Hi all!

So I am a 22 yr old college student that has recently realized that there is such a thing as emetophobia.

I have been absolutely TERRIFIED of v* ever since I can remember. When I was little, it was to the point where my parents had to ban the words v* or T.U. from my vocabulary because I talked about it constantly. If anyone around me got sick, I would freak.
As I got older, it got worse. I would say the worst of it was on New Years of 2007. We were planning on going to Arkansas to visit my grandparents for New Years, but the day before we were supposed to leave my grandpa called and said that my grandma had the stomach flu and had been v* all day. I, of course, flipped s*** and told my parents that we simply could NOT go. The next day, my grandpa called again and said that grandma was feeling much better and that he thought we would be ok to go down. I was not happy about this because I knew that there must be flu germs all around their house, but my mom didn't give me a choice. When we got there, my grandpa was sitting in the living room with a wet towel over his forehead and it turned out he was sick. I could feel that feeling of dread and fear take over my body, the fast heartbeat, sweaty palms...I hate that feeling. I didn't eat any dinner that night and went to sleep. In the middle of the night, I woke up to the sound of my grandma v*. I started hyperventilating and crying. My mom had to come in the room and lay with me because I was freaking to the max. The next morning, my parents agreed to go home. The whole way back home, I was feeling so n*. When we got home, I was crying, hyperventilating, and so scared that I had gotten the flu. Sure enough, I ended up v* that night. Just once.
It took me almost a year to recover from that night. For the first 6 months I would constantly feel n* and freak at the thought of that night. I wasn't eating very much and it was hard for me to fall asleep. For a year, I wouldn't visit my grandparents because of the association of that event and I still haven't visited during winter because of that. I also wouldn't watch my favorite movie that I had watched the night I v* because of the association I had with it.
I am now a senior in college, and things are starting to get bad again. Recently, I have been having a lot of problems with my sorority sisters, whom were my closest friends, and I have been feeling really betrayed by them and I feel like I lost my family here at college. I also have been so stressed with graduation, grad school, money issues, my parents divorce, a break up (we were together 5 1/2 years &he always knew what to do when I would panic)...and just growing up. I live alone so I feel lonely often. All of those things combined caused me to get an ulcer. I was n* all the time, I lost 10 lbs, and wasn't going to class because I was so scared of v*. I am now back on antidepressants and taking anti acids for my ulcer. I am eating regularly again but I still have my moments when I panic. I hate touching doors because I am scared I will get sick, I freak out when kids at daycare have tummy aches because I will catch it, I wonder if meat I eat is cooked enough or if the food is bad. I have to call my dad every time i feel this way.
So, my dad found out that there is such a thing is emetophobia. He showed me this site tonight actually, and I can't believe how many people out there have the same thing. Even Cameron Diaz has it (according to wikipedia).
After reading y'alls success stories, I feel so motivated and hopeful that I will get this under control. I want to be able to have kids someday...but the fear of morning sickness is so strong that I am afraid it will hold me back.
I guess I just want to say thank goodness this website exists! People think I am crazy when I express my fear of v*. I am glad I have a place to talk about it now with people who can relate.
We can do this guys! Things will get better.
Love you all already!

xxoo