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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Ohio
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    3,143

    Default Completely OT: Need advice

    Deleted because reasons
    Last edited by DeadxxInside92; 12-28-2012 at 02:22 PM.
    I wanna feel the change consume me,
    Feel the outside turning in.
    I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
    Cleansing I've endured within
    My shadow




    Disclaimer: **I try and answer posts to the best of my knowledge but unfortunately, I am not a medical professional so take my advice/recommendations with a grain of salt.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,455

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Hm, this is a tough one. Your happiness is the number one thing. Now, you need to think if you'll be happy living with your friends even if you find a different job. If the answer is no, then I'd say back out now before you have a legal agreement in the form of a lease. Remember, once you sign a lease you are stuck there for the duration, whether you like it or not. Just think that through.

    If you feel like you'll enjoy living there after you find another job, it's up to you how to proceed. You'll be looking for another job, but do you want to keep an income while looking? Remember to think of yourself when answering this one. Are you in a position to have no income? It's not something fun to think about, especially when you're in a line of work you absolutely hate, but you have to consider it. If you will be okay for a few weeks/months without the income, decide whether you want to leave this job and take the hours that you would be working and spend them looking for another.

    I don't think anyone can answer what is right for you except for you. Good luck! I'm here to chat and help you organize your thoughts if you need!


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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    west michigan
    Posts
    1,339

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Wish i could help ya out dead. I say do what makes you happy. Pm me if you need to talk.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    3,143

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Thanks guys I'm going to go for a walk in hopes of clearing my head.
    I wanna feel the change consume me,
    Feel the outside turning in.
    I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
    Cleansing I've endured within
    My shadow




    Disclaimer: **I try and answer posts to the best of my knowledge but unfortunately, I am not a medical professional so take my advice/recommendations with a grain of salt.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Def do what makes you happy! You only live once so why not live with the best quality of life you can? I'm sure those friends would understand if you quit. Youve gotta be happy with yourself first. Hope everything works out!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Rhode Island, USA
    Posts
    2,064

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Kailey, I really feel for you <3 I just got out of a job I absolutely HATED that made me cry every single day because a woman there was harrassing me. I stayed for as long as I did because of the great pay. Eventually, that didnt even matter anymore and with the support of my boyfriend and his mom and my dad, I quit. I just started my new job this week and even though its a little pay cut, I love it, and I'm happier. I also rent an apartment with my boyfriend so living on one income was a little tighter (not tough, he's got a great job) but we made it through. I don't think it's fair to you to have someone convince you to sacrifice your happiness to be able to rent a house. Like Asianeko said, a lease is binding! You definitely don't want to go into that feeling like this.

    Also, I think you're absolutely gorgeous, and that you're capable of great things

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    5,885

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    It doesn't seem fair that you're under so much pressure. Of course your friends want to live with you, but it seems at such a high price - literally and figuratively! It must be awfully expensive rent if you couldn't afford it by doing a more 'normal' job, and that seems somewhat unsustainable to me. Do you currently live with family?

    Being an exotic dancer is absolutely fine if you are happy with it, but if it's making you miserable and affecting your self-esteem to this extent then I have a tough time advising someone to stick with it. It's not like a more mundane job where someone is saying they are finding their office job stressful etc. It runs a lot deeper than that.

    I do think living with friends would probably be a really positive experience, but at what cost?

    Have you been looking around for other jobs? I imagine you have; I do remember you saying a while back that you felt you could cope with the exotic dancer job but more standard jobs were very hard on you in terms of emetophobia/anxiety. How do you feel about that sort of thing now?

    You are a very attractive and intelligent young lady and it is upsetting to think you're losing self-confidence and stuck in a job making you feel so awful. You deserve better. I really sort of feel you should quit but I don't want to sway you in any way and I can really understand you not wanting to let your friends down. But surely there would be other houses they could find, and perhaps it would be better for them to be in a more affordable one. The rule of thumb in the UK is that rent should not exceed 40% of your income otherwise you will struggle. Guidelines may be different in the US due to utilities, council tax (local rates) and food likely being quite a bit cheaper though. xxx

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    1,437

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Hey Dead
    So sorry you are in such a tough situation. The cycle of exotic dancing is so tough to break-the money is amazing,but definitely NOT at the expense of your happiness and peace of mind. I agree with what everyone else says, the last thing you need is to enter into the housing situation feeling trapped by a job you hate that's bringing you down. Initially it may be fine, you know with the excitement of living with friends, having your own space, etc so you may not resent it as much at first. Unfortunately, it will become mundane. not sure what the job situation is like where you live, but most jobs aren't going to offer what you are probably used to making. That's why so many people find it hard to leave behind and it becomes a vicious cycle. But if it's making you miserable, it just ain't worth it. Think of it this way-you have to live with yourself 24/7. It's a lot easier to do if you are happy with yourself.
    You seem like a thoughtful, articulate and bright young lady, not much older than my daughter, and it breaks my heart that you feel so down on yourself. Please don't let your current job define your self-worth. You have a lot to offer!
    Jennifer

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Ohio
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    3,143

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Mother efffff....I still cannot make a decision. I'm so torn. I have a full week to decide what I would like to do. I'm going to make a list of pros and cons and see what I can come up with. Thanks so much for the replies and kind words everyone <3 I know my own happiness is what I should focus on but I'm one of those people who strives to make everyone else happy even if it may cost me my own. I realize that's not ideal. It means so much to feel like I have you guys standing beside me on this even if I don't know any of you in real life. I still feel as if I have found a friend in each of you.
    I wanna feel the change consume me,
    Feel the outside turning in.
    I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
    Cleansing I've endured within
    My shadow




    Disclaimer: **I try and answer posts to the best of my knowledge but unfortunately, I am not a medical professional so take my advice/recommendations with a grain of salt.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    4,085

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    I am one of those people too, who tries to make everybody else happy. It's really hard! Could you research "normal" jobs for the week you have, and see if there are anythat you could rent the apartment on? I agree with everybody else that you need to do what makes you happy. Now, if renting the apartment is what will make you happy, then that's great. But if you'd be happier living at home still and working another job, then I would do that. Take your friends out of the equation for the moment (I know it's hard, I do) and really write down the pros and cons of each. Sometimes I've even had a friend choose an option for me, only to realize that I REALLY want to do the other option and just didn't know it until right then.

    Also if you don't rent the apartment your friends won't be totally screwed. More than once I've been the 3rd person added to an apartment that one of their friends backed out of, they just listed it on craigslist and I snapped it up like THAT.
    PM me for contact info such as skype, email, or facebook. Thanks!

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Michigan, USA
    Posts
    405

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Everybody goes through low points in their lives when everything sort of snaps and you can make a choice to change or keep on trying the same thing which isn't working. For me, it was when my fiance knocked up my best friend, I was wrongfully evicted, and my car blew up all in the same month! I had to move home for a year and didn't have anything, I was completely miserable and a nervous awful wreck.... but now I look back at it as the best thing that ever happened to me! I decided to go back to school (so I am now living in my own apartment with my cat and my loans pay for most of my rent as I go... I had to shop around a LOT but I only pay $430 a month and all my utilities PLUS cable are included! It's not a great part of town but this town doesn't have a ghetto. Plus I have a stun gun... Haha!) and am not with that loser jerk of a fiance anymore, I became a Christian and I feel like I can accomplish anything! I'm SO excited about my future! I still have lots of things to work on as far as my anxiety and self-esteem and all of that, but I feel more positively about myself and my future than I ever have in my whole life!

    I am so sorry that you are struggling right now, it's got to be really scary trying to figure out what to do with yourself. Don't worry about what makes everyone else happy, if they truly care for you as a person they will understand that you can't go on working where you do. You can make the choice right now today that you want to better your life for you, and it's completely unselfish and OKAY to do that! It won't be the easiest route but it will be the best one for you and your future! I am sure that the money is great, but it's not worth it if it's robbing you of your self esteem and your sanity! You are a gorgeous girl with a good heart, and I know that you can get through this and make the right choice!
    Last edited by ruhligv; 10-17-2012 at 11:31 PM.
    Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Ohio
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    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    I'm supposed to go back to work this week and I couldn't be more depressed/resentful than I am now. I feel like I am starting to resent my friends for wanting me to stay there. I hate this so much. I'm not on the schedule for tomorrow but I only have two days to finish mentally preparing myself for this all over again. Any words of encouragement are appreciated.
    I wanna feel the change consume me,
    Feel the outside turning in.
    I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
    Cleansing I've endured within
    My shadow




    Disclaimer: **I try and answer posts to the best of my knowledge but unfortunately, I am not a medical professional so take my advice/recommendations with a grain of salt.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    3,143

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Deleted because reasons
    Last edited by DeadxxInside92; 12-28-2012 at 02:22 PM.
    I wanna feel the change consume me,
    Feel the outside turning in.
    I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
    Cleansing I've endured within
    My shadow




    Disclaimer: **I try and answer posts to the best of my knowledge but unfortunately, I am not a medical professional so take my advice/recommendations with a grain of salt.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Long island ny
    Posts
    174

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    You have to look out for you. No one else will. Not even friends. True friends that care about you will always be there. If they get mad and stop talking to you they werent your friend. I learned this the hard way. I always did everything for everyone else, i ended up bankrupt and alone. I have one true friend and that good enough for me. Do whats good for your mental health. We only get one life why shouldnt we be happy. This phobia puts enough stress on us. Good luck. You will make the right decision.
    We are each our own devil and we make this world our own hell - oscar wilde

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,137

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    I completely agree with what Cynna wrote in a previous post. True friends will not want to see you doing something that makes you feel so horrible and unhappy. If they don't understand that by leaving your job, you cannot afford to rent the house, then they are not people you want to live with.
    Let me give you a perfect example....

    When I was 22, I was sharing an apartment with a friend of mine. She was working a night shift that was literally wearing her down. She wanted to quit and find something else, but didn't know if she could afford the rent. I told her to do it, and I would help cover the rent til she was able to. I ended up having to pay a couple hundred more for one month, and that was it. She found a better job, was much happier, and even insisted on paying me back. I look at it like this, when you live with people, they become your family, and family helps family, right?
    I don't care about how much money you could make, it is not worth doing a job that makes you feel that miserable. No friends would tell you to keep doing that knowing how it is affecting you. Sooo... if any of your friends get pissed about the house thing, screw them, they obviously don't care about your well being, so you shouldn't care about theirs.

    You need to speak with the other 3 people and tell them how you feel and your situation. I am sure you can all work out something until you are able to cover your share of the rent. Perhaps you can offer to do the housekeeping to help make up for some of the rent until you can afford it.
    Or... you can all look for a less expensive house to rent... There are plenty of options out there. With this bad economy people are renting houses at really low rates!
    As for the manager/floor dude telling you that another job couldn't cover your rent... how could he know this? And honestly, it sounds to me like he is being very selfish. He is guilting you into staying at the job (prob because he is just as miserable there, and misery loves company)

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,137

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    Have you all signed the lease on the house yet? If not, I would look into a less expensive house. Where are you looking? I know people in Ohio, and I can do some research and ask around about houses for rent.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    3,143

    Default Re: Completely OT: Need advice

    My stomach is in knots. I just sent a really long text out explaining I cannot move. I'm really scared for the replies I'll get back I hope they want to be my friend still and I hope they don't make my time remaining at the club a living hell
    I wanna feel the change consume me,
    Feel the outside turning in.
    I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
    Cleansing I've endured within
    My shadow




    Disclaimer: **I try and answer posts to the best of my knowledge but unfortunately, I am not a medical professional so take my advice/recommendations with a grain of salt.

 

 

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