Emetophobia and Eating Disorders

[Sarah429]

So, I have posted before about how my phobia and health have hit an all time low lately but I thought I might get more speific to see if anyone else experiences this particular problem.
I am 17 and about 5 foot 5 but I only weigh 103 lbs. That is pretty underweight according to the healthy weight chart thingy. I have been pretty thin my entire life but I was pretty healthy for like the last 2 years and comfortable with my weight. But lately, my emet has been getting bad and I am having like 2 panic attacks per day and the worst thing about it is that I can barelly eat anymore :/ I get anxious before almost every meal worrying that I will get a stomach ache from it or it will cause me to vomit. I also have stomach problems on a daily basis so I basically never ever actually have the desire to eat. It's horrible. My parents are extremely worried about me and I feel like it is turn into a kind of eating disorder. It has nothing to do with my worrying about gaining weight TRUST ME, I have never cared about that and I love (well loved) my body before I started losing so much weight. Anyways, has anyone else experienced this and has some advice on how to get out of this horrible funk? Anything would be appreciated thank you!

[ashley26]

I'm going through the same thing right now . It is very hard. It's a struggle everyday for me to eat and I never feel hungry or if I do actually feel hungry I don't know if I'm actually hungry or if I feel sick. I'm pretty underweight and trust me I really don't like the way that I look now and wish I could gain aFew pound but it i really hard. The best thing to do is eat small things all throughout the day and maybe drink some ensure or a protein shake. I really hope that you start feeling better

[Missa_Mae]

When my emet first got real bad - I was the exact same. I could barely eat, barely sleep, barely function without thinking about being sick, or eating something that would make me sick. I lost 15lbs in 4 months because I didn't eat more than once/day.

Once I learned that I had emet, and got some help, plus some life changes (met my boyfriend, bought a house, new job, etc.) things got easier and I actually ended gaining back the weight plus4 or 5lbs within a few months!

I struggle periodically with this - when I used to feel n* I would refused to eat, I used to always go to bed hungry ... and I am the pickiest eater.

Now that I am 4 1/2 months pregnant, I find myself struggling more and more. In the beginning I could barely eat because of the n*, and I learned that most dairy products made me v* so I decided to stay away from them. On days I was feeling better, I'd eat and eat and eat - mainly carbs since that is all I am craving. Then I'd go through periods where I'd have no appetite at all and barely eat all day.

Now that my belly is getting bigger, there isn't a lot of room as my insides are squished so now I'll find myself starving - eat and after a few bites, be stuffed. I still stay away from dairy (which is sad because I loved milk) and fried/greasy foods (made me v* a few nights ago) ...

Food is a struggle for all people with emet, I think. The biggest things that help are those Ensure shakes that they give to the elderly to get their vitamins/protein, etc. You could always try those.

[Reebes]

Sarah429 - my emet functions the same way - I become afraid to eat anything. In the past four years since my emet really kicked in, I've lost 45lbs. I'm now too thin and trying to gain some weight back. For the first few months of really trying I managed to stop losing and maintained my weight, and now I've put back on about 2lbs, hoping to put back on about 5lbs more (I was a little chubby to start with; my main thing now is not going down another size. And I'm not going to lie - I like being thin).

This is what I've been doing to maintain/gain weight:

- Eating whenever I'm hungry, no matter the time of day. I don't worry about "normal" mealtimes and I eat whatever sounds good, whenever I'm hungry. I eat as much as I can, but I never force myself to eat more than I am comfortable eating. I don't want to make this issue any worse. I see that you're 17 - it's probably harder for you to get away with eating whenever, since you're still with your parents. I'm 38 and have more flexibility. But try to always keep food on you at all times and eat a bite or two of whatever you've got on hand when you feel hungry. Don't force it, just get down a few mouthfuls.

- Eating as high of calorie food as I can. For instance, I don't think soda (non diet) is good for you, but I've been trying to drink one every day. It's ~200 calories that's pretty easy to consume. I eat cookies, ice cream, cheese, fried stuff ... anything. I still eat plently of healthy food (fresh fruit and a salad every day, etc.), but I also eat "bad" food too to get extra calories.

- Keeping track of everything I eat every day on www.fitday.com, so I can see how many calories I get. I did this initially (don't do it anymore, since I stopped dropping weight). Doing it made me realize that I needed to eat more; seeing it in black and white made me realize how much I was hurting myself by not eating, so it's been easier since then to eat more. It really opened my eyes to the fact that I was literally starving myself.

- Eating some kind of food right before I go to sleep (before tooth brushing, of course!), even if it's small. For instance, last night I had eight crackers before turning in.

- Taking a multi vitamin. I take the gummy kind, because they are easy on the stomach. Since I know I'm starving myself, I want to make sure I keep my strength and health up, and I figure a multi vitamin will help.

- Loving myself. The most important thing: I do not get down on myself. I celebrate every time I eat. It's a victory! Try not to self loathe. Instead, recoginize that it's a challenge for you to eat and be proud when you do. Mentally feeling better about your relationship with food will make you physically feel more capable of eating. When this phobia really kicked in for me, I spent years hating myself, beating myself up and feeling like a failure. Once I stopped this mental sabotage, I've felt better overall and was able to eat more.

I know this is not easy. I went from about age 12 to 33 with very, very, very low level emet. I was a girl who loved to eat and had no fear of it at all. My weight varied a lot, and at times I was even on the chubby side, just because I ate too much. When this really kicked in for me I lost a ton of weight REALLY fast and I've struggled ever since to keep weight on. It can be done. And I know you can do it. Just be kind to yourself, eat what sound good when it sounds good, and forgive yourself for having this phobia. Don't hate yourself. Love who you are and celebrate your eating successes.

[Sarah429]

Thank yo so much for all of the responses. I really appreciate the advice Reebes. I definitely focus too strongly on the three meals a day and two snacks eating plan because that is how I was raised and I'm always afraid to venture away from it for some reason. Plus I always feel compelled to finish every meal I eat because that is also how I was raised and that stresses me out even more. I will try all of the tips that you suggested they sound really helpful! I really hope I can mend my relationship with food because I really miss enjoying the foods I used to love (mac and cheese, ice cream, chicken). The worst part about it is that I don't try to starve myself I want to eat, really really bad but it's so much easier to just not eat so I don't have to go through the torment before during and after a meal :/ Anyways thank you so much I'm glad to know that I'm not alone and that there is possibly a light at the end of this tunnel.

[Reebes]

I totally understand what you mean. I don't try to starve myself either, but people look at me and see how skinny I've got, and see me picking at food, and think I have a traditional eating disorder when I know I don't - I used to love food! (Though I would definitely agree that my eating itself is disordered, but none of this is about a body image issue). I promise you that it can get better. I don't think I'm cured by any means - I think I'll always have a fear of vomiting, but I do feel much, much better the past 6 months than I have in the past 4 years.

[jennjt]

I have definitely struggled with the eating disorder / emet thing. For me, I did struggle with anorexia in my early 20's, and was even hospitalized for it for a month... Now, though, even though I still have somewhat of a warped body image, I really really REALLY have no appetite a lot of the times because of the emet. When I am panicky or afraid of getting sick, I absolutely cannot eat and everyone in my family automatically assumes it is from eating disorder stuff when it is truly emet. My "safe" foods are not the healthiest (Coke / anything bread!), so it doesn't even make sense. I wish i could eat all the healthy foods, like salads, but they wreck havoc on my IBS . Also, chicken scares me because of emet sometimes... ugh. How I deal with it is like a lot of people have already posted:
*I really try to focus on being healthy & strong (ie, lift weights/ exercise for health & for my sport--not for calorie burn)
*drink protein shakes / smoothies when I can't think about food
*keep up with calories on "my fitness pal" app-- try not to obsess over it, but I want to make sure I'm getting enough nutrients / protein to feed my muscles
*take multi-vitamin
*eat lots of small meals so as not to "overwhelm" my stomach or get that "overly full" feeling which tends to freak me out
*do yoga because it really helps me to feel more connected to my body, if that makes any sense?

[jennjt]

Reebes, Well said! Love what you wrote especially about loving yourself. Self acceptance is so important for all of us!

[stopthissong]

I was getting very thin for a while too from skipping meals and all the stress and anxiety. People would always say "I wish I was as thin as Olivia" and I was just thinking oh my gosh no you don't, you have no idea what I go through to look like this... I never wanted to look thin. I don't skip meals like I used to and I definitely have a normal weight now. I'm still thin but it's healthy. I'm 5ft 2inches and I weigh about 52kgs which is 114 pounds (I live in Australia lol not used to the pounds thing). It's tough though. I mean I guess the only way to fix it is to slowly get used to eating more and more, even if it takes you a few hours to have breakfast properly, so be it. I have a blog post about this if you're interested: http://emetophobiatoday.wordpress.co...s-emetophobia/

Hope you're alright! All the best

[Caroline2000]

When I'm going through a rough time, I make a list of the foods that I have on hand that I feel are "safe". Then I write each food on a piece of paper and fold it up. When I feel hungry but don't want to have to choose what to eat, I just pick out one of my safe foods and that's what I try to eat. I never force myself to eat it all (and sometimes I "cheat" and pick again!), but somehow it takes a bit of stress off of having to make a decision about food. I'm usually depressed during those times, too, and making even the simplest of decisions is tough.

[stephie]

just read this post and i too sometimes find it physically hard to eat and then when you get hungry your unsure whether its hunger or something else so then im too scared to eat just incase and i have always loved my food and am really hating not having an appetite my parents have started to notcie aswell that i am not eating for days until im sure im safe to eat but those days dont last longsomething else is always around the corner to trigger it in my mind and there goes my appetite again its one horrible cycle that never ends, but hope you feel better x