usually that would have terrified me, but I was fine with it, I went round their house and come back perfectly fine. I delt with a very drunk boyfriend (at the time) rubbing his back while he was sick ECT.. & slowly but surely I became expose more and more to the big V*. My mind was telling me to be scared, I knew it was so wrong not to wash my hands, but nothing ever came of it. I was perfectly fine, eventually I didnt wash my hands half as much as I would have, I noticed my anxiety had slowly dissapeared... The more my anxiety went, the better I felt.
I studied my body, I've learnt to listen to my body, its my body its not allowed to be controlled by anxitey. If I had a slight tummy cramp that last 10-30 seconds, it was probably nothing other than wind, or if I do happen to feel sick I taught myself area's of nausea and whats triggered them, if nausea was is my throat its anxiety, if its in my stomach chances are my bodies hungry, I usually have to seriously concentrate I'd shut my eyes and listen to my body, feeling and sensations are your bodies ways of giving you signs and signals and I was confusing them with anxiety, and the thought of potentially being sick.
Time passed by, my anxiety and my fear of V* had almost dissapeared, but my 2 and a half year relationship and completely crumbled, it was beyond repair, from all the troubles my phobia had caused it, I relied to much on Harry, he became my life, he took away my anxiety, but I leant on him so much I also pushed him away, his troubles got ignored to look out for mine, it ruined everything. We are now sepearated, though we are now back in contact, and hoping to start seeing each other again. My phobia had dented our relationship, and it may never rekindle.
THE DAY COME, my day had finally come, the day I had dreaded all my life, the day I caught the stomach bug. Where I had caught it from is still unknown for certain either a resturant or a shopping centre. Either way, this was it..
I'd been to a club the night before, throughout the night I'd have a stomach crap that lasted around 20 seconds, every 15 minuets say.. It wasnt continuious, I felt fine.. I drank alcohol, I had an awesome night! The following morning, I woke up feeling so tired! I wasnt very hungry but I picked up a bag of crisps and a cup of tea.. Almost instantly after eating I felt sick. It wasnt a very strong nausea, just a icky horrible sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I felt so rough, I didnt feel myself.. But I just put that down to being out the following night. Now for reasons you'd all understand I drink very little when I go out, I had 1 or 2 archers and lemonade. No way could I have been hung over.. I went down to Harry's my ex-boyfriends place and I sat around with his mum and his little sister. I started feeling really rough, no stomach cramps just really rough and the nausea contined. So I went and sat up stairs quietly. Then the D* began! The worst part about the whole thing! There was no way of stopping it! I rang my mum instantly afer my first bout.
Once I was home I had a few more bouts of D* then the V*ing began, I was sick about 8 times. But where I hadnt eaten much I didnt really bring up much... But more importantly....
IT WASNT THAT BAD!
What shocked me more than anything, I'd spent sooooo many years worrying, dwelling on this bug and it was not worth it! It was a breeze in consideration to what we put ourselves through daily, I asserted my mind and I HAD to accept the fact that this was going to happen I had no choice but to let it ride out. Where as, when we have anxiety worrying either we'll be sick or not... You DONT know, and that's where the fear originates... THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN! Most of us havent been sick in years, and we've forgotten what its like. But I knew I'd have to let this bug take its course, and I had NO choice in the matter. I recovered in 2 days and I was back to normal.
Now I wont catch a bug for another 6 years, maybe even more!! But even if I did catch it again.... I wont fear it, I'll endure it and I'll deal with it, then I'll recover from it.
There hath no temptation
taken you but such as is common
to man: but God is faithful, who
will not suffer you to be tempted
above that ye are able; but will
with the temptation also make a
way to escape, that ye may be able
to bear it. - 1 Corinthians 10:13
This verse was my drive, my belief... Read it, over and over and work out what your body may be tempted to do, and what YOU can do.
I am now completely CURED!
I have never felt better, I am happier, stronger, and I have achieved something I thought I'd never ever achieve.
I am now a part-time glamour model, I work at a well known jewellers, I plan to head to London to work with precious metals and diamonds. I adore my job, I love my body and I love other people.. I used to try and read people, find out why they look pale, why isnt he drinking his drink, when did she have a bug, that kid could have been sick last night and now he's in my shop.. Now I dont even think about that ever!
I want to remind you all, do not let your anxiety control YOU, be in control of YOUR body, learn and love your body, study sensations, dont fear them, listen to your body, keep a healthy diet, go out try new things, go to new places, do something that scares you, stop fearing and have fun, allow yourself to relax, don't over analyise situations, surround yourself with friends and family and the people who love you the most, listen to them, learn from them, look up to them, reward yourself, dont forget yourself, never think about the past, dont try and control the future, let things flow, allow yourself to be happy, go out every day for a walk get plenty of fresh air, eat 3 meals a day, remember when you have bad days to keep in mind that everything ends, even the bad things, everything comes to an end... and this means you can have your fairy tale ending, you can say goodbye to emetophobia.
Please feel free to message me any of you, any time you need anything.. Here is my email address [email protected] any questions, anything you'd want to ask me, please do.
Every single one of you, will beat this. I am proof, I proved this to myself! I am so proud of myself.
Lorna xx
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