Worst case of panic I’ve ever had

[julleri]

It was Saturday evening, and my sig. other and I decided to go to his folks' place to work on their computer for them. It had been a long day, but I overcame a couple of panic attacks earlier that day by talking through them.
He worked on the computer for like three hours but was having problems so we had to leave. We both had not eaten anything yet, so we were both really hungry. Now, for him, it meant that he was just hungry, but for me, it meant that I felt gross, and that I were to v*. I was getting increasingly anxious, and could feel myself shake and things again. We got into his car, and I knew that I was going to suffer panic on the ride home. I just don't know what it was that made me so uneasy that night, and I couldn't talk myself through the attack as I had the few others I had earlier that day. It was so depressing. This was by far the worst panic attack I have ever had in my entire life. A major freeway was closed, so we had to use surface streets, which meant taking a long time to get back home, where I knew I'd be able to "calm down." I was dizzy at every bump in the road, and was moving but not able to control my movements. I kept having these spasms. It was really scary. And my stomach felt so ... like it was upset with me! It is one of the reasons I was panicking so much. All the headlights and stoplights seemed 100X brighter and that was annoying. Luckily I had some Ativan with me, so when we stopped through a drive through to get some food I immediately took my drink and downed the Ativan. The worst part of the attack came at the very end, when my sig. other decided to slam on the accelorator which took me aback. I started to scream and cry. I closed my eyes and all I could see was red lines vibrating and shaking. I couldn't stop crying and could barely move. I even told my bf to shutup, which wasn't me talking - it was the panic! I went inside, went into a bathroom and cried into a sink (I was going to wash my hands, but was unable to due to stress). I apologized to my sig. other, stating that I wished he didn't have to take care of me anymore through any of this. I felt completely drained, useless, ashamed to be there. I ate my food very quickly though, as I could tell my stomach just became voraciously hungry. Why does this s*** afflict me? Why has it been so hard on my life? How many more days do I have to endure this bulls***?!


Jason

[siafi]

[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]I'm so sorry for you, that sounds terrible. Does your sig. other know about your emet? You should let him know that when you panic, you can't control what you say or do as well. He will probably be more supportive. Also, it makes me angy too that I'm stuck with this phobia. It's so debilitating and horrible - but maybe your strong feelings against it will help you get up the courage to get some therapy and overcome this phobia. I hope you feel better.

[symphonicfaith]

Ditto on being angry about the phobia. Every day I find that I'm frustrated with myself because of something I do or think due to my phobia. My panic attacks usually aren't quite as severe as what you just described, unless I'm directly confronted with a v* situation. I do fight depression, however... which can be as bad as severe anxiety, just in a different way. But I agree with siafi, in that you're extreme dislike of this condition could be the ideal feeling to help begin your recovery. Just keep fighting...





<Zachary>

[x hannah x]

[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]Nuff said.