new member, in need of some help/advice/a shoulder

[Sapphmonster]

Hi everyone,
I'm new around here, my name's Sapphy, I'm 21 and from Australia. I don't know if I am an emetophobe or a germophobe or just messed up. I have never found *v a pleasant experience (who has?!?) but I was never 'afraid' of it til the start of this year. There have been huge changes in my personal life this year, with my parents splitting up and finding new partners and my mother moving 3 hours away. I am legally blind and now am living with my twin sister who is in a wheelchair. This year I have had a lot of tummy issues off and on, kinda like a *sv with *v *d *n and virtually no appetite (all such lovely things) these bouts would go on for weeks at a time and I would loose significant amounts of weight and miss large chunks of university. Last week I was diagnosed with IBS and am on medication. During these periods of illness I would get very panicky and anxious and have full on panic attacks, something that I never experienced at all before. I am not usually afraid of getting ill (ie. cold/flu/*sv) in fact, my father is a pharmacist and I work with him as a pharmacy assistant and I also want to study pharmacy next year, so I am often confronted by illness (although when anyone mentions *d *n *v my personal bubble widens significantly) and know how to treat it/manage the symptoms. I think that I have become afraid of *sv/digestive problems because I relate them with failure and loss of control. I am petrified of failing uni and not getting into pharmacy next year and disappointing my dad. So whenever I feel a 'bout' coming on, I start freaking out that I'm going to fail and get really crook (crook=aussie slang for any illness), these panic attacks usually make the problem worse. I have been seeing a lovely therapist about my anxiety and other issues, and I am getting better, just sometimes it feels like its slow going. I am an extrovert but become very needy when crook, sometimes to the point of sleeping with my sister/mother/father just to keep the lonliness and fear away. My sister hates this and often refuses to let me sleep with her, even though she suffers anxiety herself she likes to be alone and shuts everyone out. I often think that she is an emetophobe as well, as she has been terrified of *v since she was a little girl. This could be why she won't come near me with a ten foot barge pole when i am having a 'bout'.
Anyway, I have been having a pretty good week this week, eating, putting on weight that I'd lost in the last bout (I'd lost 10kg/22lb since may). UNTIL DUNDUNDUN
my sister Lauren went to work with my dad on thrusday, and they both came down with a *sv on friday (last) night. She *v'd all over the sheets and was very distressed. I wanted to run a mile and get the glen 20 and a clean oxygen supply but I thought I'd show her that I was a good sister so I stripped her sheets and set her up in the spare room with a bucket, her bear, a blanket, some water, my rescue remedy (don't know if you guys have this in the US/UK but its great for panic and stress) needless to say,she can keep my rescue remedy and her germs.
She was freaking out and wanted me to ring dad, so I did and he told me to give her half a maxolon (metaclopremide is the drug name). I did cos I'm a good sister. Dad texted back 10mins later saying that he had just been *v and they must have the same thing. Well this really freaked me out because this IT'S CONTAGIOUS!!!!!!!!!!! I immediately got the glen 20 and started spraying like a madwoman, this is very unusual for me as I am normally not so OCD. I was terrified that I would get it and go downhill and become even more underweight and miss more uni. Anyway, last night I freaked out till 1:30 then took a valium and tried to calm down after ferreting through the garage to find another bucket incase I got the plague. Before I went to bed I was freaking out because I wanted to take the valium to calm down, but I didn't want to be completely outta it incase I needed to *v. I spent some time on this site last night and listened some of the meditation/hypnosis things people have recommended. I finally drifted off to sleep at around 3-3:30am. Lauren is better today (no more *v since last night) but she says she feels like she's been hit by a truck with lots of aches and chills. Dad came around after work and said he was still feeling seedy, he gave me a new bottle of rescue remedy ... but then he was all don't freak out, but you'll probably get it, have your bucket ready. and I was like FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFF-------------------************************KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. So today I've been trying to keep busy and do constructive things without being too OCD, I spent a good chunk of my day doing washing and hanging it out and watering the garden (outside yay)
So now I'm in a state of semi constant panic interrupted by bouts of tears. I have a really important event on monday (where legally blind/visually impaired people are allowed to drive a dual control car with a driving instructor. We are not legally allowed to drive so this is a pretty big deal) and I have uni on tuesday SO THIS *SV CAN GO STICK IT. My mum is coming up tomorrow, and I will feel alot better when she is here <3
Sorry this is so long! just a few quick questions before I wrap it up

• best disinfectant/antibacterial you guys can recommend? (I'm using glen 20 at the moment, do you reckon that'll do it?)
• can breathing the same air pass these things along?
• Best antiemetic? does it work for *v and *n caused by viruses? I have Maxolon (I think its called reglan in the states) can you please give the drug name (ie maxolon is the brand but metaclopremide is the drug name.)
• do you ever get afraid of eating,incase you'll *v I lived for two weeks on hydralyte and vegemite crackers.

Thats all for now, thanks for reading and know that I am so grateful for any advice and support you have.
Much love,
Sapphy

[daniela]

Hi Sapphy, sorry I missed your post, I'm not online all the time. I am from Aus too - Melbourne, where are you from? Everything you are experiencing is pretty normal for an Emetophobe How are you now - did you manage to stay healthy and beat "it" ?? I really hope so! There is plenty of information on this site about how best to avoid getting an SV. I believe toilets, linen, floors etc need to be cleaned with a solution of bleach - but I don't know the full details - sorry I hope your dual control drive went well - you sound like an amazing young woman! Keep in touch - I would love to know how you are doing
Cheers,
Daniela