Really struggling

[Hale]

I am really having a hard time at the moment. I had a sickness bug last August and although I never actuallly V*ed I came as close as possible. It really set me back and I have been obsessing and panicking a lot. I have been an emet for 12 years but had been doing well for 3 years before that incident and it wasn't a huge issue. I went downhill for a few months but by about November I was doing a bit better so in December we booked our wedding. The emet has always got worse at times of stress and so when we started planning I found I was going downhil again. I had a bad experience in March (seeing someone V*) which prompted me to seek help and I started hypnotherapy. I feel this has helpedd make things clearer in my mind and for a few days after a session I feel calmer but its also bringing memories back and I am obsessing way too much between appointments. Me being over ambitious and pushing myself too hard I also started coming off my antidepressants around Easter time so that I wouldn't be on them for the wedding. My energy levels have gone up which is what I was aiming for but its coming out as panic attacks. I am panicking every night and not getting to sleep until the early hours of the morning. I am so tired but I get so tense and I can't seem to do anything to relax. The worse thing is the panic attacks start because I feel sick or thing about being sick but I know I am not going to be so its so pointless. Panic attacks are horrible but they are easier to deal with when you know why you are panicking. Before when I had them it would be because I was feeling sick and worrying that I was going to be, but eventually I would feel better and calm down but there are no end to these ones. I am not worrying about being married because Mark is the best thing to ever happen to me but I am so nervous of the actual day. The wedding is now 9 weeks away and I cannot go on like this until its over. I am just really low at the moment and the lack of sleep is making me feel ill. I have tried changing my routine, sniffing lavender oil, reading, watching TV but nothing is working. I was just wondering if any other people felt like this before there weddings and how they coped. SOrry this is so long and that I have rambled on ut I am getting desperate.

[kate1966]

Hi Hale.....listen...have you ever tried xanax or any other kind of anti anxiety meds??? I really do think you could benefit from something like that....I take them as needed at a very low dose...anytime I start having those dreadful feelings of knowing something bad is going to happen...or that doom feeling like you are going to be sick no matter what and nothing will shake the feeling away....i get this way alot...and so now when I do I just take a xanax and it really calms me down and takes the edge off of me being so scared.......It has been so long since I got married...16 yrs ago...but I don't remember being nervous either...but you should talk to a doc about this....maybe they will prescribe you something...good luck and keep us posted....and most of all...relax...I hear having sex it the best stress reliever......talk to friends....of course I know all this is hard to do.....i wish you the best of luck...Kat

[SimplyMe]

I'm so sorry. I hoep you're doing better soon!

[japa]

kate1966 made some great points.


I would say that xanax would be a good way to calm the panic attacks. It also sounds as though going off the antidepressants was counter productive to you. You might want to go ahead and start back on them.


You said that you don't want to be tired for the wedding, and that's why you went off the medication, but it's obviously not having the effect you intended. You are panicking more frequently rather than just having a high energy level. I doubt that medication will make you too tired to get your wedding planning done. I studied 18 hours a day for three weeks for my Master's comprehensive exams while I was taking Paxil.


Re your therapy bringing up harsh feelings: One thing about any type of therapy is that before you get to feeling better from it, you almost always have to be really strong and go through some tough emotional times. It's a portion that must be passed through. It'll be worthwhile later on, even though it sucks now.

[Hale]

Thanks for the advice. I have had a really badday today and really thought that I wanted to die. I am so fed up of trying and not getting anywhere. I am getting worse and I just feel why bother.

I really don't want to go back on the medication because it really dulls my senses. I always thought that I had a high pain threshold until I came off the tablets last time and would shake with pain whenever I hurt myself - the tblets had just numbed me to it. I really don't want my memories of my wedding day to be foggy as so many memories are. I feel much more alert and energetic but also tense.

I am so excited about the wedding but just want to get it over and done with so I can relax but at the same time there is so much to do and i don't know how to get it all done. I am just very mixed up at the moment and finding life a real struggle.

[stella9]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are definitely
overstressed which is snowballing into even more stress. The
stress is probably causing you more problems than the actual emet.



Try yoga. I have been practicing and teaching it for 12 years now
and swear by it. It helps the immune system which is great.
More important, it helps with breathing and that helps with panic
attacks.



Stella