I cant do this anymore, whats the point?? sorry ranting abit

[Taryynx]

I just want this phobia to end, i cant take it anymore, not feeling safe in my own thoughts or in my own head kills me. Where is safe anymore? I could potentially v* anywhere at anypoint, no where is safe for me now. I try to stop eating because its so obvious that food= v* v*= me wanting to die. So why do i continue to do it?! School is a nighmare the anxiety is about to break me, every second of my day i havethe constant nausea and feeling that its going to happen, always in theback of my mind. I wake up feeling sick, I go to bed feeling sick and the other24 hours inbetween are me feeling sick too. I HATE IT. Its like my brain isn’t onmy side?! Id give anything to just feel normal for a day, ive forgotten whatthat feels like after 5 years of this phobia on my back… I used to be optimisticabout feeling better and that ‘one day it will all stop’…. It never did, Im stillwaiting for that day. Being 15 and looking at all these people on this websitethat are older than me who have never overcome this phobia just scares me, willI always be like this? I just want this to stop, Im tired, upset angry andhurt to an extent where i just dont want to care aymore. My boyfriend says he understands and has helped me so much but I know he thinks Im mental, he willalways reassure me that everything is going to be okay, but will it? Thethought of throwing up at school has driven me to insanity, everyone will hateme if they saw me v* I know they will…. Im rambling now, I just needed to getthis out I guess, I know help ad treatment is possible, but I guess after countless times ofthinking I will get better by some medication or trick and then finding out I wontand just having everything crashing around me…. I guess I just don’t believe itanymore. I just want someone to tell me that everything will be okay... even when i know it wont be

[Skittles04]

hey, my heads in a pretty similair place right now- not good.
it's scary and it sucks, i'm only a year older than you, and your right its scary to see how many people are still suffering as adults it's like how long do we have to do this for?! will it ever end?
erghh its a horrible phobia, but at the very least, your not alone.
have you tried any therepy? i know it may not cure the phobia, but it might take the edge of it a bit- anything's an improvement.
your boyfriend sounds like a good guy, reassuring you, i've got friends like that it helps sosososso much!

and btw, i know this will be hard for you to accept, but please try and understand that people won't hate you if you v* in front of them. everyone v* at some point, it's just like how people don't hate someone if they sneeze- its just something annoying the body does. trust me, people will NOT hate you if you v*

its so hard, sometimes i just want to go to sleep, wake up when it's over. instead, you have to make compromises to make your life easier, until maybe one day it will all be okay.
PM me if you want to talk xx

[lauren37]

Literally this is exactly how i feel. i have gotten a little better though and i am 15 too and i know exactly what you're going through so please PM me so we can talk if u need someone...and u will be okay!

[wanted]

I understand you. I' 17 and when i was like 10,11, i thought it will dissapear,but of course,i'm rational now and when i read stories by older people,horrible! I feel so alone!

[Grace47]

I have been terrifed of v* ever since I can remember, however, not quite that scared. I have whole seasons where I am not scared at all. Not flu season, but in the summer I am pretty good. Don't be discouraged because there are older people who still have this issue. Maybe many of them are just very embarrassed to even talk about their fear for many years. When I was a teen there was no internet, so if a person was too embarrassed to even admit they had a phobia to their own parents, there was no where to go and no one talk to. There are a lot more resources available now than there were back in the 80s when I was a teenager.

Although, I cannot say I have in any way tackled this particular fear, I was very, very afraid of heights when I was small. Even climbing the stairs to my room was terrifying. I wanted desperately not to be so frightened and maybe go to the second floor of a building with my friends. I developed a strong desire not to be afraid of heights. I forced myself into situations where I was very uncomfortable until I was not so afraid. Although, I am not planning on going skydiving, I can go wherever I want and do the things I want to do without freezing up and hyperventillating because I may have to climb an open staircase. I still get a twinge of fear every now and then, but it's nothing like it was before.

Perhaps if I had attacked this fear with the determination and buring desire to change, I could have conquered this one, too, but I was ashamed and embarrassed. People won't hate you if they see you v*, they may be grossed out or scared, too. But for the most part, if they are kind hearted people, they will be concerned for you and sorry you are feeling bad.