*Bonjour, Mon Ami* ;-)

[sunshine16]

Well, well, well, here I am once again.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]



And in the the infamous words of many singers, I'm torn into pieces. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]



Can't deny it, can't pretend.



Let's start with the basics.

I'm sick.

Again.

Bah Hum bug.

Alright, well its not a stomach sickness. But it affects it. I have a
cold, or what I think it one. My throat is killing me and my head is
throbing. My body feels torn. Bleh >.< Last night I seriously
thought I was either going mental or going to v*. Didn't, still at
points feel this way. Add to a crap load of homework and you've got
yourself a pleasent Victoria Day Weekend.

And well, mentally, I am not all that strong as well.

It pains me to confess this, but I have gotten into unkind behavious,
such as suicide thoughts and cutting. It started the begginning of the
week. Christine, Megan, and Jill were bullying me again (the ones who
put me through an ordeal before) and I felt litterally useless. I
stormed up to the bathroom and took a razor, and slashed myself 14
times.

I called Heather.

We were both crying, me hiding in my closest.

She made me tell my Mom.

I still can't stop. And I can't tell anyone either.

But the thing is...

I almost WANT to be put into a boarding mental hospital.

Because even now, that's the only place that I feel safe. Because now, I feel like my own worst enemy.

Please don't judge me from this..

This is not the me I know.

I don't think this is who I am.

...Then who am I?</font>


Edited by: sunshine16

[discochic90]

Laura,


I'm so very sorry you are feeling this way. I have been there myself with bullys as well as dealing with depression. Have you ever been taken any meds for this? Forgive me as this my first time writting you. When you told you mom what did she say?? Is there a place near you that you can get help? I will tell you this...You are not worthless...you are not anything those girls are saying to you. They are the ones who feel crappy enough about themselves that they have to take out on someone. I am so sorry I have been in your shoes and it really sucks. But you WILL be ok. But please try not cut ok? Please IM me anytime if want to talk...anytime......Rogsgrrl88 on AIM and [email protected] on MSN. My email is [email protected]. Please feel free to contact ANYTIME. Be Strong ok? You are not worthless sweety.........Hugs, Kristin

[harmonygirl72]

Laura,


Oh, sweetie! I have been trying to IM you on MSN but you never reply! I want to help if I can IM me sometime!


Mary

[Babydoll]

... Just thought u were the one


broke up,deep inside, and you wont get thetears i hide


behind these hazel eyes ..





haha thats my fav song, and i adore kelly clarkson.





i hope u feel better!

[terified girl]

Laura, sweetie, I am sorry you are experiencing such a rough time right now, but I'm sure it will pass. I think we all go through something like you are but in different ways. I haven't been eating for a week, and its depressed the hell out of me because my emet came out so much worse, and the things I was doing every day without problems are now big problems, and I am freaking out.


For you, those girls ruined your day and made you feel like you are a worthless person, I understand that, emet alone does that to me everytime I suffer from it, but you gotta look past it, and realize that these girls are not your friends and they are trying to hurt you because of it.


You are NOT a worthless person. You are someone very special and very important in this life. We all have a reason for being here, and there is no one other person who can replace us, and when you break us down, you find that we all have a unique and special something about all of us.


Laura, talking is the best medicine, so keep talking to us please. The more you talk and the more you let out, you will start to feel better, but you just gotta take away the negative thoughts that those girls put into your head. They are in your life to make you stronger by testing you, this is what they are doing. Testing you to see how far they can go with their words. Don't let them get you. Ignore them, and watch them go away. The more you are affected by their words, the more they want to keep pumping you. So next time they say something, turn around and tell them, I'm sorry you've been wasting your breath because I really don't give a hoot what you say to me. Have a good day!


I swear you will leave them with anger on they're faces and probably for a while they will still bug you, but eventually they will give up because they see they have no more effect on you.


I hope I've helped and not just rambled on, but we are here for you!


Sonia[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[terified girl]

hey laura, please let us know you are ok sweetie?


Please

[terified girl]

I am going to keep rising this post to the top till Miss Sunshine tells me she's ok....

[sunshine16]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I sincerely appreciate them.

I've found myself busy lately, there is a trip coming up next week, never mind that, I'll post about that later.

It's good to know you all care about me.

I tried to talk to my Mom last night. It was hard. I can't really
describe it. The worst part is, after the talk, I did it again. And I
don't know why. Maybe because I felt guilty. Maybe beacause I hated
myself. I don't know. But she said she would find me help. But I don't
know where to find it.

I tell you one thing, Lila (physc) is ridiculos and a waste of my time.

I need help.

I've checked out a few places.

http://www.wmhc2.com/centreinfo.htm

That's only 45 - 1hr away.

I dont know what to do..

By the way, thanks to all who IM'ed me. Incase you want to, my MSN address is [email protected]

Thanks.

Check in with you later...

*laura

PS: I get 1000 posts and a star soon * [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]</font>

[terified girl]

Glad to hear your ok!

[blood_tears]

*hugs*


if you want to talk i am here for you


msn: [email protected]


i know what it feels like, sickie, SI, fears...


*massive hugs*

[sunshine16]

Thank you, blood tears.