Social commitments for my children

[Caroline2000]

I'm trying my best to give our children (ages 12 & 8) healthy childhood experiences while battling this. These include having friends to our house and allowing my children to visit their friend's homes (rarely, though). As soon as I set up these play times, I immediately feel panicked and want to cancel them! I obsess about the germs that will be entering our home and about the germs my children will pick up at their friends homes. Is it unreasonable for me to ask these children to wash their hands as soon as they arrive at my house? In addition, is it crazy for me to call just before I take my child to a play date to ask the parent if everyone in their house is healthy (not that I would actually believe them because MY definition of healthy probably isn't the same as THEIR definition!)? My kids don't know of my phobia and I don't want their friends to think I'm nuts, but I'm just trying to protect all of us. Any thoughts or suggestions?

[claire43]

From my experience when my daughter was younger (she's 21 now) she frequently had her friends over to sleep & vice versa. During the long school holidays Id guess that she had a couple of them a week. Not to mention the times she stayed overnight with relatives where there were a large number of cousins all school age ( approx 10 yrs old or under). As far as I can remember she NEVER caught a sv* from them nor did they bring anything into my home. My emet wasnt as out of control as it is now but I would still have freaked if there was any risk of catching one.

I think as long as your kids understand the importance of washing their hands etc then you're doing the best you can. Its obviously important that they don't miss out on normal childhood experiences. I dont think theres anything wrong with checking up on the health of other kids, you could just say your immune system isnt the best for whatever reason.

Im so glad I didnt pass on this fear to my daughter. Somehow I managed to hide it & I only eventually owned up when she was 17 & had a serious illness which caused her to v* a lot. She had absolutely no idea although since then she has realised whenever she v* as she got older I only ever appeared after the 'event'!!

[allilove]

Oh wow, I have the Exact same issues with my children. Its awful trying to b a parent and allow your kids to be social with this germ and v* phobia. Everywhere my kids go whether its the park or a friends house or a playdate, I am constantly obsessing about what germs they might pick up. I wish I had an answer for you, but I am in the samw boat. :/

[Caroline2000]

I have a large extended family and I dread the holidays because many of them travel to our town to visit our parents. They come, usually regardless of their health, simply because it is "the holidays"! I watch my kids interact with all of their cousins while cringing inside that someone is carrying the virus that will lead to v*. It doesn't matter to me if we have been safe in years past. We have simply been "lucky" and this year might be "it"! (We homeschooled my oldest for her first 5 years of school. At the time I said it was for many other reasons, but looking back I realize one of the driving forces for me was to keep her away from other kids that might be/get sick.)

[kam00096]

This is a tricky one. Making any sort of big deal out of it could be a trigger for your kids (and you defi don't want them to end up emet too). Am certain mine stems from me being sick as a kid and my mum making a huge drama out of it (she's not emet just highly strung with a tendency to make a big deal out of everything!) And don't kids need to be out and mixing, not just for their psychological welfare but also so that they are exposed to things and can build up their immune systems? I babysit a lot and am always really worried about germs but I make sure hands are washed after they use the loo and before they eat. Don't think you'd get any flack for making your kids friends do that at your house. The whole kids and bugs thing is one of the many reasons i doubt I'll ever be strong enough to have my own children.

[Caroline2000]

I am SO, SO careful about what I say and do around my kids regarding my phobias. They know I'm health-conscious and I like our home to be clean but, hopefully, that's all they think. In my mind I know they need to be out-and-about, but the phobic side of me wants to scrub them with bleach, bubble-wrap them, and keep them at home! (KAM00096: The only reason I didn't want to have children was the bug factor. My phobia is much worse now than when I got married, but luckily my husband steps in when things get "bad". He doesn't know the severity of my problem (I've tried to explain it but he just doesn't "get it"), but he does his best. So, never say never ... You just don't know what your future may hold and what you can overcome!)

[kam00096]

Thanks Caroline. I admire you guys who have kids despite emet so much! It makes me sad, as asides from probably not having my own I regret not being able to do something with childcare career wise. I love kids and people say I'm pretty good with them (I have zero patience with adults but will happily listen to a kid sing the same song over and over again for 20 mins!) :-) It's great that you keep things normal for your kids, bet when they're older they'll be shocked to find out you were so worried about bugs etc. My mum's always been a worrier and a worst case scenario kind of a person and I'm sure it's rubbed off on me!

[jennjt]

It's a struggle for me, too. I have never taken my 3 yr old to Chucky Cheese because of all the germs! So far, I haven't let it affect anything else-- I am just vigilant about having my Wet Ones in my purse, and we wipe our hands a lot...