Kind of "cured" for a while, but now it's back and even worse

[rhinoseri]

Hi everyone,

I joined this site when I was in 7th grade -- now I'm a senior in college. I checked, last time I posted was in 2007, and my post was titled "Cured?" For whatever reason, in high school I was mostly free of daily anxiety associated with emetophobia. If I saw someone being sick I'd look away and cover my ears and I would panic if a family member got a sv, but I didn't walk around all day wondering if that doorknob I just touched was infected. Unfortunately, half way through my freshman year of college, emetophobia came back in full force. One girl on my hall got terribly sick and ended up being transported to the hospital in the middle of the night. I started having these awful spells that would usually begin at night and more often would last through the night but sometimes for up to 48 hours. I'd feel extremely sick, shake uncontrollably, and lay in the same curled position for so long that my hips would cramp. I saw the doctor and a GI specialist, but they couldn't find anything wrong. At the end of that semester I caught a sv for the first time in 8 years. After that my constant sick feeling went away, but I still worried a lot. I didn't have many nighttime episodes my sophomore year, but in my junior year they came back during the second semester. I never saw a doctor the second time around because I assumed they were linked to anxiety instead of a stomach problem. Again, come summer time things cleared up and while anxiety has been high at times, I haven't been feeling as sick.

I'm discouraged by this regression and I don't really know what to do at this point. Another source of concern is the fact that I want to become an elementary school teacher, but I just don't know if I could deal with the constant threat of catching something from the kids. I volunteer at three elementary schools which I love, but it probably fuels some of my school year calendar anxiety. I tell myself I'm building immunity, but in reality I will never trust my immune system to that degree. I've worked at a sleep-away summer camp for the past five summers and whenever a camper gets sick to her stomach, it's all I can think/worry about. I'm also stuck between giving into my weird compulsions (excessive hand washing, not touching anything that goes into my mouth, avoiding doorknobs, etc) and just trying to forget about it. I know that the latter is better in the long run... it takes so much effort and thought to maintain my precautionary habits, but in the moment they make me feel safer.

I should also add that my boss (did I mention I'm an RA? yep, those weekend duty nights are terrifying) made me go to the counseling center at school last year. I went a few times, but could hardly even talk about it to the counselor.. so no progress was made. She gave me some deep breathing relaxation tips but those don't mean anything when I'm in a wild panic - or really anytime, because deep breathing isn't going to make me stop obsessing about this. The option of medication was brought up, but it's something I'd like to avoid. Anyway, I'm sorry this post is long. I don't think I'll be posting regularly because I found that it used to fuel the obsession, but I needed somewhere to go right now. Has anyone ever experienced this sort of decline after a long period of doing pretty well? I just don't know where to go from here!

[beckstar5091]

I have a pretty similar story to yours. Had fun reading your post because I could sooooo relate! I joined this site in 2006, I think, and lurked a little but never posted. I came back and found it tonight, because I was feeling panicked out of control, and this was the best thing I could think to do at 2:00am to address it. I've had this phobia since I was a small child, and it's always fluctuated in severity for me over different periods of time, but I went through a really great period after I had a baby in 2010. I was so very sick throughout my pregnancy, I really can't even believe I survived it. Getting pregnant was always a huge fear of mine, for obvious reasons, and I felt awesome for conquering a really tough pregnancy.

I had a slight period of Post Partum Depression, so I started taking Zoloft. I breast-fed for 17 months, (weaned off the Zoloft after about 4 months), and felt awesome the entire time. I had no problem with newborn v*, didn't fear mysely v*ing, totally thought I'd finally been "cured." I was so relieved.

In March I stopped breastfeeding, and the hormonal shift was really hard on me. It made me anxious and n*. Then, about 2 weeks after weaning my son, I got food poisoning at a group dinner where everyone got sick. My husband and sister also had it. They v*ed- I didn't, but I almost did. I was so thoroughly panicked about our toddler getting it, but he didn't, miraculously.

That experience, on top of the issues I was having with weaning, threw me into a complete tailspin. For 2 months I was convinced I had a lingering stomach bug. I was n*, dizzy, and just generally felt like crap every day. I went to the dr., did stool samples, had blood tests, and was finally diagnosed with IBS caused by anxiety. Basically, I was making myself sick. I got prescribed Zoloft, took the first dose on an empty stomach (stupidly), got terribly nauseous in a work meeting, stopped taking Zoloft, and had a prolonged, mild, panic attack for several days. I didn't eat for 3 days and ended up dehydrated and in urgent care. This was a new low for me.

I am starting to get better following my massive breakdown, but I still feel like this is the worst it's ever been. I'm so discouraged that it's returned after such a nice period of reprieve.

One word of advice from a slightly older emetophobe ;-) Do be careful about the profession you choose. I worked as a case manager for adults with psychiatric disabilities just out of college, which meant interacting frequently with people who were drunk, on drugs, chronically ill, etc. It gave me major anxiety to be around such an unpredictable population all the time, and I found that my phobia worsened during those years. I realized that I do need to be careful about where I work, because my level of emet-related anxiety on a daily basis has a huge impact on how relaxed and happy I am generally.

That said, I hope you are able to conquer your phobia once again and find a way to make it all work for you. Teachers are the best. My mom is a teacher :-)

[wanted]

i had similar situation.
My phobia was better before last summer when i was with my family at sea where my brother was sick..well, i wasn't cured before that, i was afraid of traveling and i didn't like winter cause of viruses and a checked date experience (not so often as now), but now is much worse,i know i can get sick in the summer or anytime..the worse was a few months since my brother was sick..but now i'm ok, at that time i wouldn't go in a living room cause i was afraid my parents or my brother might be sick (in the period when they aren't showing simptoms but are contagious). And when i was with them,i always looked at them and found some simpoms like if they wouldn't eat,would be cold..i always looked at the mirror and checked if i was palid or someone else was palid. I always asked people if they are ok. Now i go to living room often as it's holidays and i often go in my brother's room cause the computer is there,but when school starts i won't go on computer and i don't like to go in his room if it's not necessary.
And i hate when just one situation like that can do this to us!